why do i keep lying to people around me?

[bingoluvr15]

whenever people ask me how im doing or how is school, i tell them that i have straight A's even though i have b's and c's. when they ask if im stressed, i tell them no. when they ask if i have homework (which i do) i say no. i dont know how to stop. i just dont want to disappoint them.

[Hidden]

Disappointment is a part of life. You cannot please everyone. Lying to others so they will hear what they want to hear isn’t realistic! You don’t want to lie your way through life! What’s wrong with admitting you have homework? You should want your true feelings and actions to be honest. Lying is a bad habit that, I think, you should make every attempt to break now. It will only get you into trouble and leave you stammering for words when confronted with the truth. The way you break the cycle is to quite simply, tell the truth and see that the sky didn’t fall and feel the freedom of telling the truth. You know what they say...”the truth shall set you free.” It’s true!!

[bingoluvr15 in reply to Hidden]

thank you, that actually helps!!

[Hidden in reply to bingoluvr15]

I’m so glad! 🌞

[Calm_mama]

Yes GratitudeFirst nailed it. Just start telling the truth! You'll get in the habit of doing that and you'll never go back. Be very, very brave. When you tell the truth- If there's disappointment, so be it. If there's shock, sadness, anger, whatever- so be it. If it makes you anxious as heck to tell the truth (and it will) - so be it. In the long run, the results are deep, true self-respect and believe it or not, LESS anxiety, I can assure you of this.

[bingoluvr15 in reply to Calm_mama]

thank you again calm_mama, its just that when im faced with situations where i did something my parents wouldnt agree with, im scared they will hurt me in some way which then leads me to tell them what they want to hear

[Calm_mama in reply to bingoluvr15]

Ah, yes. How would they hurt you?

[bingoluvr15 in reply to Calm_mama]

as a kid they would break sticks on my back or hit me. it doesnt happen that often anymore but i fear they might actually hurt me

[Calm_mama in reply to bingoluvr15]

Oh I'm so sorry. That complicates things, doesn't it. You are discussing all of this with your therapist, yes?

[bingoluvr15 in reply to Calm_mama]

no, i really love my parents and i know they mean well. i just dont want them to go away

[Calm_mama in reply to bingoluvr15]

Yes, what a complicated situation. It sounds like you're sort of in survival mode when lying. I can relate and empathize.

Perhaps there is a way to maintain a peaceful relationship with your folks yet still be truthful. I love Cassie2178's book recommendation. I have not read the book but I read a different book on setting boundaries and limits with people and it was fantastic (Wolf in Sheep's clothing: Understanding and dealing with Manipulative people by George K Simon). While the focus of this book is the covertly aggressive personality, there is a lot in this book that is simply about maintaining boundaries. Also, DBT (which I mentioned in another post to you) focuses a lot on healthy boundaries. I'm wishing you all the best bingoluvr. Please do keep us posted.

[gogogirl in reply to bingoluvr15]

That is abuse! That should be reported- please let the school counselors and/or your teachers know about this.

[Cassie2178]

That nagging voice inside that hates the lies is asking you to stop and care for yourself. I found a book that helped me so much. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud changed my life. Hope it helps you too.

[bingoluvr15 in reply to Cassie2178]

thank you so much, i'll look into it!

[gogogirl]

Why not just say "Fine" or something like that- you do not have to give details. If you get report cards or progress reports your family will know the truth anyway, so just spill the beans. You will feel better, and be genuine.