The other shoe

[Shriendly]

Does anyone else ever have a hard time just enjoying being happy, because you wonder when the other shoe will drop? I don’t know if it is because I don’t feel I deserve to be happy, or if it is just that I am more used to being depressed.

[Hidden]

Yes I do!!! We have to learn to live in the moment, yesterday is gone & tomorrow hasn't happened, try to focus on today! If you have to do an hour or half hour or even less at a time maybe that will help you! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

[Sparklygirl901]

Sometimes it terrifies me to be happy because I am scared of the low that will "inevitably" happen. What i find helps is telling myself that I don't believe in that... fate/self fulfilling profecy is not going to rule my life, self sabotage is a major cause of ongoing anxiety and depression, and fuels the fire for me, so to speak. I find that even thinking that way causes me to slump and think what's the f#cking point???? But there is a point, my kids, my family, nature, all the beautiful things i enjoy! Take each day at a time, and allow yourself to live in that moment and enjoy your happiness because we all know how hard the other side of the coin is... hugs x

[2stroke]

Shriendly•

I think, since the passing of my wife ,i've just been used to being morose,and now its my usual mood..

[homemaker46 in reply to 2stroke]

I see you. I have not had that experience. Your pain is normal and ok. There's nothing wrong with you. This can be temporary or long term. That part you can impact. Let the temporary do it's work. You're going to be morose after this loss. When you're done being morose you won't be morose anymore. Let it be what it is right now and stop making yourself wrong for it. It's normal.

[Shriendly in reply to 2stroke]

So sorry for your loss. Xx

[fauxartist]

I wrote a post a few days ago about this exact same topic...these were my thoughts on it:

Self sabotage is a major issue with those of us who suffer from this disease. And if you have had chaos in your upbringing, or some major trauma...it's often become what you know and what you are used to in your adult life as well, it’s become the norm. Do you think you sometimes create a problem because things are going too smoothly? Do you think you’re trying to read between the lines when there's nothing there? Do you imagine people are thinking bad things about you when really they don't care about anyone else but themselves? Do you think something bad is going to happen when everything seems okay? A lot of us just can’t seem to get out of our own way and enjoy the moments when we are not actually having anything going bad in our lives....many find it very uncomfortable to just be in the moment....always looking for the other shoe to drop. Why is that......how is it that we cannot just enjoy the peace for a while....what if the other shoe never drops. Just sitting and contemplating your triumphs in life, seeing how much you have overcome, allowing that peace and tranquillity everyone talks about wanting.....stop pushing away all that is good in your life, let yourself alone.....and give yourself a break.

[homemaker46]

I do. Finding out through mbti personality assessment that I'm an ENFP type currently has really served me to know my weaknesses as well as strengths. Looking at my 'little girl' who wasn't nurtured well through no fault of my own helps too. I get hung up on what I deserve and even what others deserve, over analyzing to the point of talking myself out of anything good because my intuitive strength is to feel and discern big picture impressions of people and situations. They're often right so I get ahead of myself in assessment and limit taking risks myself to impact the 'assessed' situation or relationship or person I'm dealing with because I summarize that I 'already know' how it's going to turn out. It's a crazy, sad cycle I'm working on breaking. Mindfulness about being in the moment with clarity (eating well, exercising, talking honestly) helps when I choose to do it. Depression can be an identity especially if we get benefit from it like attention and support. I would run toward people who told me what I wanted to hear and away from those who genuinely challenged me. It was for my own comfort and avoidance of conflict or challenge. Challenge is hard especially if challenge or stress was what consumed your childhood. In my observation people who grow up 'too fast' eventual deal with childlike desires. No developmental stage gets skipped. It always comes up at some point. The stuff like birth order, mom/dad issues, socioeconomic status, personality etc really does come back to bite. I think it's all to get us to see ourselves more independently though. As one with strong codependent tendencies and anxiety I see you in your grief and concur that yes, in fact you do deserve and also are resourced enough to do what it takes to be and attract happiness. You're not alone in that struggle to achieve that. The hardest part is looking in the mirror and coming to accept hard realities about personal ways of being. It's painful but less so with loving support as well as loving challenge. I hope my sharing conveys both.

[megc7]

Hi,

I feel this completely, I’ve been developing a worsening depression lately so I’ve noticed that it’s hard to enjoy things I love because I know it will be short lived and come to an end. I saw a counselor once a few weeks ago and she said I should work on trying to live in that moment and enjoy it but I that just can’t happen for me because like you say I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Being depressed is a full time gig and since I can’t turn it off it’s hard to feel something different (like pretending to be happy and enjoy myself) I plan to try and get the depression under control and only until then I think I’ll be able to snap back to who I was and feel that happiness again

[Shriendly in reply to megc7]

I hope that happens for both of us. Xx