Thanks For Responding Olivia 40 & Ago... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Thanks For Responding Olivia 40 & Agora 1

Mistykitten profile image
Mistykitten

This whole mess started when my mom and sister stopped talking. It made me wonder if my relationship with my girls was strong or did they feel we had any problems. I sent each of them an email. I asked what they felt about our relationship. My eldest daughter (Carrie, 33, no children) sent a text that said you chose to live your illness instead of living with dad Catie and mE. I was just beginning to become ill with strange things happening. Falling asleep where ever, when ever, even with food in my mouth. Carrie was in 10th grade, my youngest (Catie 27, 1 child) was in 5th grade dealing w/PTSD from Columbine shooting in Co. Come to find out I had diabetes, and sleep disorder called idiopathic hypersomnia (fancy word for we can't explain why you're sleeping so much). And lots more problems. I have not heard from Carrie since. Begin of Nov. Catie says I was always "passed out". I was sleeping. They both think I was doctor shopping to get the best drug I could. I was looking for the best doc. I could find to diagnose me. Catie talks to me but has made it very clear that if she didn't have Cami (granddaughter), we wouldn't have a relationship at all. Both girls say well dad tried to do things with us. I could barely walk due to neuropathy, they got me a wheelchair, but would leave me stuck in between racks of clothes. I couldn't propel the wheelchair, so to make it easier, I just quit going with them. This was in 2001! This is the first I am hearing of this. I am crushed. It Took me 5yrs to get pregnant with each of them. Now I feel hated. (This is so jumbled due to space requirements.) Carrie has blocked me on Facebook I'm sure... I'm not to contact her at all, she has told my husband. I wake up daily and immediately start crying. Doesn't stop till about 2pm. Since it started, I have lost over 30lbs. Not good for a diabetic. Teach me please. Is it ok to put your names where I did or should I have just left it blank and posted with no names. Don't know how this works yet,but I wanted to acknowledge your kindness in responding. I sent Carrie email telling her I did the best I could. She didn't pop out with an owners manual. The intensity of anger is palpable.

11 Replies

How heartbreaking! I don't know if this helps, but remember your daughters were seeing life through a child's eyes who could not make sense of what was happening. They have filled in the gaps with what they know or what they have been told. I know it still hurts. As much as you can, give them space. Perhaps they have their own healing to do just as you have with your family. We don't intend on hurting those we love. Your girls needed you growing up and you were not able to be there for them as they needed. It is not your fault, life happened. But their pain is real to them. Lean on us to help you get through this.

Mistykitten profile image
Mistykitten in reply to AZ1970

so true. that's why I am so thankful I found this site. It's like a big family. I still am in the "deer in the headlights stage", but I can see a small light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks

Hi Mistykitten, I can't speak for both of us, but it is perfectly fine that you

addressed the attention of your post to Agora1. Your story is sad but unfortunately

not unique. Too many people who suffer with mental health lose friends and family

over this issue. Even with those close to us, as children who saw the devastation of

mental health issues, can't understand, feel cheated in some way in not having a mother

100% present.

There was a time that I was so drugged up by my psychiatrist that I hardly remember one

day from another. Every time I sat down, I fell asleep and would wake up in a startle screaming and crying in fear. There was no understanding of my illness just disgust and

regret in having a mother who was consumed by anxiety.

Morning anxiety with crying and shaking was also my way of greeting the day. One time

when I called 911 because of the severe symptoms, my daughter met the paramedics

at the door and talked down about me. In my darkest times when suffering from panic

attacks, I was never supported, I actually was verbally abused over and over again. Anger

was definitely there but I chose to express it with crying and shaking. NOT any more..

After much therapy, I have found different tools to get me through. You don't deserve

the silent treatment or put down anymore than I do or anyone else on this forum.

Don't allow yourself to be disrespected. They don't want to talk with you, it's their loss.

We do the best we can through a child's growing and developmental years, once they

are adults, the choice is theirs whether to keep a relationship or not.

You cannot control what your daughters decide to do but you can control in how you

react to their insensitivity. You are important. It's time for you to let go. xx

Mistykitten profile image
Mistykitten in reply to Agora1

Wow!, I just got it, didn't I. And I agree 100% with every word you said. All you did was speak the truth, and it didn't hurt!. Yesterdays thoughts were about my oldest daughter, Carrie (no kids) she is a big time daddy's girl..... well, really, they both are. but once you marry and move on with your spouse, you have made your family unit. I don't think Carrie realizes, that daddy isn't going to fly to spend a week with her without me. he is my husband. he may be her father, but her husband is number 1 in her life now. I wonder if she has given that any thought? we plan to retire into a 30ft camping trailer full time for as long as my health will allow. It includes seeing parts of the US where she lives, we might drive by for coffee at a café, but we won't stay if she doesn't want to see me. my husband.. is my husband, and he agrees. she's married now and has her own "family" to support, love, and live with. I continue to have dreams of my death before I'm 70, she can have him, when I'm in an urn. I want nothing more than to have a relationship with both of them. but I am not going to risk my health and 20 more years with my high school sweetheart over this. (we married before I graduated High School), I was 17, he was 19. Carrie came 5 years later and Catie came 5 years after Carrie. In May 2019 we will celebrate 39yrs together. She will have to wait..... God help her if she can't forgive me and he goes first! ( I'm not even going there!) I told her she needs to forgive me, I did the best I could. I don't need forgiveness…….. but she needs peace! regards Mistykitten

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Mistykitten

Mistykitten, you did just get it x The circle of life. It's a hard pill to swallow sometimes but you and your husband have a beautiful story to continue together. :)

How blessed you are in finding the love of your life back in high school and having

been together almost 39 years. It's a love story that needs to continue. Your dreams

of retiring into a camping trailer and experiencing parts of the U.S. are something you

and your husband deserve to enjoy.

What we want and what we receive from our children is their choice once they're adults and have started their own families.

I wish both you and your husband many more years of love and adventure together.

Take each day as it comes, knowing you did the best you could. Hugs, Agora xx

Mistykitten profile image
Mistykitten in reply to Agora1

Thanks for your kind words. I am so tired of crying every morning and feeling so alone. Thank God my husband is home for the weekend I have his support for 2 full days before I have to go back to being alone for the entire work week.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Mistykitten

One day at a time Mistykitten...you are never alone during the week,

we will be here to support you. xx

Mistykitten profile image
Mistykitten in reply to Agora1

Yep, I have to keep that in mind. Thx

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Hi Mistykitten..

My apologies for a delayed reply. I’ve only just seen the mention here.

It’s no problem. Hooe you feel welcome here. It helps to write things down I always think, it lessens the load...and I’m pleased to hear you can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I’ve realised in life, things can turnaround and the unexpected happens...

When we least expect. I hope life brings unexpected nice happenings your way in the future...

Good wishes to you 🌺🌺🌺🌺

Thanks Olivia 40, today has been a bad day for me. Hard to get through. I still have not been able to get out of bed without crying. Thank God for my husband. He is so understanding. He has gone through this with me when I was 22, so he knows it's temp., I need a little help with some depression medication, some therapy, some time, let my daughters make their decisions and we'll go from there. About 4pm I realized that I have been out of my estrogen pills for over a week now, so we went and got those refilled. That would explain a lot of the over emotional reaction. Now I have to wait to get that med back up to a good therapeutic level. So I'll allow myself to cry for about 2 more weeks if I have to, but I hope it will be quicker than that.

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Hidden in reply to Mistykitten

Sorry to hear this...really hope you begin to feel a little better...

Apologies again. I seem to miss replies at times...just seen this one...

So pleased you have an understsnding husband, who helps you.

Yes give your girls some space to digest things...sometimes it takes time to see the other side of things

Best wishes 🌺🌺

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