Lack of support

[kbaum11]

Hi y’all, I haven’t been on here in a while, but going thru some stuff and I really don’t have a lot of support. I have a list of therapists to call tomorrow but I know that process can take a while so for now, I’m coming here. Long story short, I finally cut everything off with this guy who is my best friend but we had been hooking up on and off which confused me. And I had/still have feelings for him so I just haven’t been able to get over him while trying to be friends and still sometimes hooking up. So a couple days ago I told him I needed space and time to work on myself, so I’m not talking to him. And I logged out of all my social media. And I downloaded some dating apps to talk to other guys. And this all sounds really dumb when I read it back but I just am so so extremely sad and anxious and I keep crying and I just want to call him but I can’t. And the thought that there’s no end time to this break makes me panic. Do y’all think it’s even possible to ever be friends with him again?? I know we both want that. But in the meantime, how do I get out of bed and back into life without crying every two seconds or feeling like I’m gonna throw up all the time? Any and all words of advice/support/encouragement are welcome. I don’t really have many people I can talk to about this since no one really knows we were ever hooking up. :/

[Kat63]

If you really want a functional love life - I personally find that it’s hard to do casual hookups. I can’t speak for everyone, but casual sex just doesn’t work for me; it has never brought anything good, in the long run.

IMHO, you are doing the right thing to try to completely separate from this guy. Your feelings of confusion are valid, and you need to honor them by taking time and space from this person.

I have found help from a website called Love Addicts Anonymous. They have some great tips on how to maintain no-contact with a person who’s problematic for you.

[TheMeg]

I have a similar situation right now. I was with a guy that literally was perfect for me. But he had his own mental health issues and he needed time to himself. It's been months and I still can't stop thinking about him and wishing I could go back to when we were together. In my opinion, focusing on yourself is the only way to get through it. You'll never be able to be able friends or anything else with him until you feel good about who you are.

[TheMeg in reply to TheMeg]

When I focus on me I try and workout and focus on clean eating. I also like to try new things or doing things by myself. Hope that helps!

[Hidden]

Question for you - how come you guys don’t make things official? Is he just not into relationships? Is he good to you? Or was he kind of a jerk?

I would ignore guys completely and do good for yourself, for now. They’ll just distract you temporarily. I know it’s so hard to get over someone you care about. Maybe you can be friends waaaaay later but def not when feelings are involved.

You have a broken heart so until that heals, you won’t feel better! My momma told me to never stay in with a broken heart cuz each day that passes gets harder and harder. During my last breakup, I packed my purse and went to a cafe to get cake. I did cry and I was embarrassed but I was able to not coop myself up. It helped me get it together.

Feel free to message me ❤️

[kbaum11]

Wow thank you all so much for the helpful replies!! 😭 yeah he has his own mental health problems and he doesn’t want a relationship w anyone right now, and I don’t want a casual thing, and I can’t just be friends with him. I’ve tried but then I see him around other girls and I get super jealous. And I’m not normally the type to get jealous like that. This feels different and way more unhealthy than usual. It just sucks cause he’s my best friend and he knows me better than anyone else and he’s the easiest to talk to about things I’m dealing with.