So the evening before my 50th birthday I hit a low and wrote about it in my journal. I couldn’t handle life anymore. I share my journal with my best friend (been best friends for 35yrs). The next morning she sent me a happy birthday text and that we would be celebrating in a couple weeks. I didn’t respond because I was still really down because of work, turning 50, and a relationship. I didn’t call her as I have always done in the morning on my way to work. She texted several times and called and when she didn’t get a response she called my work. I was with a guest and couldn’t pick up. Finally I called and texted and she was pissed off at me for doing what I did. She said it sounded like I was going to end my life and not calling and picking up. She won’t talk to me, says she doesn’t know what the future holds for us and has completely removed herself from my life. No explanation of why, no closure. Just stopped everything.
As you know if you have anxiety and depression no closure is a mind blower. It spins me out on a daily bases. I don’t know how to get out of it.