New here...only still here for my kids - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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New here...only still here for my kids

Quest4peace profile image
Quest4peace

Hi. I just joined this group... I'm 53yr old guy who had his first mental break last May after being squeezed out of a biz partnership with my older brother. After 30 years! Anyhow, after 3 weeks of inpatient psych, I was unemployed until end of October. Long story short, I got myself into a training program for a new career, which I thought I'd enjoy. With 3 weeks left in the program, I decided I actually would be miserable in this new field, my anxiety and fear took hold, and I baled out. Now, my suicidal thoughts are stronger than ever...the only factor preventing me are my kids, whom I don't want to wreck. But my ability to cope is waning. I'm afraid I have very little will to go on. i don't to give up and depart, but I can't see through this fog. Please help. Thank you for reading my post.

35 Replies

It sounds like you've been through a really tough time!!! Our jobs, work and money all make up so much of our lives it's completely understandable that when they're all up in the air that mental.health will be affected!!!! I send my most sincere sympathies because I imagine this has been really hard!

what support do you have in place now?

I know it sounds trite but everything moves on and one phase fizzles out as new ones come into bloom over and over. How you feel in the moment is not how you will feel later. It can be hard to accept that or believe that but it's true.

Right now you sound really low. If you're feeling at crisis point you must get help. You're right that your kids and loved ones need that for you, and I'm behind you too! Just willing you onward x

Thank you so much. What a great community this is ...knowing that people like yourself that care is comforting. I have some family and one close friend who are always there for me. Im seeing my therapist tomorrow , and she helps , but it never seems to last as lately I sink down to further depths.

I'm so glad to hear you have family and a good pal and that you're seeing a therapist. Perhaps If you log how you're feeling during the week as your feeling of relief from seeing the therapist fades? they'll be able to look at that with you?

Hope your session goes well today , let us know how you go.

Such a great answer, there is nothing i can add. Amazing insight.

First of all, you are brave for reaching out to us. That is a good first step. I had my first breakdown almost 2 years ago. It is life-changing. You are going through an identity crisis it seems. We find our identity in our jobs and when we no longer have them, we are not sure who we are or what we should do. It is ok to try something and decide it is not a good fit. Don't give up though. Your kids need you. Don't believe your depressive thoughts. They are not based in reality. Do you have a counselor you can talk to? Please reach out to us when you need to. We are here for you .

Quest4peace profile image
Quest4peace in reply to AZ1970

Thank you for replying , AZ! I hope you have made good progress since your event a few years ago. I really appreciate your supportive words , and yes, I’m actually seeing my counselor tomorrow. The frustrating thing about that is that although she’s great , nothing she says ‘sticks’ ...it’s as if my irrational thoughts overwrite whatever I try to instill from her , self help books , advice from loved ones ....it goes on and on. And I can’t get out of the loop.

I am no expert on it but I think cbt methods are designed to help you divert or redirect your brain from unhelpful loops it gets stuck in.. Have you done any work on that?

I’ve done that and dbt as well. honestly , I’ve learned the theories but haven’t put in the hard , but necessary work to let it really sink in. Instead I always revert back to my default way of thinking.

Well that is a good place to start. Why don't you give yourself a 2 week challenge of doing some of thst hard work every single day. Revisit the cbt and dbt theories and do one piece of work on it daily. what do you think? then you can measure how your investment has impacted you after 2 weeks?

AZ1970 profile image
AZ1970 in reply to Quest4peace

Quest, I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way. I have fought hard the past two years to get better. Every day I journal, I meditate, I talk to myself when my thoughts are irrational and I use the coping skills I’ve been taught. Those things have paid off. I may not see a huge difference right away. But like exercise and using a muscle, it does get stronger. This is a fight for your life. Use the time off to put time and effort into you. It’s the best investment you could make.

Quest4peace profile image
Quest4peace in reply to AZ1970

It doesn’t at all. I admire you. Keep up that good fight! I have no will at the moment. I’m trying to get through the darkness and hopelessness that I’m feeling.

sheila1kerry profile image
sheila1kerry in reply to AZ1970

Another great answer. ❤️

“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. The best is yet to come.

You have to fight bad days to have best days in your Life. At midnight, even bad days come to an end.

Stay true to yourself, yet always be open to learn. Never give up. Positivity, confidence, and persistence are key in life,

so never give up on yourself. Never give up, and be confident in what you do. There is no substitute for hard work. Never, never, never give up.

Let’s face it, life can sometimes be incredibly tough. And it certainly isn’t always fair. It will confront you with painstaking trials and tribulations.

Life will, again and again, push you to ground, leaving you with the uncomfortable impression that all hope is lost. And if that wasn’t already enough, life will confront you with frightening obstacles that seem larger-than-life.

During such difficult times, we all can make good use of something that encourages us to keep fighting. The problem, however, is to find something that keeps you going when the going get tough.

calm down and focus on what you need to do right now. And please stop beating yourself up is not your fault. Try some self love for tonight.

You deserve to be happy and am here if u need someone to talk too.praying for u and your family 🙌🏾💙

Quest4peace profile image
Quest4peace in reply to tamka38

You’re so wise. That is the truth about life. Thank you for your caring and support. This place is a blessing. I’m so happy I found it.

tamka38 profile image
tamka38 in reply to Quest4peace

U deserve to be happy and I just want u to know you’re never alone. You’re in this battle together. And u can message me anytime. This is a safe place without Judgement. Have a restful night of sleep and hope your morning goes well for u

Quest4peace profile image
Quest4peace in reply to tamka38

That is very much appreciated. Thank you .. good night and bless your heart

tamka38 profile image
tamka38 in reply to Quest4peace

Awwww thank u and bless your heart too 💙 hoping tomorrow is a better day for u

Quest4peace profile image
Quest4peace in reply to tamka38

Thank you:-)Trying so hard to stay hopeful.

tamka38 profile image
tamka38 in reply to Quest4peace

Am praying for you. And am here for u anytime. And keep reaching out. U got this

Quest4peace profile image
Quest4peace in reply to tamka38

Thank you so very much. I hope you’re doing well this morning. Today is tough as I’m officially withdrawing from program..will tell my two teens later and I’m so down about disappointing them too. I feel like more of a burden than anything else to them.

You’ve been through a traumatic event. Losing a job, in your case, a career with a sibling, is a huge event.

I’ve heard that the stress of losing a job is as stressful as dealing with a death in the family.

Nothing wrong with realizing your training program is not right for you. I’ve changed courses more than once in the past couple of years and it’s taken a toll on my self esteem.

This is a hard time for you, yes that is true. Take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Please reach out to your family and let them know your feelings if at all possible. Please continue to check in here and vent your feelings.

You are loved by your kids. And we strangers also care. 🌝

Thanks so much for replying. It’s true what you’ve said about the comparison to death.

My self esteem and my identity have been gone since May. I truly thought I was on the path to healing, but this week has become a major setback because I really thought things were looking good with this new venture. Turns out , the opposite is true , and at 53, I feel lost and don’t know what to do next. I’m afraid I have no will left to carry on

Hi I’m new here too. Just a little tip I’ve found to have helped me when finding things that keep me going. I like to schedule checkpoints, tiny little things that can get me excited through the week. For me it’s going to a movie, going to a new or favorite restaurant, visiting someone I haven’t seen in a while. I would suggest little things like this either alone or even with your kids. The things that get me the most excited though are long term checkpoints like a vacation or mastering a new hobby. I recently starting knitted small hair bands (basically making a small gift to give myself). And with the vacation is doesn’t have to be anything huge just bigger than a movie or restaurant. Then with that “vacation” I learn small fun facts or watch YouTube videos about where I’m going to get me excited in the weeks or months leading up to it. Hope you can find your own checkpoints and yes it’s hard to think of what you like to do at first but as soon as you find 1 more come in quickly.

Thank you , I appreciate that ...I wish I can see the beauty left, even the small things. I can’t seem to ..it’s as if I can’t clean the dirty window I’m looking through no matter how hard I try.

That's a sign of depression and in a sense that's comforting because it's not your personality or your outlook, it's a disorder that can be moved and treated. Keep working at it.

That’s true..I just have this dreadful feeling about telling my kids I quit the program. They were so proud and happy for me . My son who is 15 will be especially disappointed and upset. I feel like I’ve let them down before really giving it a chance. I just knew it wasn’t right for me. My problem now is that I feel I don’t have many options at my age.

Perhaps the best thing with this is to bite the bullet

I might suggest getting a list of bullet points you want to inform them of and then using this to direct your conversation if you feel you might get emotional or flustered. At the end of the day if you explain your actions with confidence your children will look to you as an adult in their life and believe your confidence. You can ask them outright not to add to the weight you are carrying with their concerns or worries or disappointment. It's a hard chat but I bet the worry about it is what is creating toxicity for you now much more. Have you discussed this with your therapist?

Thank you, HappyBeee. I think that’s great advice. I’m actually seeing my therapist today and this will be a big focus.

Oh good. let us know how this goes x

Well, my therapist thought it best that I check in to ER because of strong suicidal thoughts. So , now I have a bigger issue to explain to my kids. I don’t know where this is heading but I feel it’s not going to end well for me , and therefore won’t end well for them either. I wish I could hit the reset button and get out of this frame of mind. I wish I would have found this group sooner.

Hey Quest4peace. Hang in there. Let me another voice of encouragement.

Try to let go of your worries, anxieties (which is difficult I know) and let your helpers help. Just give your therapist time to help. Give your kids time to help.

We've had a tough year in my family that has just devastated my mother. As tough as it can be too for me to help her, I yearn to do it. Give your loved ones the chance to be there.

Quest4peace profile image
Quest4peace in reply to SirGrits

Thank you so much, “Sir”. I will keep your words close to my heart. I’m very sorry to hear that about your mom. Stay strong for her. You sound like an amazing son.

You have had some wonderful answers , so all i want to do is to wish you well. I fully understand your pain , anger and disappointment as i have been in a similar situation. Although i had no children which makes it easier when people turn bad against you. Please stay strong, if you were in business for thirty years then you are strong and resourceful , maybe you just cannot see it right now, but you will. ❤️

Sorry having said i had nothing to add- i cannot stop- your post has touched my heart. This site literally saved my life. I got chatting to someone on here, she made me laugh, i mean really laugh, tears rolling etc we now talk every single day. We both have COPD an isolating illness, that is why this site saved me. Love and support can be so powerful, it is connecting with good people who are also struggling and will not judge you. I send you wish for hope and peace. Anger is a great destroyer. You will find your strength again, this is just a little blip. ❤️

Sheila,

I haven’t been on here in a while ..I want to thank you for such heartwarming and caring words . Your posts have touched my heart, too !

You’re so right about anger.

You’re an inspiration to me. I wish you strength and comfort in battling your illness. I’m praying for you.

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