Idk anymore

[Mamatired]

I feel like sometimes I don’t know why I am sad and anxious anymore. Or why I have pain. I feel like it’s a normal part of my personhood now and like it just is what it is. I feel like when I’m around people, I’m able to just be happy and nice because I don’t know what they’re going thru and don’t want to be mean and perpetually spread my sad/anxiousness but when the people aren’t around I feel low.

[Hb2003]

I was the same way as you it took me such a long time to tell people my mental health issues without being shy or worried about it .

[Mumma_h]

Hey Mamatired, jyst because you don’t know where it’s coming from dosnt mean it didn’t start from somewhere. Instead of thinking where it came from , like an incident or something, think about when you started to feel anxious, when those feelings came up and you may be able to better pinpoint the source and why you feel this way . Day to day anxiety can be triggered by almost nothing at all, it could be the tiniest thing , so that in your subconscious makes you feel just really scared or upset or brings up those feelings. I believe when our brain is so used to doing that it just does it automatically. A small thing can cause reactions , then our adrenaline goes up and all the bad receptors start going off .... just a thought, I’ve had long term severe depression before and anxiety, still up and down sometimes,after a mentally abusive marriage, and I’ve been doing some reading, and the science of the brain often comes up. The triggers of low self esteem.... When and why something really scares me ... And why I can stay in this heightened state for some time after these triggers ....

My brain chemicals are shooting off all over the place ....

[Mumma_h in reply to Mumma_h]

P.s I’ve noticed that it’s often the good ones , the caring and compassionate ones that have anxiety. We’re concerned about affecting other people as you stated . I’m learning it’s ok to self care too, to take a little back and ask for help from those around you . Could you tell them that their help could do wonders for you ? .... if they could offer you some encouragement by saying you’re worth it and your loved and your going to be ok , and just a big hug . . It’ll make them feel good about themselves too .

[brightlife12345 in reply to Mumma_h]

I feel like I'm in the same boat too, I worry a lot about what people think and their feelings. I want to be a good friend and protect them so they never have to experience what I am going, yesterday I have decided that I start taking care of myself. I wrote a list of things I want to do, like plan for a bright future, and wrote realistic goals for myself. I still want to be there for my friends, but I need to learn to love myself first.

[Mamatired in reply to brightlife12345]

That sounds lovely. I am happy for you. What are some of the things you’d like to do that are on the list?

[brightlife12345 in reply to Mamatired]

Thank you so much Mamatired for your kind words. I hope this doesn't sound basic but some things I have on my list are to find things that make me smile, learn how to not live in the past and look ahead to the future, love myself, understand that healing takes time, to stay strong, and states the best qualities about myself. I plan to read my list when I feel overwhelmed, anxious, sad, and every morning I get up.

[Mamatired in reply to Mumma_h]

That’s a good suggestions. I’ve started saying no more which was very difficult at first. It’s starting to get easier but I still sometimes give more than I can when I should be taking a minute for myself. I like your suggestion about the big hug/)

[Mamatired in reply to Mumma_h]

That’s so true. I am trying to pay more attention to my triggers. I’ve been ignoring them for so long and have felt discombobulated since being in a car accident. I’m sorry to hear that your depression and anxiety have been long term. I hope that your journey will get better.

[Mamatired in reply to Mamatired]

What do you do to be more attuned to your triggers

[kvolm2016]

Do you feel like knowing why is the key to change or can you imagine change even without fully understanding why? Are you/have you met with a therapist to work on finding out why?