I always wonder. What did I do to deserve this?
I celebrated my birthday last week. No many how many time a try I just don't desire to be happy because I know that it will get taken away from me. I always been the Big Brother, Protector, Caring Person, Gentlemen, respect women, and much more. But when I look in the mirror I see nothing but a worthless human being that ruins everything I touch.
I sit and cry because I don't have anything. I tried of trying and trying every day and not getting no result. I'm not worthy of being alive and not worth of nothing. I want to have a career, make a lot of money, move to Los Angeles, fell in love, get marry and have a family, much more.
But for reason it like I don't desire that life. People I know told me that I don't deserve to live, please go away, your worthless, people like you ruin everything we work for, so worthless and the list go on.
I feel nothing but pain. It feels like falling into the abyss and never getting out. I get this nightmare that I am deading and I'm afraid that one day it will come true.
I guess for me is to just die and I'm tired of trying.