My thoughts right now....

I want to help other people on here and I don't know how to help myself. How can someone who is hurting try to heal others? I'm going to be 50 on August 22nd. Since I've turned 40 I have no desire to celebrate my birthday at all. I wish my life was different in so many ways. I have had trouble throughout my life of keeping jobs. I'm on disability because of this. Disability is no way to live. I'm surviving at poverty level. I really want to get off of it and do steady work. I am interested in getting a CNA license and getting a job helping senior citizens. You can get health insurance with that but it doesn't pay much. I just feel like I'm this dreamer sitting on my ass watching the world go by. At my age I thought I would have accomplished something by now. People like to say it's never too late but when you get older and you realize how all these corporations just want to hire the people out of college in their 20s, it's a bitter pill to swallow. I am just lying around, feeling like my life is over already. If anyone can say anything encouraging to me, I really need that and it is much appreciated. I don't care how old you are. It seems sometimes like older people are supposed to try to encourage and be mentors to younger people, but sometimes we are floundering ourselves and we don't always know what to do ourselves. Thank you for listening.

[Dreamer27]

Sometimes, I think that even when you are hurt or down on your luck, the best thing is to go help others. In return, that feeling that you gave decent advice or you helped them in a time where an individual really needs someone by listening, is triumph. In return, it makes you feel better and light hearted (personal opinion of course).

[VDC1]

Don’t feel alone because millions of people are going through the same thing, especially with Covid happening and all the lost jobs. I’m in my mid thirties, and although I’m working and earning good money, I’m at a job I hate and I have chronic pain.

I don’t know the specifics of your situation, but my only advice is that you’ve got to try to focus your energy on anything you can to improve your health. Sounds simple but everyone can do something to improve their health. Maybe that means improving your sleep habits, eating habits, exercise habits. For example I’ve tried everything under the sun to help fix my back pain, yoga, stretching, chiro, physio , acupuncture. I’ve spent thousands and just kept trying things until I finally figured out that it improves if I go for walks every day. So now I force myself to walk every day. And I can’t walk fast, but every morning I get up and just do it, and my health has improved dramatically as a result.

You’re never too poor, or too disabled, or too old to find and make improvements to your health, your sleep, your mood, your connections, your quality of life. Find those small changes you can make to achieve some more peace in your life and you’ll be glad you did

[SirGrits]

@Googoodollsfan14 hang in there. Have you thought about Church? Maybe you already have one, if so consider digging in a little deeper. Like a new small group or volunteer with the pastoral care group.

Also, go for the CNA. It's been on your mind so just keep moving in that direction and I bet you'll feel some relief as you just keep yourself pointed that way.

Prayers bro...

btw, if you hadn't dated yourself in the post your name does the job. Goo Goo Dolls...memories, lol.

[Hidden]

Well I'm actually a woman, but thank you. I'm such a sucker for singers and musicians, I always wished I could be some famous singer myself. But as I've gotten older I realize how we idolize all these celebrities and I think some of them, the fame does a number on their brain. I just appreciate human kindness these days.

[Perriex]

I relate to much of what you said.

I will be 52 the end of Sept. I have been unemployed, with exception of one month at a job that didn't work out, since the end of July of last year.

I had been doing evening office cleaning at a nursing home for 26 years. I had been miserable for a good four years (maybe more) before I left.

It was recommended to me to try and get into my local Vocational Rehab, due to my chronic depression and anxiety. I had no idea that would qualify me.

Cut to Covid -- I ended up being extremely fortunate to have been on unemployment already, so that I didn't have to fight with the overloaded system. With the additional weekly stimulus payments, I was better off staying unemployed.

My counselor with Voc Rehab got me a few extensions due to the virus, so that I wouldn't have to meet the usual deadlines with them until a later date.

My unemployment is about to run out, but I now have a good savings to live on until Voc Rehab can help me find work.

I desperately want a job helping others, but like you, I'm having trouble helping myself.

You said you haven't wanted to celebrate your birthday since you were 40 -- same here!!!

I also wish my life were different and that I would have accomplished more by now.

It's horrible when ppl ask what you do for a living, and you have to feel shame, as I did for so many years, working a cleaning job.

Then, I had to say I was unemployed. It didnt feel much better.

I feel like so many ppl around me are keeping busy, accomplishing things, going places -- I mostly stay home, and try to improve my mental health.

While I have MUCH to be grateful for -- life is a struggle, and I pray I can soon begin to be the person I was meant to be.

Take care, and feel free to message me if you'd like to talk.♡

[Hidden in reply to Perriex]

Thank you, what you wrote was so nice. Glad that someone understands. I wish I could try to write a book. I have some ideas but writing a book is a daunting task. I'd like to write some kind of self help book that would help people.

[Perriex]

I am a writer myself!

A self help book sounds amazing!

Let me know if you want to collab!

(It is daunting. As are most things that take us out of our comfort zone.♡)

[Hidden in reply to Perriex]

What do you like to write? Years ago I was part of a creative writing group that I loved. I wrote poems and a few short stories. I like to read but these days I'm online more than reading books! I read some fiction but I seem to read more non fiction stuff. I'd just like to write something that would give people hope. I've read a lot of self help books myself. Sometimes I think you can learn more from reading a book than going to therapy for years. I also like music a lot and I wish I could write songs.

[Perriex]

I write short horror stories.

I was also in a writing group!

We were together for 6 years, until two of us moved far away. We did the video chat stuff... but it just wasn't the same.

I also volunteer copy edit for a small local newspaper, and have written some feature articles. The paper is on hiatus now due to Covid.

I am also online all the time, and have gotten away from reading books.

Self-help stuff is my jam! I have read some stuff, and found some great podcasts.

Songwriting! That has been a dream of mine as well! I just can't read music.

♡

[Hidden in reply to Perriex]

Honestly, I dream too much. I constantly want to escape reality. In my notebook over the past couple of months I've tried writing down some ideas for a self help book. I try to think of an outline, I write a few pages and then I'm lost again. I recently tried to apply for a job at a cafe, and my anxiety is ramped up and I'm petrified. I feel good for nothing. Can't deal with other people.

[Perriex]

Thank you.

[Perriex]

That is a lot of scary feelings.

Not to sound pushy -- everyone is different-- but are you on meds or in therapy/counseling ?

(I can't remember if you mentioned it before.)

I am on a med for depression & one for anxiety (that one isn't doing much anymore). I see a therapist virtually.

I am struggling right now with some extra stuff in my life causing me stress.

Back to you ... I can relate to when you write a few pages and then are lost again. I say, keep trying! And I need to take my own advice. It's been a few years since I've been able to even start on a story. It's awful.

I hope you can find a way to control your anxiety. Anxiety and depression really can stop us from living, and trying to better ourselves.

Try to be gentle with yourself. That's what I am trying to do. You are definitely not good for nothing. However, it is okay to feel that way. Our feelings are always okay. If we think they are not, we will beat ourselves up even more, and that is not okay.

♡*hug*♡

[Hidden in reply to Perriex]

Thank you. I'm on psyche meds but I'm part of this lousy Community Mental Health program that I think I should just get out of because I don't like talking to their social workers. I didn't mean to lay a lot on you, my life is just dismal. Really at a low point today, but I'm hoping something changes. Take care.

[Perriex]

That sucks about the CMH program.

No worries about laying stuff on me. It helps me a lot to talk to others who get it. That's why I'm here. I've searched and searched for a good site/group/page where I can find nice people to talk to.

So I'm not going anywhere for awhile.

You said that you hope something changes. I think that is part of (if not half) the battle. Having some hope left.

I'm here anytime you need to chat. You can message me too, if that works better.

♡