I am very afraid of depression

[ovilia]

I'm new. I have had 4 very scary depressions in my life. They were all about 10 years apart and about 2 weeks long because I got help, but they were intense and I felt moment to moment pain that I thought was unbearable. The last one I think was precipitated by the flu and isolation due to northern climate that left me isolated. I do have people who care about me but when this happens it doesn't matter. I am not a religious person but when this happens I think that the Devil wants me and is controlling my emotions because who else could be so strong and evil and cause so much pain? It scares me because I can't prove it's not true. In between, I am a happy person When I am depressed think that the Devil wants me to die so that I will be in Hell forever. Now I am afraid of death even when I'm well. I am so sorry to share this, I don't want to scare anyone

Well I woke up one day and it had lifted. I am so grateful. It does end. I think that washing my hair, putting on makeup cleaning the house and going out for dinner actually helped, although I didn't feel like doing any of it at all, plus medication helped. Thank you for all your help

[NeuronerdDoaty]

I’m glad you’re here. You are very brave to share.

Welcome💐

[BossMom2019]

Same here... and my phobia of death makes me feel as if I’m gonna die at any second

[ovilia in reply to BossMom2019]

I first read that as "diet" any second, Thanks for the laugh even though you didn't mean it . That is a scary thought too. Thank you for responding.

[sweetiepye]

Nothing will come from your depression that isn’t already in you.

[ovilia]

But it did. I think it was depression talking. I never thought that before.

[amoeba43]

Hey Ovilia,

I totally understand that fear. Depression is scary. It's in your head and so it's very hard to escape from and almost impossible to reason with.

And I absolutely get the feeling like the devil is in your head, and perhaps to some degree (figuratively speaking, etc.) that may be true.

If that's the case then, it means you would be incredibly brave though, in my opinion. To be facing down something so cruel each time it comes knocking. And perhaps each time you learn a little bit more about that particular enemies battle plan? Some good strategies to defeat them?

Perhaps in the intervals between you grow your allies, so that you don't have to face the next battle alone? So that you can learn different approaches and learn from veterans?

Depression is scary. Life is scary. But it is very often the case that we don't have to battle it alone.

Best of luck, friend. I'm cheering for you.