Still here

For everyone that's worried Am still here cut up with bandages around wrists but struggling to still be here I just don't know what to do anymore I feel like I have let everyone down and that am the black sheep of my family am struggling really bad

[Agora1]

Lordzeus, thank you for writing us back. I'm sad to hear that you have bandages

around your wrists. I know you are scared, I know you feel as if you have let everyone

in your family down, but the only one you've let down is yourself.

There is only one thing you can do and that is to get the professional help you so

deserve. I believe that as well as the others on this great forum who care about you. x

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Agora1 the voices are winning I can't cope ivwash I had someone close that could knock some sense into me I don't know how long I can last

[kenster1 in reply to Hidden]

hi im so sorry to read of your struggles.because of your struggles doesn't mean your a black sheep family member.im glad you survived its not your time.you CAN beat this and have many happy years ahead of you.please keep talking and please don't stop accessing support.

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Lordzeus, I wish too that there was someone close to support you . You can't allow

those voice to win. Only professional help can address that. We want you safe. x

[upsetmamma in reply to Hidden]

Can you please update us? We all care about you and want to know how you are doing. And you spoke of taking meds right? Some of your meds might be causing some of this?? Anyway - keep fighting the fight! And reach out to me if you want to talk. Like I said before - I have been through a lot with my son. We all love you here!!

[Coco123456]

Lordzeus please dont give up. Keep fighting sir. I believe we are all children of God. I believe we all sin but God still loves us and forgives us. I have felt like you just last year....like a total failure. But now on Prozac and in therapy, I have a totally different outlook.

You can start anew. You can learn new ways of thinking and acting. You can do things to heal and help the pain go away. There is hope.

[Coco123456]

Please reach out for whatever professional help you can get. Maybe go to the hospital. I went there for 3 days in 2018. Keep trying. Keep fighting. Dont execute yourself for being human. We all make mistakes.

[Coco123456]

We all have a spiritual impact just by being alive. Is there a dog at the dog pound you can give a hot dog to? Or an elderly person at a nursing home that you can go talk to? Is there any way you can do even one thing for someone else, to get your mind off of yourself?

[Hidden]

I'm so proud that you are still here! I know it's so hard, but try to believe in yourself that you can get through this. I'm so sad that you have bandages around your wrists, but you will heal. You are not a black sheep, you are hurting. You are so important and I'm so glad you are here. You are loved and the world is better with you in it. Consider putting yourself in round the clock care at a mental health hospital. It can be such a good thing to have someone near you at all times when you are feeling like this. Are you in therapy or on any meds? So much love from me, and I will keep you in my prayers! You matter! You've got this!

[Coco123456]

You are loved. You are a child of God. You are forgiven. You are worthy of a fresh start. You can mature. You can get help. You can change. You can take baby steps toward goals and a life worth living. Your family is better off with you alive. Your family will only feel more pain if you die.

[Coco123456]

There is something you can do to help someone else. Once a year or two you may be able to do something big for someone. You have to look at others some to survive. You have to love yourself more and love others more to survive. You have to have the humility to reach out for help.

You can do this. You can live and survive and help other people.

[hypercat54]

No they won't. It's only if they consider it can trigger others. The safety of the majority on here is their priority as it has to be.

[hypercat54]

Hi you haven't let anyone down only yourself. But forgive yourself as it's very difficult to cope when you are in such emotional pain.

I can't add much to the excellent help you have here except to say you need to fully understand that your thoughts are coloured by your depression. They are not real thoughts but false so don't listen to them. Even if you don't believe your loved ones tell yourself their feelings and thoughts are real so listen to them and trust them.

Similarly we are telling you the truth as well so stay with us and take on board what we are all saying. x

[Hidden]

We need you here.

[Hidden]

I wish all the nightmares in our lives would turn around and become our most desired of our hearts dreams come true. I’m really sad that you hurt. But when I saw that you are still here I feel relieved. I wish I could say or do anything to help you feel better.

[Rockmeamadeus]

You can get through this. I really hope you will seek help. You deserve more.

[quitter333]

Just don't think we suddenly support you because you cut yourself. We supported you and everyone around already before. Just for being who you are. Because we as humans just do it. Naturally.

Thats a nice perdpective innit? That the world is actually pretty supportive without a cause and we all are in this cosmic struggle for life. You are still here- you made the right choice already

[Eowyn7]

Please call a doctor or go to the hospital. You are worthy of help. But only you can decide to make that call.

[anomaly]

This kinda speaks to me on a personal level ive really struggled alot to and I've always been the black sheep among family and friends no one understands I constantly feel like im banging my head against a wall. No one wants to be around me because of the way i am, im alone drowning in the silence. I've had some thoughts alot recently, I dont want to hurt but it stops the pain.

[JustaGirl22 in reply to anomaly]

anomaly, I know how you feel about feeling like your constantly banging your head...how nothing feels like it makes sense, or that feeling of just not being able cope. You aren't alone

[LovelySnow in reply to anomaly]

Like JustaGirl22 says - you're not alone, anomaly. I've felt the same way like I'm banging my head against a wall.

[sheila1kerry]

You are still here❤️ Have you heard an old saying “ where there is life there is hope” it is true. Change can come, it can come from us. I read something on here the other night that made me really see a better way. You are starring in your own film, you can get up today with a new script, write a better ending for yourself. Make a new film . . .

The possibilities are endless.

I wish you peace and the strength to start a new film.

[Want2BHappy3]

I'm guessing this was a suicide attempt? IF it was? Sorry that you took it that far, I have a cousin that did that twice. I read that cutting your wrist rarely works. This may sound terrible? But relatives pulled away from him because we felt he was crying Wolf? If he Really wanted to kill himself he would of succeeded? This was many years ago, he's still alive. He's pretty much isolated himself. Seems that he doesn't want anything to do with anyone? Hope your going to counseling? Take care

[JustaGirl22 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

In many cases, the act of cutting releases pleasure hormones that a person who is severely depressed can finally feel. Cutting is not often used as an attempt to die, but an attempt to FEEL anything, even pain. Depressed and anxiety ridden people (like myself) don't necessarily want to be isolated, but often it's because society expects us to act normal and fine with a smile on the face. And when we cannot manage to cover up how we feel, that's when we isolate ourselves. Because we simply cannot live up to other people's expectations---not out of rebellion, but out of the consuming emptiness inside.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to JustaGirl22]

I understand that, but that's Not always the case, my cousin did it twice at different times. So in this case it wasn't "Cutting",. He hasn't done it anymore, so we feel it was for attention. He's cut us off. But I wish you the Best

[kenster1 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

people don't set out to cut for attention most of them do it to release inner pain.to the cutter it actually feels like they are healing in some form.i would hate to cut for some attention and go to far with no coming back.lordzeus I hope your ok in good hands and receiving all the care you need.take care.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to kenster1]

I agree, but there are those who do cry wolf, I believe most don't, we believe my cousin did, once we didn't come running he didn't do it anymore. I keep quiet about how I feel cause most believe it was for attention and want us to get over it.

I Never say anything to those who are not feeling well, even if it was for attention because there is something wrong there too. I am on medication. Thanks for your support

[JustaGirl22 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

And I feel like you are very judgement in your analysis. I'm not saying this for my sake, because encountering others like you has been very traumatic

I am saying that it is very disrespectful to judge the minds of others. I supposed when I arrived at this forum that we are here to listen and encourage and support. Seeing comments such as yours when responding to someone's pain, real pain, to tell a dismissive story of a needy cousin.

That's not the reason for this group. So I highly encourage anyone reading your comment, to take a second look at it and realize not to listen to judgemental attitudes like yours and your relatives.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to JustaGirl22]

Look in mirror, your judging Me...your being disrespectful by saying what you seem to be Quick to speak about something Ive experienced. I've never said anything to anyone in how they feel, I can't tell anyone how to feel. So check your self before YOU go Judging???

[Hope4me2018]

God bless be healed, devil you are revoked on the name of Jesus this is a child god and you will not have the victory. May god heal your mind, heart and fill your emptiness with wholeness!!! Hold on and don’t give up your worth it’

[Coco123456]

Good morning

[upsetmamma]

Lordzeus - you are doing a great job by fighting the voices. My son fought the voices for 7 years. He is 22 now and has a part-time job, friends, and talking about going back to college. It has been a terrible struggle so I totally understand how you feel. Do you have anyone to talk with?

[Southpark]

Praying for you. There are days I don’t want to wake up. I understand. Please keep coming here and talking. It helps. Are you in therapy. That is crucial. You are not a loser. You are special. We all love you. We are here for you.

[Twenty-three]

Glad you are still here. Life is tough with many ups and downs. I am a survivor of three attempts of suicide and I’m very happy that I didn’t succeed. My last attempt was 14 years ago. I have some good days as well as very bad days. I try my best to look at the positive and avoid people that make me think that I’m not worthy. I am very open about my depression and anxiety instead of hiding behind my mask of smiles. Being open has helped me talk about my feelings. I also journal and track my moods. Lordzeus, I hope you seek some help and find a way to express your thoughts. God bless you and take care of yourself.

[Southpark]

Also look into a therapy light. I am using one and it helps with depression. You can find them on Amazon. I bought one that wasn’t the most expensive. With all these gray days, it helps to use it. Please hang in there. Also journaling helps me to write out my thoughts. My pets help me a lot too. I think if I wasn’t here, who would protect them? They give me lots of affection because I give them lots of affection. Some times I just cling to them and cry. It sounds simplistic but it really helps.

[art62grammie]

I don't know your situation of why suicide attempts. I don't need to unless you just want to share. I know we all have loved ones. This is what would cause the most grief to those we leave behind if suicide wins. It is by far the worst of any deaths. I have never been suicidal. I do know the thought has passed through my mind a few times,. I never attempted anything. I will say that no matter what has happened in your past or even currently. It is not anything that can't heal. I know of many who have succeeded with suicide. I have seen how the friends and families suffered. Their lives will never be the same. I will say that when I went through a recent divorce, I was so devasted with the year long process. One day I was looking for a way out. I sat and shock and cried non-stop for 2 hours. I wanted to end the pain. My friend came to my resue. I am well and fine now. I have an eighty-two year old very loving mother. She is the one I think of when sucide even crosses my mind. I have always wanted to protect her. I had been Anorexic for forty years. I have recently recovered. It will be a daily process for the rest of my life. I won that battle. My repressed memories as to why I became Anorexic at 14 are just coming forth. I have repressed the trauma all those years until 2 years ago. I am dealing with each one and letting them go one by one. The childhood rape that me and my 3 siblings and my mother. That evil monster was my own father. He died many years ago. My loving mother is alive and well. The hell she went through. How did we all survive that abuse? I have no clue. My father did succeed at killing my 44-year-old brother in 2000. I have PTSD of course but Zoloft works great and even after 6 years into treatment. You bet I still go to treatment every 2 months. Recovery is freedom and I am a good fighter. My doctor told me that when these 50 years of repressed memories come to my mind. Be cautious mopst people try suicide. I tell you honey. My father took my life at 5 by rape until I was 11. I was mentally ill with Anorexia for forty years. I am now unbreakable. No one can hurt me ever again. You get the best help and communicate with us. You are human and no one is perfect. You did not let anyone down. This thought will only cause you more stress. Let it go. The best gift you can give to loves ones is to get better. DO NO TAKE YOUR LIFE. STRUGGLE AND FIGHT LIKE HELL. IT IS POSSIBLE TO HEAL THE MIND. I DID AND SO CAN YOU. I LOVE YOU AND TALK. IT IS THE BEST MEDICATION IN THE WORLD. SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR PAIN, WE ALL CARE.

[JustaGirl22 in reply to art62grammie]

Thank you, art62grammie, for sharing, it means a lot

[Lolalu]

Thank you for letting us know you are still here, I have been thinking of you and concerned. Blessings

[Hello_Vivi]

Happy that you are here but sad to hear about the bandages. You are worthy of being here and worthy of being happy. My advice is that you look into speaking to a professional, they can help with the pain you are experiencing and help you to cope. Listen to all the people here who care about you, who have been where you are and who want you to do better. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I'm hoping for better days for you.

[Hidden]

Im so sorry you are struggling so much. You are a fighter, a survivor...just keep pushing through this tough time bc it is going to get better for you. I feel like you just need some love, so im sending it to you...big hugs, kind thoughts and good vibes💗

[Samson1953]

So glad Lordzeus u r here. You are a survivor not a dissapointment to any body. Pray for strength n peace. You can keep going. Hopfully u can talk to a counselor. also maybe u can get a pet that needs a loving petson like you. and they give you unconditional love. When those negative voices talk dont listen or you tell them No! I am ok. watch funny movies. it helps me. you can do it. sending you love peace n a big hug. 🌞💖

[LovelySnow]

Hi Lordzeus. I've met people who have struggled with voices but have gotten better. It is possible!

[wallypoo]

Hey I’m glad you’re still here. I am so sorry you are the black sheep of your family. It doesn’t feel good at all. I am the black sheep of my family too. Hey 👋 we’re twins 👯

I know how you feel. It’s so devastating to want to belong and you just don’t.

I am beginning to accept that I don’t belong and I probably never will. 😪🤔 but.... I want to believe that even if they don’t accept me and approve of me, I am not a bad person! YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. I did nothing wrong. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

Please stop hurting yourself. I care about you. I believe in you. And I bet a lot of other people do too.

Would you help me by caring about me and believing in me, because I sure need it too my friend.❤️🙏✌️

[AERS]

Congratulation's!!! You are doing great. Most importantly - you are still breathing. Keep doing that. Breathing is the most important step. No matter how bad thing's may get just take one breath. Just one breath. At time's for me - it was the hardest thing to do. Second - you are reaching out for help and in a way that you feel safe with. So - congratulate yourself and do something special just for you.

As for being the black sheep of the family and letting everyone down - I relate to that one all to well. From an early age I was put on the never ending treadmill of trying to measure up and trying to please other's - which I still struggle with today. Yet - slowly, ever so slowly, I am learning to accept me just like I am. Like yourself and everyone else I was born an original.

So - congratulate yourself - you are doing great.