Sick of fighting

[faulhallen]

My ratio of positive to negative posts is still dangerously even.... I’ll have to find time to fix that when I’m in a better mood.... until then...

I’m so f—-ing sick of fighting with my ex!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬

Seriously! It’s reached a point where she almost always comes back and says I was right but I think she’s screwing with me head on purpose because I NEVER won arguments when we were together.

It’s not even the fighting that pisses me off it’s WHAT it is about. For some background, my ex has had a vastly different experience with dating while separated than I have. What’s relevant to this post is she’s been seeing one guy in particular for a couple months now. Originally not exclusive and the whole time occasionally trying to talk me into maybe giving her another shot.

Then a couple of weeks ago she goes to a concert with him. She gets home around 3 am when I got home from my old job and is just gushing about how they’re so serious now and she has such strong feelings for him, blah blah blah...

I don’t care. Good riddance. She’s done nothing but make me miserable for years. BUUUUT!!

She turns around and says “you need to meet him because we’re going to need his help with childcare.”

Over my dead f—-ing body!

She had the nerve the next day to tell me that I need to be okay with it because the kids are going to have to start going on dates with them! I lost my shit. Her argument is because they’ve been friends on Facebook and have talked for months he’s trustworthy and qualified. I don’t care. I don’t trust just anyone with my beautiful 7 year old girl and son who can’t speak and they’d been “serious” for less than 12 damned hours!

Anyway, massive fights have ensued since then including one where she guilted me into driving out of my way after work to “help her drunk and sick friends” to get me to meet him but it was calm for a while... (I should note she claims this wasn’t the plan but she distinctly made it sound like she wanted to die so I would talk to her on the phone, said she had three women throwing up out the windows and made it sound like she was driving with no mention of him.... being the damned DD of all things).

Then she pops up last night and tries to clear him coming over to the house because her mom won’t be home this weekend (her mother LOATHES AND DESPISES him on account of her being a massive racist).... while me and the kids are sleeping...

That was probably the worst fight we ever had and she didn’t even seem to think her idea was weird or could easily backfire for nearly half an hour. The fight drug on at least twice as long as that.

She has admitted today that I was right. It could have gone wrong and our daughter probably wouldn’t handle it well but what is so hard for her to understand about this? I don’t want significant others around our kids PERIOD unless it has been serious for a very, very long time. She talks like it’s her right to introduce him whenever she damned well pleases and it should be be in the next couple of months.... when they’ve been officially exclusive for maybe 2-3 weeks

She does all this after she had the freaking nerve to tell me I’m spending too much time with my daughter and it would be easier for her to adjust when I move out if I didn’t earlier in the afternoon....

End of rant.... I’m only getting more angry...

[Hidden]

Gracious!!! I was getting pissed just reading this let alone experiencing it first hand. I completely agree with you about protecting your children at all costs. You are not being unreasonable because you have chosen to put protective boundaries around your kids. Parents breaking up is confusing enough much less having to deal with "Mommy's new friend". It really sounds like she is thinking of herself and what she wants and needs. My ex-husband was also very self-centered during our initial separation and ultimate divorce, so I understand. Stand your ground Faulhallen!!! Our children are far to precious.

[faulhallen in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! It has been infuriating and it's made worse by the fact that she agreed to these boundaries when we separated. I don't know what's going through her mind but she has gotten increasingly more self-centered over the last couple years and especially since our separation. I'm hoping it's just that she isn't thinking clearly with all the stress in her life at the moment and that this won't be this way forever.

[Hidden in reply to faulhallen]

It's been 10+ years since my divorce. I wasn't able to see clearly then because there was enough pain and hurt to go around for all involved. Now in hindsight, I realize that his selfishness was more about his ability to deal with the hurt. He threw himself neck deep into another relationship, put his interests above our daughters who were in their late teens at the time, and was intentionally mean and oppositional to anything I requested. It hurt like hell then, I was practically spitting nails, but those wounds have healed. So I'm certainly not making any excuses for her, it may be her way of dealing with an uncontrollable situation. She may eventually realize it, but if not you continue to do what you have to for your babies.

[faulhallen in reply to Hidden]

Thank you again. I fully intend to do everything I can do to ensure what is best for them. I stayed as long as I could and then I stayed a little longer so she could finish school. I can protect them better from a distance than I can from the grave even if it feels like those wounds will never heal. I’m not entirely blameless but I won’t lost sight of what is best for my kids.

[Hidden in reply to faulhallen]

Good for you!!! I did the same thing, stayed and stayed, until I was like the picture of that cat hanging from a dry tree branch. My "aha"moment was when I realized what I was teaching my teenage daughters about love, respect, honor, trust! It was my wake up call to make a decision to end things. We are now friends from a healthy distance. Not sure how long you were married but the wounds do heal. I have to be honest though, it does take some time(years). But the day will come when you will accept that you did all you could do and you will forgive yourself, your EX, and move on. By the way I'm happily remarried to an awesome man. Hang in there!!!!

[faulhallen in reply to Hidden]

I’m glad to hear to you have healed! I’m happy for you and your husband and hope you remain happy for year😃

I was married for 10 years. She was so amazing at first but from the instant she had our son on she began pushing me away and acting differently. I tried to be there for her through her depression and stress but then she had our daughter and she changed again. She became completely indifferent to me. If she spoke to me it was because she wanted something. I’ve been some level of unhappy nearly our entire marriage and outright miserable for years.

I know I’ll get better some day. I’m a true romantic and long for when I finally find what I’ve been looking for my entire life buts it’s just so hard some times, especially being stuck here in this house.

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. They mean the world to me 😃

[Hidden in reply to faulhallen]

We have much in common, so my pleasure. I PROMISE it does get easier!