Need Relationship Advice : My ex and I... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Need Relationship Advice

EN1993 profile image

My ex and I broke up 2 months ago. This is out 3rd break up. Every time we break up he immediately gets into a new relationship and I beg him to come home. This time I didn't do that, and I tried pulling a him on him. When he found out I was seeing someone else he got with a girl he was with during one of our previous break ups. They got ENGAGED 2 weeks later. My heart literally feels broken. I dont know what to do. I have tried talking to him. We share a two year old and I am currently 10 weeks pregnant. So I am even more hormonal than usual. I love this man more than anything in the world next to my children. He talks to me when he picks up our son. He acts like we are friends, and then the next minute he acts like he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. I don't know what to do. I literally cry 24/7. I have such a hard time even getting out of bed everyday. I want him back so bad but I don't know of he will come back this time.

15 Replies

Try and think about the reasons why you broke up each time. Did things change when you got back together? How did you talk about what happened? Did you break up each time for the same reason or different reasons? To me, from hearing this brief explanation, it sounds like there is some communication issues and some jealousy from your ex. Also, think about the way you felt when you thought to yourself that that third time would be the last when you did not beg him to come back. I think you were very strong and brave to have realized that that would be the last time you were going to respond that way.

Also, it sounds like your ex has some issues of his own that need to be addressed. Is it possible that he is trying to make a bigger statement to you by getting engaged to this new girl and it truly has nothing to do with his actual love for the other girl? Two weeks of knowing someone logically sounds a bit quick to announce an engagement. It sounds to me like he is trying to covertly tell you something without communicating to you rationally or with words. He is trying to display something to you by acting out and causing you pain.

Think to yourself if this is something you are willing to allow back into your life should he decide to take you back. How would you cope with it if this were to happen a 4th time?

I am actually a counseling and art therapy graduate and am now a birth and postpartum doula. I also struggle with chronic daily anxiety and have experienced the torturous physical and emotional serious pain to have your S.O. leave and beg them to return only for it to happen repeatedly. It takes a very strong person to say "enough is enough!" and think about your needs and how they can be fulfilled without him.

You mentioned that you're pregnant. (Congratulations!) are you familiar with what a doula offers? They are professional birth supports who advocate for you and support you during your pregnancy, birth, and postpartum adjustment. They would be a great resource for you to attend your birth if you feel like you need support and coaching.

Last, do you have friends and family to take care of you? Please try and care for yourself during these hard times and never be afraid to ask for help to look after your other little one if you need a break. You cannot care for others before you care for yourself. Fill your "love cup" first so others can "drink" from it without depleting you.

If you would like to talk more, please feel free to P.M. me xo

EN1993 profile image
EN1993 in reply to ArtHeals

It was always for different reasons. But he always did the same thing. But when I finally gave up begging him to come home he would come. But not this time. It is like he is really trying to punish me for talking to another guy. I haven't acted like a desperate fool this time. They have set their wedding date for MY BIRTHDAY. I don't know if I could ever really forgive him for that.

ArtHeals profile image
ArtHeals in reply to EN1993

That right there tells me this is less about him getting married and much much more about him trying to play some serious mental games with you. Emotional abuse is some of the hardest to personally recognize. Notice that it does not reflect on you as a person and his actions and behavior are petty. It is sad that he has to cause damage to not only you but to this other woman in order for him to feel superior.

EN1993 profile image
EN1993 in reply to ArtHeals

Well she is garbage herself I hate to say that but it is true. When they were together before she was cheating on him and using him for money the whole time. That is why I am so shocked he would go right back to her the next day and be engaged in two weeks

ArtHeals profile image
ArtHeals in reply to EN1993

That's their problem now and now you have your own life to live and focus on moving on in a healthy direction minus their input.

Judging her only diminishes your qualities. Even if she is a horrible person, do you want to be married to a man who would marry ANYONE just to hurt their ex??!!!

That seems like a dangerous person to make yourself emotionally and financially vulnerable with! Don't get sucked into the game by this very immature and selfish man!

A man that can replace you so quickly is not worthy of you. That was really quick, you sure he got with her after you broke up or was he with her already? He is not worth it honey, why would you want to be with someone who does that to you? And then setting his wedding day on you birthday, is he telling you this stuff or did you find out through someone else? My advice; stop begging him, act like you don't care, do not lower yourself to him. He sounds like he likes to make you feel bad and he doesn't sound like he is worth it.

EN1993 profile image
EN1993 in reply to

Yes I am sure he got with her after. I don't think he has it in him to be a cheater

in reply to EN1993

That was really quick then, and wants to marry her so soon? He is trying to hurt you so much that he does not realize he is ruining his own life by jumping into marriage so soon. Let him learn his lesson. I know you are in pain and will be for a while but if he is meant to be with you he will go back on his own, if you decide you want to take him back and keep dealing with him. Other than that you can't force it.

I know you love him, and I know it’s hard to move on when this is the case, but for your sake and the sake of your son and baby on the way, you’ve got to. He clearly is not a good man and does not deserve to be with you. You need to cut off all ties with him unless it has to do with your children, and have faith that you will meet someone new who is good to you and gives you the love you deserve. This man is playing games with you and it’s hurting you. Don’t let him do that, value yourself and happiness and love with the right man will follow. I wish you all the best ❤️

Do you think it would ever really work out if you already broke up three times. He got engaged to someone he had seen during one of your previous break ups. Are you sure he stopped seeing her when you got back together? Are you pregnant with his child?

EN1993 profile image
EN1993 in reply to Lexica02

Yes it is his baby. I really don't think he was seeing her while we were together

HearYou profile image
HearYou in reply to EN1993

So your answer is you don't know . You wrote that you were seeing another man when you were apart.

EN1993 profile image
EN1993 in reply to HearYou

He is the father. Just because u was talking to someone doesn't mean I was sleeping with them.

I apologize, My English is a bit different from yours. You said you were seeing someone else. Another member straight out asked "Are you pregnant with his child?" I didn't ask you anything about "just because u was talking to someone"......What does that mean?

In any case, it's going to be a rough situation and I wish you the best.

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