But it'll help get it out. I'm new here, just looking to find someone, even just one person who might understand what I'm going through. I know everyone experiences things differently, but I don't think I have one person left in my life who gets it.
My name is Evan, I am 23, and I have had problems with depression and anxiety, among other things, for as long as I can remember. I don't remember much before I was 12 or 13, and even then its pretty broken. I have hazy memories before then, most confusing and most of them are more memories of feeling rather than events, if that makes sense. I had a rough and abusive childhood, my very earliest memory is my mom beating me and my brother while we tried to hide from her in a closet. I was homeschooled so I didn't have too much social interaction growing up. As I got older, I began to have these feelings, and they were confusing. I attempted suicide for the first time at 13 years old, but luckily the knife I tried slitting my wrists with was too dull. I have contemplated it two other times since, as recently as November, which is when I finally sought out help. I have been seeing a therapist since then, but I feel like I can't do it much longer. I won't go into great detail about me because I don't want to bore you, I just need something and I don't know what, I thought maybe other people who understand might help. I was very close to writing a suicide note on Saturday, but didn't. I feel like I can't fight it off much longer and I don't know what else to do