Confidence. Self-esteem. Independence. How to achieve them?

[No_Longer_Human]

These topics are big on me. Therapists say i get sick because I don't have confidence in my independence and i need care and love and family. Also i don't trust myself to work. Im scared of and for everyone and i just want them to be okay and feel well. I don't want to lose anyone or annoy anyone. But with this anxiety i do. I feel like a burden. Like im capable of nothing. Grandparents want me to go back to college here but im scared the university here is more strict than my past university. I don't feel capable. I feel worthless. I even stopped feeling good in my body because everytime on socials when someone is losing a comments war with me, they just go to my profile and tell me im too ugly and fat (and even because of my gender) im not right and don't deserve to speak. Childhood trauma triggered. Ik socials are bad but before i was getting so much support and validation there. Now my mom's ruined, dad's gone, sis is ignoring me, i don't have validation. I feel like trash

[Venizis]

Hi, I totally understand what you are going thru. I am going thru similar situations regarding family, not having a home now because of a screaming kid who moved in next door and intense anxiety about the future. Just know that others are going thru similar things and sometimes worse. If you have a home to live in, be grateful. I have so much compassion for your suffering. Know that you are allowed to feel all the feelings you have. I have been working on trusting myself and not listening to others or the external world. We need to validate ourselves, that we are worthy of love and being loved. Sit with yourself in silence and listen to your thoughts. If they are negative, stop them. I notice that when I dwell on the mistakes I've made and how stupid I am, the feelings are more intense. Bring in positive thoughts or rest in the silence. Even if just a few seconds, you will feel some sort of peace within. Be gentle with yourself. Sending you lots of love.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Venizis]

Thank you so much. I feel you too. You're so compassionate. And yeah, here my neighbour randomly decided to give birth for the third time and i hear the baby crying, her yelling like a battle orc and her husband farting all the time. I started sleeping with the tv on so i don't listen to them and sometimes i still hear them. And in the bathroom the TV doesn't mute them. Anyway im so scared rn because of my situation, my meds, my finances and living alone. So your reply came just in time. You're so kind. Sending you lots of love

[SongofAmergin]

First, be calm. You can find a solution. I wonder what kind of psychologists you had. Psychologists usually don't say, "you don't have confidence in your independence and you need care and love and family." They work with you to figure out why you don't have confidence, and why you don't have the care, love, and family you need. How much time did you devote to your psychotherapy . . . a few months, a year? You have many different problems. You need to examine each of your problems, and this may take several years of therapy. If you are having trouble finding a good psychologist, many times you can get low-cost psychotherapy from university students who are studying to become psychologists. Also, I would highly suggest you start attending 12-Step Groups, like ACOA. They helped me a lot! I met a lot of great friends. Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACOA) is an organization that supports adults who grew up in dysfunctional homes. Just go to a few meetings, I'm sure there are several near where you live, and try it out for a few weeks. Sometimes they just call themselves Adult Children. They also have online groups if you are too afraid to attend one in person. But you need to find a caring and love psychologist or psychotherapist. Look for a man or woman who is very kind and nurturing to you. Someone who makes you feel good and safe. Also, maybe try doing a little meditation. There are 5 - 10 minute meditations on YouTube that you can do first thing in the morning to calm yourself down and relax. I recommend that you go for massages. You must learn to love yourself, and that begins by loving your body and taking care of it. You can start by wearing your best clothes every day, making sure you shower and take care of your hygiene. Get back into therapy, and go to 12-Step groups like ACOA and Adult Children. Your life will get better. I promise. Look for Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families on the internet and they can help guide you. I care about you.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to SongofAmergin]

Thank you. I appreciate it. I've been going to psychologists for 10 years - they always say I have problems but don't say how to fix them and why i have them. I'm a little scared alcholic groups might be triggering because many people say their parents died from it. Here students don't do this, i recently graduated psychology and i haven't heard of such option. Since a few months im talking with a girl my age from the Red cross counselling on the phone and sometimes the psychologist in the youth centre but he's not a therapist and he just gives me books and tasks and just encourages me to ignore my past and problems but they come out at night or when mom calls. Meanwhile therapists dig in my brain and my trauma till blood