Lack of Understanding Depression

After spending 12+ years suffering from depression, I have come to the end of my rope from the lack of understanding by my husband, family and so called friends.

My husband spends most of his time playing golf, riding his bike or going to the gym. When he's home, he watches tv at the opposite end of the house. My son and daughter are both married and have their own lives to live. The only time I hear from any of them is when they want/need something from me.

The hurt and pain I feel is almost unbearable. Lately my days have been spent in my bedroom. I do emerge from there to take care of my two dachshunds, feed myself and go to the bathroom... no self care... just sleep to escape the pain and loneliness. My wish is that this 62 year old wife/mother/nana/dachshund mom can find a place where peace and happiness reign and to everyone else that suffers from this dreaded disease as well.

[Hidden]

Oh my I'm so sorry you are going through this. Are you seeking help for you? You should because believe it or not you're special, there is only one you! I'm here for you sending dump trucks of hugs! Love, peace, light & joy!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply and concern! I converse with a therapist on a regular basis which does provide some relief if only temporary. Your hugs are very much appreciated! 💕

[hypercat54]

Hi it's good you are seeing a therapist but the whole idea of talking therapy is to help you talk through and understand where your issues are coming from and helping you to deal with them. Are you on any meds as well?

I understand what you are saying about your situation but you still need to do a few things otherwise it can only get worse. Do you take your dogs out walking? Does this help?

Unfortunately it's common for families not to understand but it doesn't mean they don't love you - it just means they don't understand. Have you tried telling them how they can help you? x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I take Effexor 225 mg daily as well as Levothyroxin for hypothyroidism. I walk my 6 month old doxie with a leash. My 12 year old doxie rides in a stroller because he suffers from an enlarged heart.

My therapist is aware of my issues and their causes. I came from a very dysfunctional family. I was sexually abused as a child and bullied at school. I have attempted suicide twice and was hospitalized as a result of both attempts. Both attempts were long ago. I do have good days but lately have regressed due to triggers out of my control.

My husband attended several NAMI meetings but only after I asked him to. Since then he has returned to his old ways. As far as my son and daughter are concerned, my only request to them was to call me once a week to keep in touch. I guess that was asking too much.

So now I have come to this place hoping to find someone who has gone through a somewhat similar experience as me. It would be a great relief knowing I am not alone.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Do you still attend meetings? Recovery is life long and fellowship with others who are in recovery is healthy. If you have stopped going to meetings I encourage you to go back, and go multiple times a week.

[b1b1b1 in reply to Hidden]

Why don't you call your son and daughter? This may help.

[Hidden in reply to b1b1b1]

I call them on occasion. My calls end up in their voicemail. They may or may not return my calls within a day or two. No calling them today because I’m having a very bad day.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Maybe the ad med is no longer helping and might need to be upped or even changed.

As you can get out why not join an over 60's group so you have company during the week? We all need company and it doesn't appear you are getting any from your family. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I am taking the maximum dosage of Effexor. I asked my psychiatrist to change my antidepressant but she refused to do so. I’ll go on your recommendation to join a 60’s group. I know for a fact that my husband won’t interfere with that because he’s already told me that he doesn’t like to hang out with the “old folks”. Go figure... 😒. BTW he’s 61 years old!

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Well it doesn't have to be an over 60's group so maybe try a younger one. I don't know which country you are in but there are bound to be other types of local groups.

Also how about being a volunteer somewhere? I am in the UK and volunteer in a local charity shop and love it. There are all sorts of roles available from front facing or in the back sorting etc. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I live in the US. I believe that trying a 60’s group will be my best bet. Also, there are animal shelters that are always looking for volunteers. Tomorrow will be a good day to call a couple of them. I used to volunteer at a hospital. Perhaps they will have an opening for me. 💕

[Hidden]

I feel so much for your pain and your feeling of isolation. It’s not easy coming from a family that’s not so supportive and married to a spouse who doesn’t quite understand you. Have you both tried to have conversations with each other or going to a marriage counselor for help? Perhaps, he’s not available for you because he feels his needs aren’t met. I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, but it’s too easy to feel sorry for ourselves and forget that others also have their battles when we’re depressed. I think sometimes, we just have to push ourselves to give to others in return to have a healthy relationship. We can’t change the past, but we can certainly change the present. Think happy thoughts, and if that doesn’t help, maybe go out and do things that bring you laughter. I’m also sending you lots of hugs to let you know you’ve got a friend who cares.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi MusicLover2

My spouse has gone with me to counseling sessions with me (when it didn’t interfere with his recreational activities). Also, I should mention that he was involved in extracurricular activities because that's what narcissists do.

I have taken solo out of town trips just to get away for a few days. Movies and walks/strolls with my doxies are another way out for me as well.

I don’t feel sorry for myself. My mother suffered from depression and I understand that heredity may have played a role as a reason for my depression.

As far as my kids are concerned, both are well-educated and have satisfying careers. My daughter and son-in-law are special education teachers. My son and daughter-in-law work in the health care industry. I hope that my role as their mother had something to do with their successes. Neither they or their spouses smoke, are not drug addicts or alcoholics, or are a part of the criminal society.

There comes a time when a wife/mother decides she has done everything she can to ensure their children are happy and healthy. I will continue that role part time. If nothing else, I hope they will reciprocate in kind when the time comes. Until then, I intend to travel more (by myself and with my doxies if need be), and perhaps volunteer at an animal shelter.

Thank you for your concern! 🐾❤️🐾❤️

[lemoncakeblue]

I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I read some replies and they seem like good ideas to me. Definitely try to meet someone you can connect to. Sending hugs to you. My dog is my best friend and who sticks by my. I hope your little pups do too.

[Hidden in reply to lemoncakeblue]

Thank you lemoncakeblue. I’m going to try meet up with a group or two and hopefully make some new friends. My two fur babies are my best friends. There’s nothing like unconditional love.

[ThyroidJ]

I’m so sorry you are feeling low. I don’t mean to talk out of turn but your husband sounds very selfish and I’m not surprised you feel isolated. Could you both go to the gym together? Have you discussed your past abuse? You have had lots of trauma and it’s no wonder your mental health has suffered. Withthe news be the current topic of sexual abuse it can trigger and cause a relapse. Depression is hard. I have Graves’ disease and my mood is certainly intensified since this diagnosis

[Hidden in reply to ThyroidJ]

Hi Thyroij,

Thank you for your concern.

I believe you were reading my mind when I mentioned to MusicLover2 that my spouse is a narcissist. In the past, he invited me to join the gym with him but backed out at the last minute saying I wouldn’t use it enough to justify the cost. That’s what narcissist’s do... 😏

I’m so sorry about your diagnosis of Graves Disease. I can only imagine what you’re feeling during this difficult time. I will add you to my prayer list and hope for only better days ahead for you! I hope we can keep in touch with each other! God Bless You! 💕

[ThyroidJ in reply to Hidden]

That’s very sweet of you to pray for me only if you have the energy and strength x yes you sound like your very caring and have empathy something a narcissistic person loves x

[ThyroidJ in reply to ThyroidJ]

Yes we literally wrote at the same time ha ha

[Hidden]

Hi LoveLetters,

I’m sorry if I might have unintentionally made you feel hurt. I’m glad you’re happy with your children’s success. And I’m sure you’ve done a great job as a mom, otherwise, they wouldn’t be where they’re at. Your husband really seems like a self-centered person. Have you ever thought about separating from your spouse? (You’re probably not thinking about that, but it might be a good option for you. Perhaps he’ll realize he’s lost a great woman and rethink about how he’s been treating you.). Living in a relationship with a person who doesn’t express his affection for you can feel like being trapped in an emotional prison. You’re better off finding someone else who’ll be better suited for you—and who will care enough to do things to meet your needs.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

No need for apologies. You’re so kind and seem to really understand where I’m coming from.

I’ve tried to leave him on several occasions but haven’t been able to because of how insecure I begin feel. I’m not able to work; therefore, I’m on a fixed income. It would be so nice to find a true gentleman I could trust, love, and spend the rest of my life with. What a pleasant thought that is to me!

Thank you for your understanding! Many Blessings to You! ❤️

[SuZQ154]

Hi LoveLetters! Your responses are very honest and transparent. I respect that and hear your pain of having a marriage which is not fulfilling your needs. Relying on my husband to become the person I believe he could and should be has been a rather futile hope. I have learned to pray for him and work on my own issues. In the past, I have seen a Christian counselor, which also proved helpful. I want to encourage you...there is hope. After many years, life has gotten easier. Changing my thinking has helped change my reactions and behaviors. I now try to think,"You are worthy. You are enough. You are loved by God." I am. That helps me to survive the days with hope. Hope this helps you and hope you are having a better day today!

[Hidden]

Morning hidden, I feel your so very personal pain. I have depression also and my husband says that I have no reason to be depressed. I was emotionally neglected through my childhood and think this is the basis to my depression. Been researching this and it makes perfect sense.

Sorry to ramble about me but many of us are really in the same boat that feels like it’s sinking at times. 😢