Girlfriend crying for "no reason"

My girlfriens cries from time to time and either will not let me in or its really for no reason. I dont know how to help or how to get her to possibly open up to me. In these spells she tells me shes fine and just wants to be alone... but its so hard to let her be when shes clearly acting like something is on her mind and crying. Its so hard for me to just leave her in the other room and go pretend im not stressing about her well being. She just wants me to go about whatever i was doing prior.. almost likr she doesn't want to bother me with whatever is bugging her...

Sometimes i try to leave her alone but when she doesnt come back in the bedroom or living room. I just... almost pester her in my opinion. I try to say things to figure out why shes feeling like this.

Do you feel stuck in life?

Do you feel overwhelmed or stressed?

Am i the reason?

I beg her to just let out whatever is on her mind and we can talk about it with no judgement. But she always says she doesnt know or no reason.

I just feel like im doing more harm than good sometimes. I just need someone to talk to that can help point me in a direction to help her or tell me i should give her space while shes in these states?

She always apologizes the next day for her "craziness" but i want to work towards her not feeling this way. She wont go with me to talk to someone or see the dog or even call one of her girl friends.

Im just so lost and i love her and want to help in any way. I mean i really want to know why or be let into her mind but if it really is just over nothing, i want to be able to help her shake it off.

I feel like sex isnt an option at these points. How do you try to cheer her up with some fun when she in distress and crying? So im looking for more vocal advice or pointers in helping reduce the length of these moments or just... i just want to help her and i dont know what to do anymore...

15 Replies

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  • You appear to have tried to find an answer in the best way possible. I give you a great deal of credit and I'm going to guess that she really doesn't know why she's crying and therefore can't tell you. I think she's probably clinically depressed and isn't aware of any reason for her crying. Clinical depression is the equivalent of a diagnosis of any other disease, say, heart disease, where there is illness, but it's not of her choosing and she hasn't caused it and doesn't understand how it came about. It's quite literally a chemical imbalance which we treat with the addition of the right chemicals to her daily regimen of vitamins and food. We also recommend counseling so she understands more about what's going on and how to acquire and maintain wellness in the future.

  • Thank you Bonnie. Ive askes her about talking to someone and even offered to go with her and hold her hand. When shes in that mindset theres no reasoning with her and when she is.. i guess normal is the best word for it.. i fear that bringing it up with put her back into that state. I try to hint at it when shes better almost jokingly so not to make her feel like something is wrong. In your opinion should i be a little more straight forward with her when shes more stable? Its really beginning to effect how i feel about her as i feel like i cant help her and what kind of a boyfriend am i that i cant snap her out of these moments. I know its not me but the feeling of helplessness crushes me. Im thinking maybe even a group therapy thing where she can just listen to other people who might have similar problems?

  • Maybe a group thing with other people but maybe not. It's hard to say. If you think you can let it go and just trust that she really doesn't know, that would be the best. Pair that with getting her to a psychiatrist who can prescribe an antidepressant for her and just let that work for her and leave it at that. It will take about 4-6 weeks for the antidepressant to begin to work for her. Can you do that, Andrew? If you can, then let it go and let the doctor and the medicine do the work. When she cries, just treat it like any other symptom of a disease, like a fever or a cough and wait it out. Don't try to fix it, Andrew. Just be there and wait it out, or take her home and get her comfortable and let her be. Can you do that?

  • I have a hard time with anti depressants myself but i can talk to her about it. Thats pretty much my current situation though, i just sit there and wait for her to cry herself to sleep and typically the next day is better and we dont talk much about it. I will try to recommend the anti depressants but i fear she knows my thoughts on them and that will keep her from even trying them out. Thank you again bonnie, your words have definitely helped, i just need to let her work through it herself and be there for her i guess without trying to figure out the problem. If it gets worse and she doesnt go to a psychiatrist for help i guess ill need to be a little pushy and just ask her to do it for me just to see if it helps and if she dont like it she can stop taking them or ween herself off depending on how long she gave it a shot.

  • Andrew, don't talk to her about antidepressants!!!! She already knows how you feel! Please stay out of it until she asks you how you feel again and try to be more positive this time. Do not discourage her, PLEASE!!

  • This is her lifeline out of depression and you are talking about putting it down!!!

  • No im talking abouy not recommending anti depressants. Im nothing but postive and maybe questioning how she feels mentally asking whats on her mind. I tell her when she gets this way that its ok and itll pass. This is purely in my mind, with her i simply hold her or leave her alone depending on what she wants and if she is actually kind of talking at the time i ask if something brought this on and if she wants to talk. Ive never put her down and i have no fear at all that she is overly depressed or hates herself. I just dont have a clue when she cries like this and neither does she. Im here cus i want someone to talk to that can relate to me and give me encouraging advice like you were. Id never recommend anti depressants to her i was just being nice. I recommend maybe talk to a doctor or psychiatrist and going from there but in my personal belief i wouldnt recommend anti depressants to her. Just kind words and comfort, if she makes that choice ill support her but thats her choice even if i dont believe in taking a pill everyday to make you feel right. I should explain that her ..episodes are sparractic not everyday or even every week. Maybe once every couple weeks or once a month. But last night was a big one and i felt i needed someone to talk about it because i felt helpless in consoling her.

  • Andrew, you can be dangerous. Would you recommend a diabetic not take insulin? Or a epileptic not take their seizure medicine? What makes you think a chemically imbalanced person shouldn't take the chemical that will restore their balance? There isn't a difference but you seem to think you know there is. You see your gf crying for no apparent reason but you would deny her the chemical she needs to restore her health and normal condition to her brain chemistry. Why?

  • You cant compare those things. They are completely different diseases and not mental. Im not a doctor and im not going to act like one. Im support, i can only recommend she see a doctor. How can i go around telling people they have problems and need to be medicated? Thats so wrong to me and makes people feel like the do have mental issues when they might not or make them feel like you dont want to help them that they need medicine for help. Thats for the specialists to say not me. Im not going to put ideas in my girlfriends head making her think shes got mental issues when maybe shes overwhelmed or starting her period. Had a stressful day at work and doesnt want to talk. If you choose to go around telling people they are messed up or as you put it chemically imbalanced in the head. Thats your choice. Im on the side of comforting and letting them know we all have our moments and if they think that they truly need to see someone that its their choice and i support it. Neither of us may be wrong but we differ there because of our own personal experiences and those of the people around us. But please dont compare me to someone telling an actually physical sick person they dont need theit medication when this is mental.

  • This is physical because you have seen for yourself that she has no reason and she's fine on many days. She will be seeing a medical doctor who will determine if she has a chemical imbalance and you can ask about that if you choose to. You need to research this if you really want to know. Don't presume to know this is "mental" if you don't research it and choose not to know. That is ignorance you choose.

  • Since you cant take a hint im going to be straight with you. I think youre completely wrong and project what you believe is right based on your research. Ill state again whats in my profile and posts. I will NOT recommend medication to anyone because im not a doctor. I no longer value your opinion at all as you dont listen, simply keep going with whatever fits your mindset. If you want go around telling people they need medication i cant stop but i can say that i will not be like you and i will continue to be there to listen and talk to my gf. If she ever goes to thr doctor and they recommend it so be it but thats not for me or you to say. So please leave my post alone and go prescribe anti depressants to other people. If you have helpful WORDS or encouragement you are more than welcome other than that your medical opinion is not appreciated.

  • Ah, but you have no idea the roads I have traveled and the research I have done. You don't know what I know and how I know it. This is new to you and old to me. Go ahead and think your thoughts. This is well-traveled ground to me but new to you and you think I don't know what I'm talking about. Interesting.

  • No once again im not saying that.... im telling you I, ME, MYSELF will not do that. I appreciated everything you said up until you started basically attacking me telling me im dangerous because im not going to recommend that. It has nothing to do with what you know or researched. It has to do with me and only me not recommending it. I dont know how else to say it. Even when you brought it up in the beginning i was thought to myself she may be but when you consider me wrong and yourself right and speculate id tell someone that the trained professionals are wrong then you have me sadly mistaken. To end because i think we are caught in this loop. I will not recommend medication to anyone only encouragement including if they think they need to speak with someone about being prescribe something.

  • The way you have turned on this poor guy is horrendous. Just because you're older does not mean you can be so patronising and rude to someone. Everyone has an opinion, this site is not there for someone like you to come out with comments like that. You've gone from helping and supporting him to being totally inappropriate. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion without being shot down.

  • Seeing how much you try and help your partner is absolutely wonderful. The things us women would do to have someone who makes the effort when we're upset rather than run away!!! It sounds like you've tried an awful lot and she just doesn't know what's wrong.. All I can suggest is her seeing her GP, getting counselling and just having you continue to support her. I can imagine it's so difficult to see her like this and feel like you're not doing anything, but trust me, you're doing more than you realise!!

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