Severely Depressed and Angry!!!

[Cat_cat44]

This is a pure anger post I gotta get it out!! I hate that I’ve been severely depressed since this new year started!! It so bad that I can’t even work nor do I have the confidence to really get a job!! I hate that me & my daughter have to live with my ex husband who I’ve been separated from (physically for almost 3 years) and in a seperate room because I can’t find or keep a job that I want to hold on to for more than a few weeks!! So I’m stucj here, the only other option is a shelter and I don’t want me& my daughter to live their, the ones in my city are filthy with people I don’t want my daughter around. Then you hear lately things that’s been happening with children there, becoming missing, etc., don’t want that to happen. I don’t have no where else to live. My mom passed away in 2002 and my Dad lives in Texas and we don’t have the closest relationship like me and my Mom had plus his wife has some mental issues that is not controlled so again that’s not a great place for my daughter either. I have a sister that hasent spoke to me in over a year over something stupid that she is holding on to, I have a brother but we don’t have the closest relationship either plus I don’t like his wife and how she treats me. So I’m stuck!! I hate that it’s been a year and I’m not back with my ex boyfriend!! He was the love of my life!! We had a fwb situation going on but I decided I want and deserve more than that so since this new year I haven’t texted him and he haven’t text me neither. I had bought this ebook and joined a group that was supposed to help me get him back but it was too much work as a depressed person. U had to feel good about yourself first plus it didn’t work on my ex. My Pastor called and prayed for me last night but it still ain’t work!! I really hate my life right now!!

[vanessi]

My year is really bad too. My mood changes so bad, either i am sad or angry. Sometimes i wanna talk to no one. I don't know how to change my life

[Lostjoy]

Sorry you are in a tough place. This whole last year has been pretty tough for me. I know how the anxiety and depression can mess with your ability to find and keep a job. I would love to have a regular job with benefits. Are you able to get any counseling?

[Cat_cat44 in reply to Lostjoy]

Thanks. Yea 2017 wasn’t the best for me but this year has already started worst than I could’ve imagined. I don’t have a new therapist yet but I’ve been seeing a social worker once a week now.

[Carib_flower]

Well I'm sure you've heard this before but you have to keep trying for the sake of your daughter. I know it can be extremely difficult with the depression but you need to get help so you can land a good job and give your daughter the life she deserves. Use that precious child of yours as a life line and when you feel like you can't go on think of all the things you want to give to her and keep moving forward. Take baby steps at first but please keep trying.

[Cat_cat44 in reply to Carib_flower]

Thanks for saying that. I’m not sure what more help I can get. Ive been on so many different types of meds, I see a social worker until I can get a new therapist, u name it, I tried it. I still apply to jobs although I feel this way and it’s extremely difficult. I just feel super stuck. I have gone back 2 school. I take 2 online classes right now, because I do wantda better life for her and me. But it’s extremely hard living and making progress when u constantly have to literally push yourself through the depressive feelings.

[Carib_flower in reply to Cat_cat44]

Trust me I understand pushing yourself through the depression. I do it all the time. Maybe you can try to "fake it till you make it" and focusing only on positives. That's what I've been doing for years. Its tiring, it makes you recoil from everyone, and you will feel as though your life is a lie and you have no really connections. But at least you'll be able to be productive, even if you gotta force it. Hopefully your meds will start working and your faking will pay off and become genuine. Although this is terrible advise... But I guess its worth a shot.

[Cat_cat44 in reply to Carib_flower]

Thanks and no, not terrible advice at all. You’re right. I need to focus on positive because negative hasent gotten me anywhere neither but physically and mentally sick. I may not be able to fake how I feel but I can stop obsessing over the negatives because it is seriously draining me.

[monicrt80 in reply to Cat_cat44]

I also have tons of experience with the fake it til you make it routine (20 years). By that I mean no emotions, forcing myself to become a completely different person to try and build a real career so I could provide a good life for my children. Unfortunately that robot living also drove me bit crazy (crazier) and now I'm also unemployed and unable to work. I feel like I don't even know myself anymore, also recently diagnosed as Bipolar 1. Currently stuck in the worst depressive episode I've ever experienced but I am trying my hardest to stay committed to the medication combo, seeing my counselor, psychiatrist and group meetings. I do think you'll also be okay eventually and want you to know that it is completely normal to be angry. To me this means you're on the right track and can actually feel something, even if it's not exactly positive, it's progress! For now, just keep working on yourself and that will help you be the person you want to be.

[Cat_cat44 in reply to monicrt80]

Thanks for that, as I’m going through the worst depressive episode too and no one understands but someone who is in it or been through it. I also believe I have ptsd from a dysfunctional childhood I had.

[monicrt80 in reply to Cat_cat44]

I completely understand what you're feeling and going through. I have issues with self care and speaking with anyone that is not part of my immediate family or mental health team. Luckily I found this community recently and have been able to tell my story and have so much positive support from everyone. I hope this is also your experience, feel free to message me anytime you need anything.

[rrichardson]

I have been there girl as in depressed. I have felt trapped as well. I know the darkness and trust me it does get better.

[Hidden]

Hi,

I am new to this site and I just came across your post. It's been 8 months since you have posted your note.

I hope and pray that things turned around for you and your daughter. I can see between the lines your strong love and commitment to your daughter and how you are looking out for her safety. You are a good person and a loving mother.

I would love to know how you and your daughter are doing. How is your job prospects are going.

Have you checked with so social services in your area? Some can be of assistance with housing, food, medical.

This serious of events can be challenging but please keep in mind that this is temporary and something amazing will happen.

[Kingston2018]

I am so sad to read your post. Being stuck in a situation that is unhealthy and terrible. However, you do have what you and your daughter need to survive, right? Please try to focus your anger into something positive. Like take up walking/running. Then, hopefully that'll give you a window to have a calm mindset to focus on a job. I am not too sure it will be the dream job you want, but maybe just something you can deal with to save money and network yourself into a better place. Virtual hug to you.