Spiraling big time. Going through a divorce.

[JessieB1107]

***May Trigger

Couldn’t control my anger and reaction to something and things blew up. Now my husband wants to leave me and I’m so heartbroken and devastated. He tells me how toxic I’ve been in his life and that I act like my abuser from my complex PTSD. That I don’t deserve anyone and he hates me. He tells me he doesn’t like coming home to me. His addiction to video games had caused a rift and we were supposed to be mending our relationship, but every time we fight he threatens to play his game, something that devastated us a year ago. He’s playing again and tells me we aren’t together. I’m spiraling out of control and I don’t know what to do. I’m hurt, scared and want my husband back and our marriage but I think he’s finally decided he wants out. I’ve just been crying every minute and I just don’t want to be around. We’re sleeping in separate rooms and I’m so hurt by it. I screamed and yelled at him at a topic we fought about and it escalated from there. I couldn’t reign in my emotions and he said he had enough. We were to do couples counseling but he doesn’t go because he wants to see changes in me. He blames me for everything. He cheated on me with a girl who he played video games with online and I think he’s hinting he has women that want him and be glad to replace me with if I don’t appreciate him. He knows what the video games will do to me. And I don’t understand that if I’ve said and done hurtful things or that upset him, why he has to be spiteful and hurt me back 100x more.

I’m just dying every little bit and I can’t take it anymore. He told me he hates me and that our whole 9yrs of marriage is nothing now. He is set on divorce and getting rid of me. He wants his own life, and he doesn’t care anymore. I don’t know how to go on anymore.

[blackcat64013]

Hi Jessie,

We are glad that you have shared with us in the forum.

Regardless of what the other half says or does, you have to look after yourself (mental health) first.

If you have booked the couples counseling that he is reluctant to attend, go on your own. Any talking will be around the specific difficulty you have mentioned.

You could even take a copy of the blog you posted as the conversation starter/reminder.

[JessieB1107 in reply to blackcat64013]

We’ve been through a rough time last year. I was so broken. I laid in bed for days just feeling nothing. Therapy got me alive and going barely, but I was never whole, I was never healed completely. We reconciled and he promised to go to therapy but he weaponized it, refusing to go to spite me at our arguments. He’s stoped going after 2sessions. So I was left to go and work on our marriage on my own. I’ve gotten frustrated and angry that he was doing this. But he justified it as he quit his games and thought that was enough. That I hadn’t done anything for the relationship. Going through this, my fear is to be that broken again like I was. Left to pick up pieces again on my own. I had no family or friends to help me. It was all on me. It was so hard and painful. I don’t know if I could be strong enough this time around.

[blackcat64013 in reply to JessieB1107]

Hi Jessie,

At this time you have the support of the forum team members.

If you feel that you are not getting the changes required to keep the relationship healthy then perhaps you need to consider walking away. Don't wait for the straw that breaks the camel's back

[Doug1847]

Honestly it sounds like you could do better without him and finding someone who will be a good partner for you.

[JessieB1107 in reply to Doug1847]

I don’t know. I don’t know what’s better for me and what’s not anymore.

[horizonwatch]

You are so depressed and traumatized because you are being emotionally abused! Your husband is manipulating you with threats of leaving, threats of cheating with other women, threats of playing video games -- he's using them because they work on you! That is not love, that is not a healthy relationship, you're just being used and traumatized. But all of his manipulations lose all of their power if you see through everything that he is doing. If you were to say, "go right ahead -- go off with another woman and have a wonderful life playing video games together to eternity. I'm leaving, I'm filing for divorce and will be moving on with my life and am working on improving myself and getting counseling to ensure that my next relationship will be with someone who values me and will not constantly threaten me with abandonment and cheating to control me." I know it's not that easy to just immediately be able to say that, but the biggest step is recognized you are being abused. That kind of treatment from your husband is highly toxic. Let him go run off with some other gamer -- maybe buy him a bag of Funyans and Cheetos that he and his new gamer love can stuff their faces with while they sit on a couch playing video games all day. Work on yourself and learn about narcissistic abuse (lots of videos online to get started with in learning about it), get a life coach to help you plan goals for your life, and perhaps a mental health counselor. Do the things you enjoy doing, things that are fun for you to do -- instead of letting this "husband" (I put husband in quotes because he does not behave as a loving husband just) suck the life out of you. Instead of letting this man waste your life and your gifts and abilities by having you constantly in torment, sadness and crying -- you can see through his garbage, wish him well and move on to real happiness with a man who will treat you with love and be a REAL partner for you.