Hi

My life is a mess I have incredibly dark thoughts all the time..

I’m so lonely and lost i don’t know why I’m on here I just feel broken and I can’t fix myself I have been to the doctor but I can’t tell the full truth because I won’t get treatment for something vital to me if I do..

I literally have no friends.. people try to be my friend but I have a very big secret and I have to stay reserved to everyone I meet I can’t stand the thought of being rejected because of it and now I’m very isolated and depressed I have lost many people because of it..

things will never change I guess I just wish I had a proper life and didn’t have to worry about any of this

I just want to find love and friends and be happy but I can’t because I’m a weirdo

[fauxartist]

one place you should feel able to talk about your secret is in counselling, it's not their job to judge you.... and yes... unfortunately people are human...and are biased to certain things as we all have been hurt here, and we all have suffered.... but until you deal with this mountain you can't move.... you probable will feel stuck. I would say that sharing in therapy would be safest....and a good place to start to overcome what your dealing with. I'm glad your sharing here....

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

I’ve had a lot of counselling especially when I was younger up until recently and they do judge.. a lot lol many have been very rude to me I’ve never actually had a good counsellor I have seen a psychiatrist recently she said I was fine and didn’t need it anymore

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

I'm sorry that has happened to you.....that is very unprofessional...and being dismissed by a therapist is equally unprofessional if you say you need help.

[2tired2beme in reply to Hidden]

Find another one

[cheeseausten]

Hey Rnsn,

We are all wierdo's mate, literally everybody on the planet is different from each other and by definition a wierdo:). It sucks that you feel so alone and isolated, just make sure you reach out when things get really bad mate. And obviously I don't know the extent of your secret or what it is you feel you can not share, but I think that you would be surprised how open and non-judgemental health professionals can be. The other thing is, if this secret is related to something illegal, you can ask yourself the question would I be happier to share the secret face the consequences and be free of it or hold it in not face the consequences but live with it.

anyway hope that helps.

[Hidden in reply to cheeseausten]

It’s not illegal it’s very personal and if I tell people they look at me and treat me differently I don’t know why I’m holding back on here it’s not like any of you know me... so here it goes I’m transgender and that makes me bloody weird I know I just can’t connect with anyone because if they find out I get abuse

[cheeseausten in reply to Hidden]

Hey Rnsn,

First of all, I think it's very brave of you to share even if it is kind of anonymous. I am really sorry that you have had bad experiences with sharing this with people. I personally work as a clinical Psychologist (and I need help, go figure!), anyway I have met many people who came in and disclosed this. Most health care practitioners are very professional and would not judge you and would never give you abuse ever. So maybe going to the GP and sharing this with him might be your first point of call. I promise you he won't give you abuse. They also have to be confidential by law, so they can't share it with anyone else unless it puts your or other in harms way.

I don't know where you live mate, but around where I live there is loads of transgender support in the form of groups or centre's. And I don't find you being transgender weird at all, I think it's quite the opposite. Knowing yourself so well to know what you are and what you want is amazing and you should never be ashamed of that.

[Hidden in reply to cheeseausten]

Thank you so much I really appreciate it

[melbrown in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for being so brave in telling us your secret. You are not weird for being transgender... not at all. I hope once you are able to be honest with professionals you will see how special & wonderful you are. I'm sorry you fear bad reactions from others if they learn the truth about you... not everyone will react that way, promise. Have you looked into if there is a transgender community or support group in your area? It might help make you feel less alone & weird. You found this group & it's a great start... we are a little weird (in a good way) & that makes us beautiful. 💛

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

OMG friend...welcome home.... if there ever was a place to be yourself...it's here. This is the most eclectic group of 'wierdos' on the planet. We are an anonymous group who are here to support each other. We come from all over the world and meet here as a collective who share our stuff and help each other cope with a world that isn't always kind. Please stay and feel you can be yourself...no judgement, or critique...just kindness and support.

[Sillysausage234]

Just saying hi✌🏼

[Hidden]

Hey, I know what it feels like to feel alone. You just need to embrace the loneliness... it gets better, trust me! I lost so many people due to my anxiety.... it sucks, but find ways to cope. This gives you time to shine, that’s how I look at it.

[2tired2beme]

You need to tell the truth to get help. You can also tell them why you’re afraid to tell the truth

I hope you can find comfort in the fact that others feel lonely, isolated and hopeless. You have to be strong for the good days. Things CAN change. Can you find a volunteer organization to meet people?

I can understand how you feel and agree that you should seek out a counselor and feel free to tell the truth.

I wish you well, don’t give up, you surrounded by people that feel the same way!

Hang in there. Find 1 reason every day to smile!

[Ninafound]

Just like a previous person said we are ALL weird . That’s what makes this life so interesting in some ways . You were made this way and there’s nothing wrong with that . You are beautiful inside and out ! Don’t ever hide who you are because when you do people will never know the real you. Believe me I’ve done it my whole life and now at 41 I’m realizing I have to be me and I’ve created my madness . I am now realizing who my friends are because I am FINALLY being me . Really find who you are and don’t ever loose it . If people don’t like you then that’s their problem not yours .

[Happysadhappysad]

As ridiculous as it may feel or sound at times, you are not alone....

[Hidden]

Thanks so much for all the replies you’re all very kind and made my day seeing this at work appreciate all of ya

[SirGrits]

Hey Hidden, I'm late to this party, but I agree with the idea that we're all weirdos. So welcome to the club. I hope stating your "secret" here as been at least a little cathartic.

I'm sure it presents unique challenges. So don't be shy about discarding therapists that aren't empathetic and hang in there.