How is this fair?

[BouncingSoul]

After 25 plus years of marriage and 6 children my husband decided to move into our guest room. He texted me yes texted me saying he wanted a separation and later he texted me that he met with a divorce attorney. I don’t want a divorce at all. Do we have issues? Yes but none that are worthy of divorce. It is frustrating because I see him everyday but he refuses to even talk to me. It seems like he is having a mid life crisis. I don’t know. I don’t think he is cheating on me but I didn’t know he wanted a divorce. I am so frustrated. I feel absolutely powerless. This has been going on since January. I don’t know what my future looks like because I don’t know his intentions. I’m not just some girl he dated for a few months. We have a major history together. I want to text him so badly and tell him how I feel but everyone says to ignore him but with each passing say the more pain I feel. What do I do? I have no idea why he is so bitter with me.

[BouncingSoul]

How can he just turn off what we have shared?

[Gilbertina in reply to BouncingSoul]

Can u talk to a close friend of his to find out what is going on?

[CupOfTee]

I don't know why anyone would tell you to ignore him. I think that's terrible advice. The two of you have shared a life. You've freaking created life together. And yes, if he really wants to leave there's nothing you can do to stop him, BUT he damn sure owes you some honesty.

If I were you, I would try for a really frank conversation with him. Tell him that the uncertainty is not only completely unfair, but that it's also hindering any possibility of you being able to let go. I know it's all but impossible, but try to keep emotion out of it

Ask for the facts. Hell, demand the facts, lol.

Regardless of why he's leaving, he owes you the truth.

[hypercat54]

Hi I am sorry to hear this as it must be awful for you. I will say just 2 things. Firstly make sure he going to carry on with his financial arrangements for his children.

The second is who ever said life is fair? No guarantees and no promises I'm afraid. I wish you the best. x

[Hidden]

Im so sorry this must be awful for you ☹️ I don’t think you should ignore him at all. This is your husband and your marriage so you need to find out exactly what’s going on here and you also need to lay out all your feelings and thoughts on the table too. He unfortunately doesn’t know how communicate this in a mature way so in my opinion you need to set some sort of ‘meeting’ where it is just you two and communicate. Especially mention how he still needs to financially support all his children.

Silence is poisonous in these situations it just causes anger and suspicions.

[AuntBee]

You said he hasn’t been talking to you; are you saying he’s been giving you the silent treatment since January? you didn’t say the ages of the children but no matter, you can know the tension of the house is effecting them. I would tell your husband that you need to talk because his behavior is not in line with family unity. I would say ignoring him is not good advise. someone needs to be the adult in your house so unfortunately, it must be you. Be prepared to introduce consequences to his decisions if you haven’t started already such as stop doing his laundry or including him on family outings.

A conversation would be nice to know what has happened to cause him this midlife crisis, whether it’s him or something you did, or whatever. He may not want to explain himself because he thinks you may argue with him. I’d say hear him out without yelling if he’s willing to talk. if he doesn’t want to talk don’t force it.

I have more thoughts on it but anything else would depend on how a conversation with him goes.

good luck!