How do i tell if its my brain playing tricks or im supposed to feel this way?

[Kevin160]

helloo lovely poeple, im not feeling great today, its not anxiety, its not depression, i think im just sad, you know im realizing more things about my life, my friends, my family..every singlr day

I met someone recently, and we clicked, crazy how meeting someone for less than a week can be as impactful as people u have known for years, she gave me a feeling no one did in so so long, i honestly felt like we were made for each other, and not necessarily as partners, just as friends even, i never clicked with someone like that and felt that joy of knowing both of us are just so into one another, i felt that the universe was laughing at me because she was here on a 2 month vacation and i met her on her last 5 days. It hurt, and i didnt really think i would feel that for someone.

I think it also hurt because For the people already in my life, sometimes i feel i dont have anyone in my corner, dont get me wrong, im not saying im alone and no one loves me, no this isnt some kind of attention seeking behavior, i know my family and friends would do alot from me, but is it selfish for me to expect more, i mean my family dont seem to really care sometimes unless they want something, like give them money, solve their problems, keep their secrets from my father, and there isnt really that strong of a relationship as it used to.

Its so draining to me, my friends are great but sometimes i feel they want to hurt me or take advantage of me, i dont have anyone who i can really ask for support or a place to stay if it gets bad, i dont need that but i mean thats what friends are for i guess.

I guess my question is, how do i tell if thats my brain using my insecurities to cause me anxiety and depression, or this is something that im right about and what im feeling is valid which is that i cant rely on anyone in my life, theyre fun and they care but they all have motives and needs for me to potentially fullfill and without those they really wont stick around.

I cant find anyone to socialize with and i know once im back to uni in person not online this can get better, but i feel like starting iver again is hard, meeting new people, i have trust issues and honestly i dont feel anyone is capable of trust anymore, and no one is capable of loyalty, how do i move on with my life when i think the world is so scary and messed up, im not really anxious at all right now, but i really think im being realistic with sayin that for me to find a bond like i had with my best friends and family is rare ,

i dont know if i will ever let my guard down for new people, im just a really messed up person and i dont want to get comfortable because one always leaves whether thats me or the other person.

[Agora1]

Dear Kevin, your post brought out every emotion we all go through sometimein our lives. It's a time where people appear that we didn't expect. They brought

joy to our hearts and lifted our spirits. And then they are gone. Whether it's for

a day, a year or a lifetime, there was a reason behind that.

It doesn't mean they left because they wanted to but because they accomplished

what they came for. To bring you happiness and joy. Look back on that time you

spent together no matter how short as something you needed at that time.

Keep those memories close to heart but don't allow it to discredit future people

who you may meet along the way.

Life is an interesting journey that seems to know what we need at the right time.

We never know what may be around the next corner. Keep your options open xx

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

I guess i have my answer now, im happy regardless, whether i experienced something i have been craving for a while for a day, or a year, it was still something i needed, although we always hear how bad it feels for something like this to happen, no one prepares you, but i guess the silver lining is that it opened my eyes towards other things, and made me want to get out of my comfort zone.

Thank you, i missed your great share of wisdom, how are you doing, hoping all is good.

[Agora1 in reply to Kevin160]

Hi Kevin,Everything is going well with myself but have been

helping my daughter through some health issues.

Take care my friend. xx

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

Oh no, i wish her and your family all the best. Take care

[newbie1956]

Hi Kevin,

I think you've stumbled onto the reality of life these days.

It wasn't always like this, & wasn't meant to be. But stress

has taken a toll on people. It's not your imagination.

People in general are ofen selfish & greedy. Material things

seems to be a priority.

But your recent experience with a new friend & the feeling

you had shows what's still possible. Loving relationships are

a source of happiness... really is a gift from GOD.

In due time you'll be able to cultivate such relationships.

You'll begin to trust because u learn the joy it brings to you.

You're a sensitive guy, yes. And because you think so deeply

i believe u can trust your God-given instincts about people.

Draw close to those who make you feel special. You are.

Hugs (grandma)

💕

[Kevin160 in reply to newbie1956]

This is truly something i needed to hear , that there will still be good people in the world, even if its more rare its still possible to find a person like thatYou definitely displayed that as well to me for so long. Im grateful.

Love ❤️

[newbie1956]

👍

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Kevin160,

Your third paragraph describes my life, too. I don’t think it is selfish at all to want a rich, fulfilling relationship with friends and family. Everyone wants that. It sounds healthy that you want it, that you see it, and that you miss it.

Sad, is ok. It is all ok. A friend of mine always says to sit with my emotions and let them happen. When you get back to uni, think about the emotions and what you want and find things that fill the gap.

[Kevin160 in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Yeah i think that advice is what i need to do, accept it, sit woth the feeling and work through them, i will try my best to find ways to distract myself, and meet new people as difficult as it may be

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Kevin160]

Kevin, I know that different people have different priorities when at Uni. The key to success is balance. Clubs in your major. Service projects. Working on campus or in the neighborhood. Plan your week with academics and social emotional needs. When things get out of balance, sit with the emotions and rebalance for the next week. I have a friend who “goes dark” and completely shuts off social media. That is when I know he is rebalancing.

[Kevin160 in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

I agree that i need to rebalance when im juggling alot, i also have a part time job, family affairs are a full time job if you knew my screwed up family life. But at the end of the day im grateful for everything, but i cant deny that im having difficulty recharging sometimes, and my negative thoughts sometimes get the best of me.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Kevin160]

Keep fighting, my friend. We all have some story of the dysfunctional family, but if you don’t take care of you, you are no good to them, your goals, your studies, etc.

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Kevin160, How are you doing, now?

[Kevin160 in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Hey my friend, im doing well thank you for asking, i still get a bit anxious and depressed especially during the night where my mind seems to start wandering and i find myself becoming really scared and overwhelmed, i think im going to start therapy again.