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Growing up around women who were afraid to speak

Parents usually make us who we are whether it's bad or good it depends. I grew up with a mother who was afraid to speak who break silently, a father who was my worst nightmare from the moment I could speak, i was the oldest of 4, i had it worst cause i couldn't be silenced, I WAS LOUD, i wasn't my mother, i had a trumpet for a mouth and couldn't be broken, i grew up faster than i should, smarter, it was when i started 10 grade i was almost 16 and things at home took a turn for the worse and he pushed my little sister in a pool she was only 7 at the time (to this day no amount of therapy can get her to go near a pool or beach). I decided to write a letter about our lives, i really thought it was a matter of time that we probably wouldn't make it, and thought at least someone should know we existed, they should know our names and what we went through. i took some pictures of all of our bruises and took some of mom while she was sleeping and put it in a letter, i was carrying that letter around for a week, just a few pieces of papers weighted so much, then on a Saturday in front of a Starbucks i pushed it inside a cops car while he was drinking his coffee with his back turned then i took a bus home, i had my first panic attack that day i didn't even know that's what it was called i thought that my heart finally had enough and was giving up on me. Now im a 24 year old who never keep her mouth shut and go into severe panic attacks when at the slightest touch of a guy

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Omg....I am so sorry for this happening to you.... and good for you....you stood your ground... I was the oldest too...and the black sheep... I got the brunt of all my mothers anger.... did anything happen with the letter....your writing is very eloquent and thought provoking....I hope you know how intelligent and articulate you are, it's truly an amazing gift you have.

I want you to know I understand living a childhood that is a living nightmare that you never seem to wake up from, and the invisible scars run so deep as to effect us for the rest of our lives....I'm glad your sharing about it here.

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These scars are with us for life

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yes they are .... but now I don't let them define me... or hold me back from being okay with me being a work in progress... this damage is deep into the limbic region of the brain which is very primal...and no.... it does not go away, we don't just get over it, or leave it in the past, and yes...it's a bumpy road for many of us because of it...but we can get better.... my monsters are gone.... they can't hurt me in the physical world any more...I made sure of it.... but the after effects will always haunt me.... I just have to keep me safe around those triggers and know I'm going to be okay now. I'll get passed what ever has me going south at the moment....

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The cops were already at the house before i made it home they took us to the police station took pics of our bodies then call child services then some detective took us to a hotel that was so far away we stayed there while they look for him

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you mean your father took off?.... what happened to him and you guys....was you mother with you....

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They found him the next day, mom and my little sisters and brother was home when the cops came, after a week at the hotel child services said we needed therapy cause of the traumas, we spent 3 months at the hotel with free food and everything after that a lady at the court house got some charity people who gave us a check to start over

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what a good message of hope.... there really are good people in this world... few and far between.... but your so blessed to have that happen for all of you....

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He went to prison, we change our names and left the state

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Wow..... that is really really good to hear.... and I'm glad your here to share about it because sadly this story is only part of the damage... that continues with us...and your here...sharing.... and your not alone.....

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And im sorry your childhood was traumatic like mine

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we are stronger, survivors.... and warriors who fight the good fight.... your story will help others in ways you cannot even imagine... and that's the gift .... you pass on your hope and triumph....and the fact that your healing is a journey.... and your pain is valid..we still have bad days where we are sad, but then we get through it.. and it gives others hope they too will and can get help, get better.

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I don't consider these people my parents since, ever since i got adopted i found a great mother and father who love me unconditionally, you ma'am have courage be proud of that and never be silent

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thankfully you have that in your life.....unconditional love....

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Our lives are better, mom is doing well, only 2 of us are still in therapy

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what strength.... to survive what you all did, and that you all managed to stay together is incredible....it just takes what it takes to get better.... no time limits on that for sure.

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It's sad when our scars were put there by the people who were suppose to love us

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that's exactly it.... the ones who were supposed to protect us from the monsters, actually were the monsters... the ones who were supposed to be there for us when we fall... pushed us down. Some may think this harsh of me to say...but I think there is a special place in hell for those who hurt children, and wife beaters, and the rest of them... no.... I forgive myself for being so hard on me, and feeling and thinking I was worthless because of what was done to me.... it's not our fault, we had a bad person do bad things to us...we did not deserve this or do anything to cause it...it's all on them.

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It is not a harsh thing to say faux you're 100% right. There's a special place for them and im glad you're hanging in there, they won't win and we're no longer victims

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no...they won't win.... and we do get stronger... what bothers me though the most is the indifference these monsters have for their actions...they feel absolutely nothing....and don't care about the damage they have done. My mother didn't... but she is a true socoipath....she is incapable of regret, or empathy, or compassion, they really don't feel anything for anyone but themselves...they take no responsibility what so ever... everything is revolved around their wants and needs. I thankfully must not have inherited that part of her gene pool...may it RIP.

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You're a good soul Faux even with your replies how you try to help people on here and listen to them, may all their sick gene pool rest in peace

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We're strong survivors and most of all better people than they'll ever be

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All men are not your father. Dissociate him from that position. He was at best somehow mentally ill, at worst a bit of a monster. Not the same, not the same, you may have to be careful who you date, make sure he does not have any family issues that can manifest in a negative way. Other than that, he is an isolated occurrence in your life, dissociate with the hurt he caused.

I say this because I do not believe he should have power any longer over your life. I know it left a scar; I will be praying for healing. God’s blessings.

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❤️ blessings to you

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Sorry to hear that !! Yes parents are important in our lives ,they are the reason we are alive ! Had a bad child live ,my dad was a alcohol! ! Very very sweet man,wasn't around alot ..I was from 5 siblings n i was the 4th! We were poor ,trust me poor ,I worn hand me downs n experated it ,it was cold out n i needed a coat brrr! I said something stupid to my mom and she slapped me !! I said if you are not happy with him why did you have us !?? Not was that a mistake !!! She loved him ,he tried ,but lost the battle ,died of liver damage ,my mom fell to pieces ..I didn't know she cared !! Wow ik now !! !

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I loved my dad ,and still do ,wish I had more time with him !!!

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