Anxiety and depression

[blackchurchill]

Hi,

My therapist recommended I joined a support group for anxiety and depression. Long story short, I've dealt with anxiety since as long as I can remember, though at the time I did not know something was "wrong" with me.

Anxiety showed up during my childhood, adolescence and now adulthood in eating disorders; Binge Eating Disorder to be precise. I was always overweight, sometimes, obese.

I started consuming large quantities of alcohol at age 14 (I'm in Mexico so it's no big deal to get it here as a minor), then at 22 I "discovered" coccaine.

So, besides my eating disorders, which at times became anorexia I was dealing with addiction which made it worse.

On July 2018 the ugliest part of my story unfolded. I was consuming alcohol nonstop accompanied by coccaine to be able to keep going. I have a very good job that luckily I didn't lose because I'm what you would call "smart" and my boss forgave my very frequent absences. College was easy too so my addictions had no big consequences until August 2018.

I barely remember that night but my depression, driven by my anxiety, made me want to overdose because life was just meaningless and my despair was overwhelming. My partner at that time was able to save me from myself and I started, very unwillingly, therapy.

My life has changed since then, I had to quit drinking, consuming cocaine, started taking Clonazepam, Paroxetine and Bupropion (pardon me if those are not the exact names in English). I am better, I am focused but overall I realized I had lost my ambition, my drive to be the best, to know more, to be more.

Activities that I used to enjoy like reading, programming, taking courses had been slaughtered by my addiction and my anxiety. I cannot pinpoint depression exactly, except for that night, but anxiety leaves me completely unfunctional.

I hope to keep getting better, get my M.S. and be all I deserve to be. I realize some of this comes from what you may call a "difficult" childhood but that's no excuse to give up.

If any of you has taken the time to read this post, please read Churchill's speech "We shall fight on the beaches", because that's what we need, to never surrender.

Thank you,

BlackChurchill

[Jeff1943]

You are most welcome here, blackchurchill, and I have a strong feeling from reading your post that like Churchill you are going to be on the winning side.

For you your progress so far is "not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is the end of the beginning."

As WC also said.

[blackchurchill in reply to Jeff1943]

Hi Jeff1943,

Thank you for reminding me of that marvelous speech. Independent of your political views, his speeches have been a great source of strength during difficult times.

And you're right, maybe, this is the end of the beginning