I don't feel good enough..

maybe i have imposter syndrome. i'm not sure what it is, but i passed my exam (barely) we need a 90% to pass and I got a 93%.

maybe i'm hard on myself but it's also peoples lives on the line. so the pressure, it weighs heavy on my body. The aches from yesterday are still here and i still have more work waiting for me.

i've come to the conclusion that the only thing that will ease this stress is having at least one or two friends in my life considering my mom hasn't responded or reached out to me nor my sisters to check on me and it makes me want to cry every second of every day. i dont eat much, and if it wasnt for the motivation to care for others i probably wouldnt eat at all.

i joined an app called bubble to make friends (its not only a dating app you can select friends and meet girlfriends on there) so i met a girl and we were talking nonstop for 3 days straight then all of a sudden she slowly started taking longer to respond and instead of responded back quick it took her all day so i quickly gave up. i know people have lives.. but im lonely and i dont know if i can take another friendship where im not getting the effort i put in. i dont annoy people, and im willing to be a great friend but im used to people choosing other people over me then it leaves me feeling like im not worthy of anyone to care about me. is there something wrong in this logic? because i need to know even if its tough love. i dont know. the worst part is all the girls in my cohort are all close, and they know im the only one in our class with no friends but maybe they stopped trying because theres something wrong with me that no one will tell me!

and even a guy reached out to me on my instagram who i found attractive but once the conversation got good i stopped responding because i was scared. but now its too weird to reach out to him. i know i should priortize other people right now but its sad to say i need someone to actually talk to because i go ALL day without talking to people then once I do have to finally talk in a meeting i'm SO SO socially awkward and my voice cracks and people talk over me or don't see me the way i'd want them to. maybe its my anxiety making it hard for me to even try to think positive. but the feeling of tears coming when you're in public.. those tears that are really hard to hold back.. i feel that everyday, all the time. this is how im spending my 20s, lonely, overworked, and maybe even more desperate which is the hardest trait for me to admit. we all need love and no one loves me.

[Agora1]

Congratulations LGrace on passing your test. Good Job

I'm proud of you xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora, your “good luck” gave me some luck

[formidible in reply to Agora1]

I'm sure you will meet someone nice soon to talk to soon. Well done for passing the exam. You are good enough, it's just your thoughts telling you you're not. Life can be lonely sometimes but well done for reaching out. I'm sure you're a great person. Everyone here is really nice I've found. I think communication is key. Always good to tell someone what you're really seeking and feeling if you feel up to that. Quite often if you don't get the response or attention from someone its usually because there's stuff going on with them, not you.

[Dolphin14]

Great job on your exam. Nursing school is not easy. It takes a long time to learn to apply the classroom stuff to your practice. Don't be so hard on yourself.

People do get wrapped up in their own lives. There's not much we can do if people choose to not communicate. Taking it personally is the first normal response I would think.

If you have a good enough relationship with someone just ask why. There may be something going on with them that you aren't aware of

[Ava20]

I'm really happy that u cleared the exam. Just take a breadth of relief first n ne proud thay u did it. You know the things u wrote, u can just change ur name n put mine, I'm in d same boat as you. I know exactly how u feel and I used to think I'm d odd one out, but talking to u has made me feel normal abt myself. You know some of are different but what I hav it doesn't mean that we beat ourselves up. We can be there for each other. And no matter what I'll always try to respond to u Grace. Just keep gng on.

[Sprinkle1]

Congratulation 93% is wonderful, and YOU did it. Let me say, when I was young I doubted myself a lot, I was always more of an introvert, and off in my own world, We moved when I was young a few times, so I always felt like an outside, I was also quiet and shy, so people tended to avoid me. Growing up is hard, so is growing older, thankfully I got a job at a therapy center, attended classes and had one on one, and group therapy, I was 39 when I started. What a change it made in my life, I learnt to love, respect and enjoy being me. I know you are very busy with your schooling, if you could find time there is a great book I read that helped me A Lot, by Dr. Scott Peck "The Road Less Traveled" that was 30 years ago, it was in the top ten best seller list for 7 years, Amazon has it used/new, it also gives incite to other people. There is Nothing Wrong with You, one thing I liked about the book, first line first page he says "Life is difficult" Oh I said why did not someone tell me that when I was 16. Further down the page he talks of Buddha who said, "Life is suffering, but once we transcend it we live in peace".So I worked on transcending for years, took me over a decade, I finally made it. Now I live in peace, no worrying, do not take things personally, I live in the moment, I get up happy and go to bed happy. Please become your own best friend, no put downs, praise when you do a good job, laugh, cry if you have to, it cleans out junk in our system, learn to meditate, it is wonderful and life affirming, if you can find the time take a walk in nature it is refreshing and building. Talk to us, we offer support and love, we love you, remember that. Contact the young man again, tell him you were scared, if he is mentally balanced he will accept that, then you can have someone to talk to. I like to get males opinions, it opens up a new world to me. So I will end my epistle, sending you Love for the special person You are, big hugs too. Write to us we give support and love.....