Codependency

[seekingSunshine]

Hi, new to this site. I'm dealing with codependency issues after losing my parents. I had no clue this was happening when they were alive. I tried the 12step program but its not enough. I want a program that helps explain how I got this way and how I can train my thoughts to be independent. It's causing me anxiety, depression, and anger.

[Hidden]

There are some programs like adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families that gets into the family systems origin of codependency. They have online, in person and telephone meetings. It also could be you are still grieving and just feeling very insecure and lonely, which doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. There are grief programs at churches and perhaps other locations. I’ve heard the world is different without your parents and I can only imagine how the world feels to you right now. My ❤️ goes out to you.

[seekingSunshine in reply to Hidden]

I was told I was not welcome at alanon because I didn't have direct alcoholic in family but I do know that it exists in the family. Maybe a generation away. I'm not sure of the program you speak of.

[Hidden in reply to seekingSunshine]

ACoA, it’s a separate group and you are definitely welcome

[seekingSunshine in reply to Hidden]

On this site or external website?

[seekingSunshine in reply to seekingSunshine]

Is it also a 12step program?

[Hidden in reply to seekingSunshine]

It is a 12 step. They have their own website just google ACoA

[seekingSunshine in reply to Hidden]

Thanks, I don't 'get' 12step groups. I feel admitting powerlessness over an addiction means giving in to the addiction... Not fighting it any longer.

[gogogirl]

So sorry that you lost your parents. I am old, and I know what it's like to have lost them from a long time ago. I hope there are good memories also from when they were alive, and I also hope that you have other family/friends who can help you get through this. Glad you came to this site. Losing parents is tremendous- there is no sugar coating it. I hope you have pictures and other momentos of them to help you through. Is there a grief support group near you?

[seekingSunshine in reply to gogogirl]

Hi, thank you for the condolences. I tried to reach out to a church grief group but I didn't get much response once I told them I was not a church member. I have not found another grief group. I recently had contact with a sibling that helped a little but for the most part I do not hear from them. They are busy with their own families. I am also looking for a non-12step codependency support group. Thank you again.

[gogogirl in reply to seekingSunshine]

Regardless, of being a member of this or that- personally I think we are all members of the planet Earth. Please continue to come here- you are in good company.

[homemaker46 in reply to seekingSunshine]

Ouch! That’s a shame and not helpful. I don’t know of one in particular. I have found some helpful YouTube channels related to codependency in partnership. I’ll pm them.

[gogogirl]

If you are in the USA- there is also something called a Recovery Learning Community- I have heard of some good things about them. Sorry again for your loss. My parents passed decades ago, and I think about them all of the time. I remember someone saying at that time, " Aren't they supposed to last until they are three hundred? " Wouln't that be nice? You've got a lot on your plate now- like a three course meal- grieving for your parents and looking into co dependency issues. It sounds overwhelming- one step at a time. I hope you can also gather good memories and momentos of them as well.

[AZ1970]

I am reading a book that is helping me a lot. Its s not about codependency only, but it addresses the things you are searching out. It is called Complex PTSD from Pete Walker. I don't know if your parents had any addiction issues, but Adult Children of Alcoholics information may be helpful. They have a list of atributes a person may develop from living with an alcoholic. Melodie Beattie has a ton of books on codependency. Codependent No More is her most well-known book. Good luck and keep posting.