Help

[Anp68]

Hey I just started back on meds for my depression, been struggling for years but the last year has been really bad. Isolating myself, serious anxiety and low self esteem. My husband has now told me that he needs us to go to counseling due to the "issues" in our marriage. These issues all seem related to my illness. He's unhappy with me being so unhappy... I rely heavily on him to boister me and he's the only person I talk to about it. I have noticed he's seems more annoyed lately by my need for constant support. I've only been back on meds 2 months... So I feel a little blindsided by this news. I feel like going on the meds is me trying. I've always felt secure I our marriage but this has me devastated... and needing constant reassurance from him, which is what he's tired of, basically. So I'm here struggling to decide if I need to stop asking him for help with this... Then what? I feel Insecure and lonely and afraid.

[Hidden]

He still supports you...that's why he's looking for help...he sees a need he doesn't feel he can fill by himself and wants to keep you 2 together.

Couples counselling may lead to individual counselling for your emotional issues....which can only help.

[Anp68 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for saying that, it was a super insightful thing that I missed. Anxiety and depression makes me see only negatives sometimes. I need reminding of that every now and again. Thank you.

[Hidden]

I totally agree with souptype! and can't say it any better. It points out truth - "He still supports you" and encourages you towards the counseling.

[Anp68 in reply to Hidden]

I am just not used to this new reality that I'm feeling like a burden... And this massive pressure that I need to make major changes...or he's leaving me. He complains that I go to worst case scenario all the time. I know my depression and anxiety makes me go to these dark places... But I don't know how to deal. I maybe need more medication or something...

[Hidden in reply to Anp68]

I'm glad that you realize some of these thoughts are symptoms of your depression, especially going to the worst case scenario and of course you don't know how to deal, you're depressed. Little steps matter here. Your thought of him leaving you is probably more distorted thinking due to your depression. It may not be truth at all! Behavioral Cognitive Therapy (BCT) helped me learn a lot about how depression messes up my thinking. BCT is talk therapy that would probably be you and a counselor helping you learn how your thoughts get distorted and how to get closer back to the truth. Google it. It might be worth talking to whoever the two of you see for counseling. Talk to your psychiatrist or doctor about your current symptoms. Two months is long enough to see the affects of the antidepressants. It could very well be that you need a higher dose or a different medication.

I'm glad you were right here to respond. This may be an incredible turning point in your marriage. It is totally possible!

[Anp68 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for taking the time to calm me down, I appreciate the support more than you can ever know. I do realize these symptoms come from my illness... I will look into BCT. Maybe I need to get started on my own. Of course we made an appointment for a month from now. Getting into someone for mental health care is ridiculous. My waiting game isn't the strongest..so until then I need something to do.

[Hidden in reply to Anp68]

I just realized when I reread my post that I put the words in the wrong order, it is CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Oops. To start on your own, you could work on reading the book, "Feeling Good" by David Burns.