Started work 4 days ago for the first time and the staff hate me.

I started my first job this week but if I do something wrong the staff get annoyed with me even though I am still trying to learn new things and it is causing me to have panic attacks and feel really depressed as they don’t care that I don’t know everything yet which is still making me feel again that I just want to die since I can’t make anybody happy with me so it is just pointless of me being here since nobody is ever happy with me or anything that I do. I hate my life so much.

[Hidden]

You've talked yourself into a circle. Which I do very well, too.

1) They hate me.

2) They don't care that I'm new

3) They expect perfection.

4) I can never make them happy.

5) I hate myself and want to die.

The problem is that the very first statement can't be true. No one could actually hate you in four days unless you are physically torturing them, which I assume you aren't doing. It is also very possible (and much more likely than above) that your co-workers know that you are learning and what you read as annoyance is actually them helping you learn by pointing out what you don't know yet. It's so hard! We look down on ourselves so much that we assume everyone else we interact with thinks the same way.

New circle:

1) I got a job! That is a big deal.

2) I have a lot to learn. That is interesting.

3) Things can only get better from here, as I keep learning new tasks.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi socalpoppy. They actually do hate me and tell me off if I do something wrong instead of showing me what to do. I’m not torturing them I wouldn’t do that. I was left alone on my third day to look after the kids which isn’t allowed on somebody’s first week.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I knew you weren't possibly torturing anybody, my dear. I can't imagine that you would be able to hurt anyone that way, especially if you are a person that wants to help children. You are right about not being left alone your first week. I'm sorry that people aren't speaking kindly to you. Their OWN negative attitudes make them speak like that. YOU are not causing that by your behavior. They are the source of meanness. The mean words show what kind of person they are. It has nothing to do with who you are, Lolo.

Love those kids and they will love you back.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I have wanted to work with children my whole life I know their are parts I can’t manage to well like when a child gets sick but I love working with them. Yeah I wasn’t supposed to be left alone this week at all. I don’t like how some of them act and the supervisor isn’t much better at all. It has me feel like crap all of the time and that I am doing everything wrong.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I think it is so cool that you get to work at something you always wanted to do.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

It is alright because it can be more enjoyable when you want to do the job you are in

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Great reply socalpoppy and I totally agree with you. x

[jkl5500]

Please don't beat yourself up over this. Sometimes people are in the middle of something, and they get a little irritated when they're interrupted. It doesn't mean that they hate you. They all know that you just started, and have a lot to learn. Just be patient with them. If you have a question, you could say something like "Excuse me, do you have a minute? I have a question."

You have your whole life ahead of you, and you have everything to live for. Just take things one step at a time.

[Hidden in reply to jkl5500]

It is when they are watching me or check a while after I did something to make sure it is done right and if it isn’t they get annoyed with me so I do find it hard.

[jkl5500 in reply to Hidden]

When that happens, I suggest you say "Please show me what I did wrong, so I can correct it.", or something similar. That will show them that you're trying your best to do a good job. I know living with depression is very rough, but try not to overthink all this.

[Hidden in reply to jkl5500]

I am afraid to ask those things because the person that is meant to be showing me these things is from another country so I find it hard to understand her accent and she doesn’t seem happy when I ask her to repeat what she said as it is hard to understand her. It is hard for me to cope with it all because of dealing with depression and anxiety

[jkl5500 in reply to Hidden]

Is there someone else there you can ask if you have a question?

[Hidden in reply to jkl5500]

Not that I know off as I can’t always find the manager

[jkl5500 in reply to Hidden]

If it's that hard to talk with your supervisor, maybe you could talk with the manager and explain about the accent problem. Just say that you're trying to do a good job, but you can't always understand her instructions.

These problems at work have NOTHING to do with your abilities, or self-worth, or anything like that. That's just depression playing its tricks on your mind. Please don't put yourself down over this. You're a good person who's trying to do the right thing, and you're having trouble understanding someone (which is not your fault).

[Hidden in reply to jkl5500]

It is hard because I have never spoken to somebody before where she is from so I do find it hard to understand her. I have tried to explain that but she doesn’t like when I say that so I am going to try say it to the manager.

I just feel that they think I am trying to put things off since I keep asking what she or somebody else that I can’t really understand says since they don’t like to repeat what they said

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

I agree with socalpoppy that no one hates you. It takes a lot of effort and energy to hate anyone so why would they spend their time doing this?

I would interpret this as staff who are very busy and under stress who maybe resent having to teach someone new. This is much more likely.

If you have a problem with your mentor speak to the boss and expain being careful not to slag her off or anything. Just say that you find her hard to understand because of her accent and could somebody else do it please.

Another idea is to carry a notebook round and jot in there things you need to remember. Good luck. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I feel like they do as a few of them don’t like it when I ask them to repeat what they said.

It is annoying for me because I am working in a job I always wanted to do and now I am finding it difficult.

I had said it to a staff member that I can understand and she wants to help me but she can’t really as she is in a different room to me.

I may do that thank you xxxx

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

It's not about you but about them. Don't take on blame where it's not warranted. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I just feel so stressed by it as it’s to much so I have felt like giving up on everything

[Dolphin14 in reply to Hidden]

Lolo1999

Don't let someone else ruin your dreams. If you really want this make it happen.

Speak to whoever you have to so that you can get some assistance with these issues.

Some people are just not meant to train people. It takes a certain personality to teach and help someone grow in a field.

You have done nothing wrong. Try not to give up. I know our depression and self esteem can get in the way. If you can wake up everyday and look in the mirror and say I want this for me it will make me happy, and I'm going to do everything I can to achieve my goal. Then get out there and go after it.

Wish you the best Lolo. Life can be so hard sometimes. You have a lot of people here to lean on.

[Hidden in reply to Dolphin14]

I am trying to get as much out of it as I can it just isn’t easy because staff have me doing things on my own that is not allowed on somebody’s first week.

I am going to try to speak to the manager about it.

I do find some people in the place are not able for showing things to new people.

This job is what I want to do and it is what I have been in college for so I am trying to get as much out of it as I can.

Thanks Dolphin14

[Dolphin14 in reply to Hidden]

It sounds like a very stressful situation, Lolo.

Are they short staffed so pushing you to do thing alone?

Stand firm in what you know is right.

We are all rooting for you.

[art62grammie]

No one is perfect. Low self-esteem will cause your mind to think the way you do. I too have dealt with the same mind games you are. I finally realized the mind is very deceitful. The way we look at our self is very in tune with our way of thinking. I am older and just recently realized that I am a human being the same as others. I do have self-worth. I may suffer from PTSD. Many people walking on this earth have mental issues and do not admit it. There is not one person alive that does not struggle with life in some fashion. Even the richest man alive has issues. Just because we have PTSD or whatever it may be in one's life. We all are created equal. We all have self-worth. As an Anorexic for forty years. Depression and low self-esteem I know too well. My recent recovery has given me a whole new outlook of myself now. I am just as good as the guy next to me. I too have self-worth. I deserve to be treated just as good as the guy next door. Your mind can be so manipulating. Even if all the other people you work with do think of you in the way you said. Who are they to judge? If they are not being pleased by you. You can not please everyone. Please yourself by doing the things the way you want to live. Do the things that make you happy. Live for you. These words are what my mental doctor said to me. I hope this can help. You don't want to give up on life because of any job. There are evil people in this world that have nothing better than to make others feel like poop about themselves. Don't worry about what others think of you. We each one is created equal but are who we are. If this job is causing you to have low self-esteem. Do not work there. It is not worth it. Believe in yourself no matter what others think of you. You are wonderful and beautiful as a human being. Be strong and live life the way you were intended not for others. Take care and chat anytime.

[Hidden in reply to art62grammie]

How did you manage it all? Sorry to hear about your PTSD. I am glad that you are doing better now. It is just not right that staff are having me do things I am not allowed to be doing on my first week so that is hard for me. I may leave it when I can I don’t know yet and thanks xxxx

[art62grammie in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for responding. I managed it by being patient. I do not know where I was the day patience was given. I do not have much sometimes. LOL! I am learning. I never was a fighter as far as standing up for myself. I have had to become a fighter in the war against my 40 years of Anorexia. My recent recovery has been a great teacher. The first time that I reached out for professional help with Anorexia. I was 50 years old. Six years into treatment now. I had to mental become a soldier to overcome my illness. PTSD WILL ALWAYS REMAIN. I daily stand up to it an overcome past painful memories as my mental doctor has trained me. PROCESS AND RELEASE. I will not allow the illness and hurt that the abuse has caused me to be. The Anorexia was all due to abuse. I will not allow anything nor anyone to keep me a prisoner within myself ever again. I finally love life. I will recover each day as long as I live. We live and learn. My memories no longer cause me fear. I have overcome many things in life even with Anorexia. I manage daily by standing up to fear. I NOW HAVE NO FEAR. I will not let those in my past keep me from being myself. I am a soldier and no Anorexia will exist in me anymore. This is when I became a fighter. Fighter within my mind. I love training new people in my job. I love to watch them prosper. There is where I have a lot of patience. I am very patient with people. You will be fine. Do not let others intimidate you. If you want this job and can learn it well. Do not give up. If I gave up with my fight against forty years of dying to Anorexia. I would not be here today. You go for want you want in a job. If it is too upsetting for you after you tried. Go and find something else compared to it. There are jobs everywhere. Some trainers are not compassionate and understanding like me and some others. I wish you all the best and reach out anytime. That is why we all are here. To encourage and lift one another up. I suppose I do have patience. It only took me 56 years to become the person that I want and intended to be. LOL!

[art62grammie]

If your trainer speaks a language that you can not understand. They are probably upset with themselves. I am sure that it is not you. They get upset trying to get there point across to you. They are upset with themselves not with you. I had an Indian boss recently. I am English speaking. I have asked him to repeat many things. I too have had to repeat myself to him numerous times. We connect. We respect one another and no worries here. If you really want this job stick it out and it will get much easier. I have trained many people in my job. They stuck it out and done very well in the end. Change is hard. The outcome is usually great.

[Hidden in reply to art62grammie]

My trainer can speak English I just can’t understand her accent it is really hard and other staff nearly complain when I don’t know what to say on the phone in each room when I can’t understand what is being said to me to say to the other person on the phone. I am glad that you are your boss were able to connect with each other to be able to talk to each other.

[Hwhme]

I just want to say that I have difficulties with accents as well and with the speed some people talk. I would guess that you are far to young to remember the 2 Ronnies four candles/fork handles sketch which revolves around mishearing. I agree that telephone conversations can be very awkward. Perhaps you could ask your manager to mention your difficulties during a staff meeting and you could try to refer to the issue in a light hearted way when it next comes up. I am not saying this will be easy or that you are to blame for the issue but having found a job you love it may be worth it. Good luck in the future.

[Magicdreamer]

Congratulations on the job. I completely understand how you feel as I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes. I've just started learning how to not focus on trying to make anyone other than myself happy. It's difficult but it deserves practice. Instead of trying to do things for others, try doing it at your own pace for yourself. But the choice is yours. Whenever someone gets irritated look at them and say, uh, interesting and then remind them that you're still learning. Using interesting instead of judging help not take on reacting to another's emotions but it takes practice because it's not really you they're irritated with... I wish you the very best. Xxx

[copasedic]

Everybody loves to pick on the new guy cuz it makes them feel like they have seniority. Actually it only proves their own insecurities! Just smile, know that you are doing the best you can do for a new employee, and as hard as it is, judge yourself by your own work ethic, not how others try to make you feel. Crabs will always pull you back into the pot! Especially if you’re making them look bad.

[AuntHelen]

Hi Lolo1999!

So happy this site is here to help everyone.

doing something you love is so exciting. Change your focus to the Children. Thank your co- workers for pointing your errors. Show them that you are eager to learn this position. If you find something that one of them showed you was helpful let them know. We never know what other people are feeling. I’m very shy and don’t say much, sometimes I came off snooty. But you know whatever is going on, maybe ask them how their day is going. Maybe they don’t hate you, but frustrated with their own lives. You are working and in something you have always wanted to do. Celebrate!