To anyone going through a divorce

[InquisitiveMind427]

As you read this please keep in mind I am terribly sleep deprived and have been having more than my share of stressful issues lately. Also this is copied and then adapted from something I sent to a friend so I mention children but even if you don’t have them most of it still applies but here we go...

To anyone going through a divorce....

I just wanted to take a moment and let you know you aren’t alone. That what you’re feeling is normal.

You’re feeling defeated because it’s hard. Life is hard and it’s even harder to do what is best for you, especially when all you can think about is what’s best for your children. You will feel so many things you’ll feel like you can’t take it anymore. You’ll feel defeated, angry, bitter, resentful, depressed, stressed, anxious and a whole lot of other things... but you’ll also feel hope. Hope that things will work out. Hope that you’ll find someone who will treat you right. Hope that you’ll be with someone secure enough for you to have the kind of friends you need to be happy. Hope that things will get better.

You’re stronger than you know. You looked at your life and said things need to change. Hopefully you weren’t where I and many others were where you wanted to kill yourself just to escape but you recognized things need to change and made the move to do so. You’ll second guess every decision you make but ultimately you have to know it’s for the best.

I know I don’t know everything about you and your situation but you have to know on some level you did the right thing. Can you look at your life then compared to now and honestly say that you aren’t at least a little happier? A little more optimistic?

You don’t have what you want but that doesn’t mean you’re a failure or that you’ve been defeated. You will only be those things when you truly give up and I know you never will. Remember that very few people in life have everything they truly want and need and the rest of us are all fighting like hell to find what we’re missing.

There’s a stigma around divorce but it’s important to remember one clear fact that go against everything we’ve ever been taught about divorce.

A divorce doesn’t mean a marriage ended. It means a BAD marriage ended.

If things were good and you were meant to be together you wouldn’t be getting divorced. It’s easy to focus on the pain and the guilt but you can do this.

You’re stronger than you know. You’re doing the right thing. You will continue to do the right thing so long as you stay focused and don’t let life and regret cloud your judgment.

You can do this.

[Southpark]

My situation is different from yours but I am also sleep deprived and not getting any answers. I have high anxiety. Lack of sleep causing anxiety or anxiety causing lack of sleep?. I finally gave in and took Ambien as ordered by my pcp but only slept til 3am. I am going to try Cognitive Behavior therapy which is supposed to help. I can really relate to your deprived sleep and it is a nightmare. My life has completely changed for the worst. Sometimes I wished I could end it all, but I just want the pain to go away and feel happy about one thing. What are you doing for your sleep and anxiety?

[InquisitiveMind427 in reply to Southpark]

My home life is completely messed up right now. There’s too much to go into here but I have been stressed beyond all reason for the last two weeks and basically have been living with two women I can’t stand for years. One is my soon to be ex-wife so for her it’s been more gradual but I have never hated anyone in my life as much as I despise her mother. Recently her mother stopped taking her medication and has become even more unbearable than usual. All she does is yell, pick fights, insult and threaten us with refusing to watch the kids or kick us out faster then we planned to move anyway. She acts like all we’ve done is leech off of her for years but I have done countless hours of chores, yard work, errands and things for her all while paying half of the bills for years. We came here for help with child care for my son and she’s using that against us. Even my ex hates her now.

I haven’t been practicing self care lately because I can’t. I don’t have time and even if I did I’d be too tired. I start a new job Monday and will have more free time than I’ve had in ten years, most of which I plan to use getting ready to move out faster than planned or staying the hell away from this place, and maybe going to a local support group or two since I won’t be working second shift anymore.

I’m hoping with my new job I can get back to exercising and taking care of myself better. I’ve tried Ambien in the past but haven’t regularly slept 8 hours a night since before I had kids so I never felt comfortable taking it.

I hope the cognitive behavioral therapy works for you! If I can afford it when I move out I planned to look into starting therapy again.

[Southpark in reply to InquisitiveMind427]

How did you do on Ambien? I took it last night first time but woke up at 3am! Have felt groggy all day and now feeling sick. Don’t want to take it tonight

But I may not sleep! Did it ever help you? Or have you found something else that helps? No one understands how bad sleep deprivation is. Don’t know if I can do the therapy being this sleep deprived. Have to ask my counselor.

[InquisitiveMind427 in reply to Southpark]

I would hope that the therapy would help you work through some of your problems making it easier to sleep and get more rest when you do so.

I have mixed feelings about ambien. It really helped me fall asleep and generally stay asleep. I’d take it about 30-45 minutes before I wanted to go to sleep and I’d fall asleep much easier than normal. I felt like it made it harder to get up in he morning and I was usually groggy longer than usual afterwards to.

I know it works well for a lot of people and it may be something you just need to get used to over time and the grogginess will ease up but I never took it regularly enough.

[Southpark in reply to InquisitiveMind427]

Just read where you have generalized anxiety disorder. This is my diagnosis too. This is a horrible thing because it is hard to function between that and sleep deprivation. Praying we both find an answer.

[InquisitiveMind427 in reply to Southpark]

Thank you! I hope we both find it soon and that we both start getting some sleep soon too 🙂

[Hidden]

I read this to Amanda! I am so glad you’re back on the forum! You deserve to be here. Your words matter. I am so proud of you for being the person that you are! You are worthy of a beautiful life! I am always here for you, my sweet friend! Love you! 💕

[InquisitiveMind427 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Kayla, I hope they helped her! 🙂. You know my life is crazy right now but I’m here for you if you ever need me! I’ll catch up on your posts soon I promise. Love you to!

[Hidden in reply to InquisitiveMind427]

I’ve deleted most of them! I am starting over too! I’m always here for you too!!! 😘❤️

[Hidden in reply to InquisitiveMind427]

Oh, & Amanda said thank you for writing that! She said that was awesome! I’m glad you’re back. Your words are very much needed here.