How do I stop blaming myself? - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

60,522 members60,421 posts

How do I stop blaming myself?

There are men who prey on hurt women. And convince you that nobody cares about you, you can't live without him, that everything is your fault. You will always be the person who apologizes even after he puts you down or abuses you. You start thinking you should be dead because he tells you how completely worthless you are. It's insanity. He will try to break you, take everything good away from you, and leave you feeling like it's all your fault and you deserve it. I'm not sure I will ever be ok again. I feel totally dead inside. Like I don't even deserve to live. Who is this person I have become?! How did I let this happen?

6 Replies

He sounds like a narcissist - unfortunately they are very believable and good at gas lighting others. The way to avoid it in the future is to read up about this type of person so you can see the warning signs.

Give yourself time and you will begin to feel more like yourself again. In the meantime maybe counselling can help you? x

There are times I feel the same way having survived domestic violence; wondering if I will ever be ok and feel safe trusting another man.

I have had years of recovery and it's been both hard and liberating, confusing and enlightening. I learned that I am not responsible for someone else's behavior, choices or attitudes. I read a book called Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft who is a therapist to abusive men.

I have learned things about the impact of my own childhood experiences and how these experiences created unhealthy beliefs about my value as a little girl and something called codependenty ( always putting the needs of others before mine own). I've had a lot of un- learning to do and had to discover and educate myself about what healthy beliefs were and how changing my beliefs and choices could improve the quality of my life.

This is a very good site so have a look at the link. x

it's called gaslighting....and sociopaths and narcs buzz right to you if that's what you project.... so find out what it is that makes you feel that way ...and change what you don't like ...find what you do like about you.... and do things to improve that part of you that you feel you want to change. Your perfect the way you are, it's just that there are predators in this world and bad things happen to good people, we just have to do a 180 turn about when you see mr. or mrs. perfect walking across the room at light speed towards us, and don't jump into any relationship too takes time to get to know someone..... and that's how you stop repeating bad relationships....

You look in the mirror and say, 'The person I see staring back at me is a sweet, loving girl! She is worthy, kind to others & very smart too!' You stop focusing on the negative and you start focusing on your positive aspects. What are you hobbies, your strengths, your skills? Take those and find something that you can do to help others. One you start doing that you will forget all about your jerk of an ex-boyfriend. You can prove him wrong and have the last laugh by going on to a very successful life on your own. LR, I have every faith that you can stand up, be strong and show the world you mean business! The only way he wins is if you sit there and let yourself suffer. So jump up, start a new day, get motivated and take no prisoners on your way to a brand new start!!!

I’ve been through this a few times, I just in fact had to move back in with my family because my boyfriend was tracking me in his phone, reading my journals, accusing me of cheating on him, isolating me, and threatening to kick me out. I was starting to feel so isolated I don’t know what I would have done if not for my family. My health was deteriorating. The isolation makes these situations difficult because you loose your support system. Contact a women’s domestic violence shelter and get the fuck out. Or start with an exit plan. Money. Where you will go. How to find support and resources. Don’t take the blame. It’s not you

You may also like...