Relationship advice

[slr17]

So I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years now (my first relationship) Im as happy as i could be; this man is not only the love of my life but my best friend.

I love him lots, and i think that makes me have an incredible fear to lose him.

About a year ago, what started happening is that i feel really anxious when he goes out at night or with his friends. When he tells me he’s drinking or whatever similar. He has never given me a reason to not trust him but i still lose my sleep and have anxiety attacks when i know he’s out drinking with close friends.

I’ve talked to him about him and he has done everything he could but i still get anxious. One day i even realized that he cancelled plans he was really looking forward to just because he couldn’t bear with the thought of me being anxious. It killed me. And I’m tired of it.

I want to go to sleep at peace when i know he’s out with his friends.

Please tell me im not the only one. And please tell me what you do.

[driv3r]

I had the same problem and it cost me my relationship, a 7 year old relationship. Trust is one of the biggest factors in a relationship and our partners expect the same from us. You have to think this through and then improve step by step if you truly love this person.

[Needpeace]

I don’t think you are the only one who would feel this way. When you love someone or something so much, I think it’s normal to do a before and after comparison of ourselves. In other words, what our lives were like before we discovered this new love. I know that I did it with my girlfriend who is now my wife. This might sound silly but every time she left to go to the grocery store, I was afraid that she wouldn’t come back. I was afraid that she would get into a car accident or something would happen that would take her away from me. I knew that I was creating these different scenarios in my head and making myself anxious. I tried to channel that energy into something positive rather than negative. I thought about how lucky I was to have found this person and I would come up with different ways to show it. I’d write a love letter and put it where she would find it later. I’d cook something she liked. I’d think about something that I wanted to share with here when she got back so she knew how much I cared. Just little things. I don’t think the fear of loosing her has ever gone away. We’ve been married for 20 years. I still write her short love letters every day. I just think I have adjusted my way of thinking about it or not worrying myself about it. I hope this helps you. You aren’t alone in thinking this way. I think it’s just part of experiencing love. What a wonderful feeling it is!

[slr17 in reply to Needpeace]

Thank you so much! What makes my worries worst every time is thinking that I’m gonna ruin the relationship for caring so much. I’ll start looking at it differently from now on!

[fauxartist]

do you think you might have emotional abandonment issues from childhood or are still grieving a great loss in your life at some time....

[limenavy]

Anxiety is something that lots of people experience...so you are definitely not alone. I think Needpeace gave a really great response. For me, I experience anxiety sending my children to school on the bus. I have worst possible scenarios pop up in my mind. I'd be devastated if I ever lost one of them and letting them go in the care of strangers is terrifying to me. I keep reminding myself that they are safer on the bus than they would be in my car and that the school is prepared for worst case scenarios. They are going to take care of my children because they care about them, too. And I also recognize that my fears, while having some possibility, are really not likely to happen. It is anxiety and I recognize it for what it is and stop thinking about the bad possibilities. I also pray and then immerse myself in some other activity, like washing dishes or finding a new recipe I want to try. If I'm not sleeping well from some fear, then I quote Bible verses that help me feel better. For other fears or insecurities, I try positive and encouraging quotes. Hope this is helpful.