Feeling Anxious and Depressed

[topaz1968]

Usually I am on this board to support my son, who suffers from anxiety. However, I also do have anxiety that is usually in check until yesterday. My son is leaving for college in a week. He is my only child. Yesterday, he failed his driving exam for the 2nd time over something minor but I think his nerves got the better of him and he had a total melt down. My heart is breaking right now because his permit expires in September and he is leaving for college and has to wait 2 weeks to retake the test. I was so hoping this would be checked off our list before he leaves. I know this seems minor in comparison to other things, but he just feels like he is stupid, etc. He is only going to be an hour away, but he will be on his own for the first time. With his anxiety, I am getting super anxious that he will be OK. He does have support at the school and he is on meds, but this last let down, was so much for both of us. I am not sure how I will get him to a driving test while he is away at school and that is only part of my issue. My heart is going to break when he is away, since my husband is never really home and never there for me anyway. I am basically going to be on my own. I don't have a lot of friends that I can hang out with, since they all have families of their own that they are always with. My best friend lives far away and I just wish she was here. I talk to her every day, but again, I am sure I will be extremely lonely once my son is at school. I am happy for him and I know it will be an exciting time, but I will always worry if he is happy and not flailing. Anyway, I just kind of wanted to share my anxiety right now and that I am feeling a little depressed. I go back to work when he leaves, so I am hoping that helps keep my preoccupied.

[Hidden]

I'm sorry. Every parent goes through this. It doesn't make it any easier. My son graduated and went straight to the marines at 18. It was horrible. I think dad cried for a whole year. We have only seen him three times since and now he is 21. We just have to adapt and trust them. Take the opportunity to find yourself and get some rest. 😊

[CatIsMyCopilot]

I don't have kids, but I know the feeling of being anxious going into something new. It's good you're recognizing your anxious feelings and where they're coming from. As much as you can, try not to buy into the feeling of fear, making you nervous about smaller things like the driving test. I say that, but it's so hard for me too. When I'm in this state, I try to just accept that I'm anxious and make progress on tasks in front of me. As you say, I think working could be a big help to you, to keep you busy.

I wish your son good luck on his next test! It sounds like he'll pass next time!

[blacchyna]

I have anxiety and I'm in uni but my mother worries about me all time she calls me like 2-3 times a day. However, unfortunately one day you won't be there and he will have to be OKAY without you...Let him learn how.I'm sorry you feel like you're going to be alone but it will get better.Try to pray about things it helps sometimes.GOOD LUCK

[LadyO4]

I'm so glad you took the liberty to reach out for yourself, I think getting your thoughts and feelings out in the open in a safe environment can do wonders. It's part of the process of learning to cope with things that feel so out of our control.

But give yourself some credit here - you are a loving and caring mom who feels the burdens of your child. He knows you are going through this experience with him and want to support him in the best way you know how. He needs to know there is one person in the universe who cares as deeply as you.

I watched how my one daughter failed the driving exam too - it was more of a severe disappointment in herself and an embarrassment in front of her peers that brought her down so low. Failure, or rather feeling like we are a failure, is hard to rebound from. It requires tenacity and perseverance.

Underneath all this pressures you both feel is an opportunity to become stronger and overcome adversity. It's never easy but it has a place in our growth. I bet all humans would love to eliminate any kind of hardship, but sometimes they define our true character.

I'm sorry about your anxiety - it runs in my family too. There seems to be a "built-in" switch that gets triggered without a moment's notice and there we are - caught inside its trap. But there are ways to harness those "runaway" feelings and help ourselves.

I would love to talk more about this - I hope you feel free to write back.

[onthetrail]

Another parent of an only child here. Watching ours go off to college was traumatic for us. He was so well prepared, and yet still had to face and solve enormous challenges on his own. I think they all do. It helps them to know you love and care about them. But the real solutions come from them, not us. This is now an opportunity for you to take care of yourself and find your own purpose in life in addition to parenting. It's a natural process, though it can be painful at times. You aren't alone. Many of us have been through it. Take care.