Miserable to be around?

[JaggedEdge]

I was told I'm miserable to be around. I can't relax and just be happy. I'm always in some state of distress or sadness. I dont want to be this way. Has anyone else had people tell you that? Has anyone been able to overcome being abused and are now a happy person? Is this possible? And if you are with someone who is very easily offended how can you tell them that your misery is partly their fault because they take what yoy say and twist it into things you never meant? And that also adds to paranoia, overthinking and hypervigilance none of which is good.

[Dina22]

Hi JE: I'm sorry to hear these things. No one has told me that but I feel miserable myself most of the time. I, too, was abused. Every day my entire life growing up at home. It was verbal and emotional abuse and manipulation. I know physical abuse and sexual abuse are horrific too. What I can say is, with verbal and emotional abuse, people don't see that. They may wonder why you are so quiet, but then a lot of people are quiet who were never abused. Also, in my case, discipline was meted out according to the mood of my parents and not so much according to what I did or didn't do. I shouldn't say "parents" because it was my mother - but, to keep her off his back, my Dad just ignored most everything. Anyway, I am now away from my abuser and the hideous thing is, it is so ingrained in me that for many years, I felt most comfortable with people who were like my abuser. Does that sound familiar to you? Are you with someone who is like your abuser? We know we don't like it but it's what we've learned and in order to survive, we convinced ourselves we deserve that abuse. Now that we DON'T have to merely survive, we know no other way of relating. I would see if I could talk to a counselor and I would seriously think about getting away from your current abuser, maybe live alone while you sort things out. You know the Eagles song that goes "we live our lives in chains and never even know we hold the key." That is the sadness about abuse. We keep setting ourselves up for it and we don't like it and we hold the key ourselves. So see if you can talk to someone. Try to spend time doing things, or some thing, that you like, that you enjoy, that makes you feel good. Maybe you like making pizza or working on cars. Try to keep a few outlets in your life besides your abusive relationship so you have things and people to fall back on when things start to get to you. Good luck.

[JaggedEdge in reply to Dina22]

Thank you

[Sprinkle1]

Awful things to grow up with, went thru some myself from my father. One thing I finally got into at age 40 was therapy, that changed my life, first one on one, then the therapist asked me to go into group. I also read a great book a friend lent to me that was a Big help, Dr. Scott Peck "The road less traveled", I learnt a lot about myself thru that book, Amazon has it used/new it is a worthwhile investment. When I read it, it was in the top 10 best seller list for 7 years...... Do not give up, read helpful books, consider going to therapy, I think we all could use some.......I send you strength, love n hugs, write to us we give love and support.......

[JaggedEdge in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thank you

[Hidden]

This is a very touchy and complex topic.

All I can say is I’m here.

I would get away from the abuser

I would watch something funny.

Walking on egg shells sucks

Yes, you can heal from the pain and you deserve to be happy.

Sometimes, people say shitty things because they feel shitty inside.