Help needed

[Tech40]

Hi all I so need advice, I've been with an amazing lady for the last year, had days out she's met my kids etc, just everything has been perfect until tonight she drove up, I knew she was coming tonight anyway but come up went straight into my room I followed and she was absolutely sobbing😭.

All boils down to she's found out I've been drinking slot and I mean a lot it's totally devestated her and me, we cuddled and cried for ages, she said she can't do this anymore.

We've both said we love each other, I absolutely love the bones of her I'd do anything to fix it, also going thru docs and found there's something going on with my liver, alcohol related we don't know yet, that's completely scared the hell out of me, if I never drink alcohol again it will be a good thing.

I want to sort it out with the gf I feel completely lost without her, I'm so low it's unreal I'll do anything to sort this.

PLEASE HELP

[Ladybug9]

You definitely love her and I hope she loves you enough to stand by you while you get the help you need to get off the juice. It worries me that it's now effecting your liver. Please keep us updated on what the docs say and how it works out with the love of your life. I hope she will stand by you while you take care of this.

[Hidden]

It sounds like you're drinking is an issue for her, if I'm reading this post right and you agree it is also. The question is why do you drink? I can only guess that you have a drinking problem. I come for a long line of Alcoholics as it runs in the family. Most of my family have brought their drinking to zero. You will need to work on this. You will have to do this not just for her but for you both. Alcoholism is such a serious mental, physical, and family destroyer. Breaking the habit is going to be tough, but considering the men in my family that have done it, I'm sure you can too. Start by getting involved in an AA group and follow up with you Medical Doctor. A referral to Psychiatric doctor also to get therapy and/or chemical dependency treatment. All this is for you and to save the body your mind lives in. You need it to last as long as you can.

As for her, only your actions and commitment to this goal of shaking off drinking and getting psychiatric treatment that for the stuff in your head that is destroying your relationship will prove to her that you want this and her. I can't say if she'll wait or even if it'll change your mind. It might if you can muster up the will and strength to get better. Support will help and with luck you might get her back. Words, Actions, and your commitment to be a better man can get you very far, but only time will prove it to her.

You can chat me up anytime you need to talk or have questions. Cheers Man.

[Tech40 in reply to Hidden]

Would it be ok sitting and writing a letter to her

[Hidden in reply to Tech40]

It would depend heavily on whether she wants to hear from you and if she all ready cut off all ties. If she hasn't set those boundaries, you can write the letter, but don't expect too much as it may hurt you emotionally if you set the bar too high for a restart. Just take things slow. Trust with women is HUGE and with good reason. Your actions from here on out are paramount as your credibility has been shot. I don't like being harsh it's just the consequences of not being honest with her from the start. Remember you need to work on you for you and your health, as it not only directly affect the ones you love, but the time you get to be with them to make you both happy. This has happened before in our family and others from what I have observed and you do have the choice to turn it around. Getting rid of the alcohol as a addiction/coping mechanism has to go. I hope you do and you have support here and from me when you need to talk.

[Tech40 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I now have a an appointment for talking therapies, for my mental health also waiting to hear back off the alcohol support and recovery,. Be and the gf spoke on phone earlier both ended up crying to each other, she still loves me but is scared for the future, she wants to come and meet me tomorrow at my house or go for a coffee and talk about why I struggled to tell her about the alcohol, also she mentioned In a text that she knew for a little while I was drinking more, I said if u thought I was drinking more I wish you had simply said and that would have made me realise oh this is a problem and I would have stopped or somthing.

We both still love each other massively, I just want to sort this out.

[Hidden in reply to Tech40]

Sounds like you've all ready sorted some things out with your gf and it's not over. There is certainly a positive ground to work from in your situation. I am even envious of your having a partner. Relationships are tough enough, but when there is a lack of communication, yikes. I speak from experience and am reeling from a huge betrayal myself.

I hope you find the will and strength to beat this issue and you and your gf grow a stronger bond between you and stay together till you both reach a ripe old age. Cheers man.

[Tech40 in reply to Hidden]

We've just chatted on phone, and instead of tomorrow she's going to come up early Saturday and said maybe we can( weather depending) go to beach and talk have a wander

[Hidden in reply to Tech40]

It's still something cause she is willing to connect still. It's something to build on. Don't let the moment pass to do something nice on top of meeting. Nothing great mind you. Just something to reflect the thought you care. Doesn't hurt to be kind, even if it goes south.

[Tech40 in reply to Hidden]

What do you suggest

[Hidden in reply to Tech40]

I can't really say has it should be meaningful to you both. I don't have that first hand knowledge of something that would bond you both.

I know when my ex's mom was ill I constantly collected the red candles she would send from the flower decorations she would send for birthday and holidays. If anything were to happen I had planned on lighting them with him. Just as an example of what I did.

For you it will be different of course. You have the best knowledge to figure it out. You can make it about something meaningful you both experienced when you had a special moment together. Sight, Smell, Taste, and/or sound that would reflect that moment. It is the thought that counts.

[Tech40 in reply to Hidden]

Hmmmmm not sure we went to York for a couple of nights earlier in the year, few pics etc

[Hidden in reply to Tech40]

It's funny how the simplest things in life give it meaning. It's the same with special moments that fundamentally fire up the great feeling of love. Even a picture or place or food or spoken words can remind you both of synchronicity and Love something everyone can relate to as true love. It'll come to you and it'll say loads about what you share.

[Tech40 in reply to Hidden]

Hi it's looking very promising we are going to be ok, we are meeting today and heading to beach for a wander, food and a dip in the sea, I've been looking at ideas like Todo lists etc.

Also anything that might help make us well more me stronger towards her