I ruined my family’s christmas

[Jvane18]

I cried at a mean comment, the person got upset and started screaming at the rest of the family, proceeded to break a bunch of our stuff and tell me that they will kill me before they stormed off.

If I wouldve just been able to hold it together and let the mean comment of many throughout the night brush off none of this would’ve happened.

I’m kinda scared, but mostly sad I ruined christmas for everyone and so much old stuff of sentimental value got broken by them..

I don’t know why I’m writing this sorry. I told a friend when it happened that something bad happened and if we could talk but he said he is tired and maybe today but he still hasnt called or texted me to check in. My mom is more concerned with the person who threatened me that they kill themselves and worst if they do it’s also my fault because I triggered this situation.

I hope everyone had a better christmas than this..

[Hidden]

Jvane

Merry Christmas, I will mention this even when you have had such a rotten day. My Christmases and New Years in my teens and twenties was always problematic, generally caused by my teenage sisters, Mother and a little by my Father, eventually I always made sure I was out dancing or going out with some girl or other. This lasted until 1976 when I had a severe car accident, then found my future Life

You have not explained what actually happened although it seems your Mother had no sympathy for all the upset that was instigated. Personally I would get out of any arguements by going out on Boxing Day, Evening or New Year same, go somewhere were you can meet similar people.

I used to spend three nights a week dancing, Saturday Pop, Disco Sunday 50/50 and Tuesday Ballroom, Old Tyme and Latin. I never arrived home until sometimes three in the morning, what with Night Classes and College I was never home. It helped make me very independent and helped me move on in later life. In fact later I would take dancing in the Youth Club so that was less time I was seen.

Look for those diversions that you enjoy, remember we are all different as long as we do nothing unlawful

BOB

[Jvane18 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you bob! I will really keep this in mind for the next event! I am sorry you also had to go through a problematic young adulthood but I am very glad you found a good escape 💙

[hypercat54]

You didn't trigger any situation, this person did. It's not your fault they said this to you or who decided to become violent. It's their fault entirely. You didn't ruin Christmas at all. They did.

Your mum is quite rightly mostly concerned at the threats against you, and it might be a good idea to ask her to call the police for this and the breaking of the objects. This is against the law and they could be done for it.

My advice is to chill out, take comfort from your nice family and stop feeling to blame or guilty please. Have a good rest of the holidays.

[Jvane18 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you. I will try to follow your advice!

[hypercat54 in reply to Jvane18]

It will help you in future if you are prone to taking the blame for things which are nothing to do with you to wait until you are feeling a bit calmer, then think it through carefully.

Look at what was said, what triggered it and then work out what to do. If you think it was your fault then make a vow to say sorry. If not then turn your anger on them not yourself. If it's something and nothing then decide to ignore it and move on. This helped me an awful lot because I used to do a lot of this too.

Once you have thought it through and decided on an action it is much easier to move on and it will go from your mind a lot sooner.

[hypercat54 in reply to Jvane18]

Oh and think carefully whether you have the power to make or break someone's day. Something might look large in your life but to others it can seem very trivial. The chances are you won't ruin someone's day at all.

[Kayakin]

I agree with hypercat54. You did not cause this person to become violent! You are not responsible for their actions. So sorry you all had to endure this. Javane18, you deserve the best for being a caring person.

[Jvane18 in reply to Kayakin]

Thank you, you too 💙

[Mrspjsmom]

So sorry that happened. It's not your fault. Words hurt and emotions are neutral. Sadly the holiday brings out the worst in many people. HUGS ❤

[Jvane18 in reply to Mrspjsmom]

True nd thank you 🥺💙

[Midori]

None of that is your fault. You didn't make the comment which made you cry, You didn't get mad and break things. You did not storm out and issue threats to kill. You have NOT ruined Christmas. You did not trigger the situation.

Your mother should be more concerned with Your welfare than that of the other person.It was extremely bad manners of them to act that way, I don't know if it was a sibling of yours, or a visitor, but he or she needs to learn to keep their temper.

Christmases always being out the worst in some folk and leave everyone miserable.

I hope it settles down fairly quickly, and you can enjoy what is left. of the holiday.

Cheers, Midori

[Jvane18 in reply to Midori]

Thank you 💙 my expectation was that at christmas it’s one of the few occasions people would swallow there anger or whatever is going on to make it the most comfortable for all but I guess I was wrong 😄 I hope you had great holidays though and a good start in the new year!

[Midori in reply to Jvane18]

I keep a very quiet house over the holidays. it's just my son (carer) and myself.

[Hidden]

Dear Jvane, It sounds like the person who broke things and made a scene was looking for a fight. If you hadn't cried, which is a perfectly normal response when someone says something mean, it would have been something else. Maybe you looked at him/her wrong or maybe, "You didn't say anything, but I can tell what you're thinking." I have a daughter who has Bordeline Personality Disorder and sometimes a scene is just inevitable. Even if you walk on eggshells and are the nicest, most tolerant person in the world she forces a huge scene and can make everyone else feel like it was their fault for triggering her. And the fear of this person attempting suicide sounds very familiar. It's awful to be on the receiving end of this. Your family member may not be consciously manipulating the rest of the family, but that's the effect it's having. My wife and I try to remember that we'd rather deal with her than be her. Though neither is easy. Sending sympathy. Don't reach out to this person. You'll just get more rage & guilt tripping. You can't fix this. Just let some time pass and take care of yourself--listen to music, play with a dog, cat or baby; get out of the house a bit; read or watch something funny. ❤️

[Jvane18 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for this insight. In hindsight I agree that I also think he was looking for a fight and if it wouldnt have been me it would’ve been someone else triggering it.

It’s just a shame because he’s in his late 40s but doesnt get help and we are too scared to say anything because otherwise things like this happens although he never threatened to kill anybody before. But I think he is dangerous to himself and to others and the pandemic and all the conspiracies and divide in our country made it A LOT worse. I suppose it’s a bit different to a parent daughter situation and hopefully he can get help or at least stay away from me, but I am so happy for your reflection and “wed rather deal with her than be her” I find very powerful and totally true what you are saying!

[Blueruth]

You aren’t responsible for this man’s behavior. There are many times when someone got upset and cried because someone else said something mean at Christmas. They don’t go on a rampage! Sure, maybe you could have led it slide off but maybe you are human too! Still isn’t your fault. Did you cry before or after he made the mean comment? After. So how is it more your fault than his? Bottom line…not your fault!

[Jvane18 in reply to Blueruth]

Thank you, you are right🙏

[ChronicLegend]

Wh-what? That was by no means your fault. O don't know who this person is but he/she has to chill.

[Jvane18 in reply to ChronicLegend]

Hahah I agree they need to chill thank you!