Where to start. So my husband I and I have a best friend couple. We are all super close, our kids all think we’re family. We do everything together and share everything. It’s wonderful. However they are 14 years younger than us. Somehow we all just click. I never really even thought about it before. Anyways. She had a baby this past weekend. Her family doesn’t like me at all for no reason other than they think it’s weird we’re older. She asked me to come see her in the hospital so of course I did. And her family went ballistic. Now that she’s home I feel so weird. I don’t know what my place is. She wants me with her but I don’t want to make things worse with her and her family. I feel… sad. I know I will be the one picking up the pieces like I always have for her. And I’m more than happy to do so. She’s like a sister to me. I’d do anything for her. I just don’t understand why they hate me so much. It’s not like they are super young. They’re well into adult hood lol. So weird. I struggle with all things social. Especially emotionally charged emotional things. She keeps telling me to just don’t worry about them that she wants me there but I know what cost that will come for her and it feels like I’m causing her harm. She needs to rest and have peace. It’s always sorta been this way when her family is around. They play nice to my face but talk trash about me behind my back. Whatever. So do a lot of people. But this time it crossed the line. I don’t know. Thanks for letting me get it out.
maneuvering a weird experience - Anxiety and Depre...
maneuvering a weird experience
I have a kind of similar situation with a good friend its her partner on/off partner that doesn't like me or has an issue with me supporting her or being involved with there kids. Sometimes I feel like fuck him he should appreciate her having a good friend and other times I don't want her to be in an awkward position so I step back. Similar to your friend having a new baby . My friends parent died. And I knew he was doing what he should and didn't want to compromise that situation. It's hard but the friendship you share is probably worth the adversity it faces . I know mine is ...
Don't waste your time trying to figure out why the family doesn't like you .
If your friend is important to you just find a way round it x
I know that my friend knew the cost with her family. She isn’t surprised they acted this way. I am though. I don’t know why. I guess it’s different hearing about it and seeing it first hand. She felt like the risk was worth it. It just get my anxiety in high gear because I can’t control any of it. It’s just such a strange event to me. I’d love for my kids to have a best friend couple that cared about them. I don’t understand being jealous of your children’s friends. Weird. Thanks for replying. I’m going to try and push myself to go see her again tomorrow, just hope her family doesn’t come uninvited again and crash the party.
Your friend sounds strong though. To be ready to go against her family so she can have you in her life. That's pretty amazing and at a time when she's vulnerable. Just given birth .The whole being possessive over your children etc and trying to control them and who they are friends with is a mystery to me. I think the more support network the better?
That’s how I feel. I guess because I’ve always been really independent from my parents maybe I just don’t understand. My husband and I had our first baby at 18, he was in the military so we were always just the two of us here there and everywhere lol. I didn’t have that kind of family support. Maybe I just don’t get it. I just feel heartbroken for her. This should have been a happy moment to share with all the people you I love. Maybe they’re mad we are closer to them then they are? Maybe it’s because they’re closer to our age. I don’t know. I’m questioning everything but trying to be mature about this lol. After all I am 14 years older. That’s like ancient apparently hahaha
This 14 year age gap though? If they were 17 and you guys were in your 30s then maybe it wouldn't be understand but from what your saying your all grown adults so it's a very silly reason to dislike anyone
They are 27. 2 kids, married, their own house and grown ass adults lol. We met them 5 years ago and just clicked. She used to cut my hair and we all just became inseparable. So they were 22 when we all met and just married. I didn’t think it was weird at all coming from a military household… when you find people you click with you hold on tight. But apparently they don’t feel that way. It hits me weird because I remember being so judged for being a young mother and now I feel judged for being an old one lol
It does sound like your down on yourself about it . Please remember it's their issue not yours. Your a friend and her family should be happy she has friends
You are absolutely correct. I’ve let my anxiety take over my though process. I appreciate your grounding words.
Your post made me have a think and I didn't have parents family etc so the family I made with my friends and my partner and now my kids is my life now.Most of my close female friends are actually around 10 years younger than me...that wasn't on purpose its just who I bonded with.
When I had my daughter at 21 I lost my then friends because they didn't have children and were travelling working etc it was natural progression. Then I had my son when I was 35 and bonded with people who had kids the same age but they were alot younger. It just happened. Me and you arnt wierdos who befriended younger girls 🤣
That’s what I needed to hear lol. Because I have felt like I must be some freak. And questioning am I like manipulating these younger people and don’t even know it? I don’t think I do. I think we’re just all a lot alike. I’m sure this will blow over and things will go back to normal.
Literally x the parents if your friend have got thier own issues you have done nothing wrong. And if the age difference is thier only problem with you then shame on them .
Stuff them! Your friendships have nothing to do with them whatsoever. Maybe they think you are a threat to their place in her hearts? So it could be jealously.
Just do your best to avoid them and keep the faith with your friend.
They may have let her down and now feel threatened by your place in her life
It’s definitely jealousy. And I think they want to keep her under their thumb and I threaten that. They don’t realize she already isn’t under their thumb and don’t even know her anymore. She’s grown up now. They seem to have missed it. Thanks for replying. Tomorrow is a new day. Anxiety be damned!
💪💪💪
Thanks y’all. I just needed to tell someone and think about it logically. Usually that would be them lol. I really appreciate y’all taking the time.
That's why we are here x 💪💪
my opinion is they’re insecure that they aren’t as close to their children as you are. If your friends want you to be there then be there for her.
It's very thoughtful of you to be worried about your friend, but I have found that some families are very possessive of their members, especially where there are babies involved.
Recently, families are becoming more worried about child abduction, and other nastinesses, although I'm pretty sure the Press has, as always , overblown the hype.
I think what you should do is make sure your friend and her husband are with you totally about this issue, before tackling the family head on, or you could end up under suspicion.
Cheers, Midori
I appreciate the perspective but this definitely isn’t a case of that. We are all very close. More like family to one another than our actual families. We watch each others kids all the time. We are who each other calls at 3 am when something is wrong and the first people we tell when anything happens. I knew she was having her baby that day before she told her husband lol. So while I understand the sentiment. This is a different situation. This is a family who is never around jumping in for this moment because they want to be around a new baby and they know she’s vulnerable and tired. 2 weeks from now when she really needs help they’ll all be nowhere to be found again. They’re just wanting to control the situation and make it about them.
Ah, I see; Sorry if I got the wrong end of the stick, wasn't intended. If your friend and her husband are strong, they can stand up to the family.
It isn't your fault at all, but the family Jealousy can cause problems.
Cheers, Midori
It's totally crazy. When you think about the age difference of 14 years, that's nothing. Adults are adults and some marriages have that much difference between husband and wife. I can understand how the military has friends of varying ages. In the world of orchestral players, the ages vary immensely (not that we have time to be in each others' pockets) because age is irrelevant where friendship is concerned. Your friends need support - when you are able to get near them. It's best to steer clear of the immature family whenever you can.
We always felt that way too. Honestly I never really even thought about it until they brought it up lol. Who cares. I could see if their daughter was ya know 17, living at home and they didn’t want some bad people influencing them but geez. Even still when I had my first child at 18 we had lots of friends who were much older than us. We welcomed their wisdom on life because they had been there. People are just weird.
Some people are - agreed!
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