Hi. It's been too long since I've really been around here. Been suffering in silence or trying to ignore it all. I finally started the PTSD program that is offered at our health clinic. It's like a 10 week group & therapy program, with another 10 week program after is you are ready to move on. It's all over zoom... the class has meet 4 times & had my 1st official secession with my new therapist (we did meet last week to discuss what to expect). I like her so far, she called me out when I checked out during our 1st meet. I'm trying to hopeful... but finding it difficult. Group/class over zoom/teams does not work for me. You aren't required to keep your video, making it easy to "check out " ... some have to comment on everything, taking from the limited time we have (in person is easier for the teachers to read the room). The past 2 times I've left upset after class, this week I basically zoned out. We've just focused on breathing excerises, meditation & journaling how that went. This isn't new to me... & it's harder for those who have experience childhood trauma. I try, can't focus or feel relief, get mad, think it's stupid & stop doing the exercises. I'm feel beyond broken & defeated. Yup, haven't done my meditation/breathing excerises for the past 2 days.😞😭Thanks for listening.
Just needing to vent.: Hi. It's been... - Anxiety and Depre...
Just needing to vent.
wow I was going to pm you tonight because I haven’t seen you in a while but then I saw this post. That sounds like a very frustrating time in group zoom. I have been frustrated with feeling agitated lately. I’ll be starting an ocd therapy soon on top of my regular therapy it’s going to be a lot probably. I feel for you but I think you will problem solve and make the necessary decisions. ❤️
Starrlight 🫂💗 You are so sweet. I'll probably explain to my therapist on Tuesday, it's bound to come up. She did explain it was going to be a lot. Trying to remind myself this is worth it. I hope you have a good experience with your group. I'll let you all know how it progresses.
Thank you. I think it’s ok to feel all of it. I think you talking it out with your therapist is very good.
Then you get yourself frustrated for feeling frustrated don't you?
The other day myself and my friends were on about how an accumulation of silly and petty things can be the most frustrating!
Oh yeah totally!
Hi Mel
I had hoped you would come on and let us know how this was going. I'm sorry it isn't what you expected.
Group work is a whole different dynamic. There is always one that likes to monopolize the sessions. They like to hear themselves talk and it's so annoying. 🙄
I can see how zoning out is easy when you don't need to keep the camera on.
You have choices, remember that. Don't feel forced to stay, you aren't " little Mel" anymore. You can decide what works best for you. Sometimes just telling myself that makes life so much easier.
❤️🐬
Big hugs Dolphin14. 💗 I'm really hoping it gets better or that the therapy is more involved. I've done a couple of different groups & for me in person works better. You get that bound/understanding & it's often more balanced. Plus was able to decompress after. The class is in the middle of the work day, so I dive back into work. I need to remember to let myself have 5-10 minutes to come back. I've asked my brother to help remind me to do that.Thank you for being such a big supporter. I've been trying to remind myself & little Mel that we have a huge support system now. It helps to know we're no longer alone.💗🫂🦔
Since I moved back in May last year I have been working through childhood trauma as well and been reminding myself how I am a grown woman now and have choices in what I do or don't do and how I'm not that child anymore that was on the receiving end of psychological child abuse!
Yesterday myself and my sister in law had a chat exploring why is it that cheeky people upset me so much and the answers I came up with was it was to do with having received psychological child abuse whilst growing up and the cheeky comments bring it back those feelings of being powerless!
Last Sunday we had gone to the carvery and we had dared to have ordered the large ones and some cheeky people had commented and I had to leave the room as I was so mad!
I know full well logically that my reaction was extreme and irrational but couldn't help it which was why I had left the room to cool off!
When I had thought it through about why those kinds of cheeky comments set me off it was to do with having received those rude comments off a parent growing up ad infinitum and told myself that it's those who make the cheeky comments that have problems not myself and how often it's the case when they open their mouths that they don't realise things can hurt!
With respect though its none of their business how much I put on my plate at the carvery or don't!
At home this week I had made myself some sweet potato soup as part of the pantry challenge that finishes up on Monday and in a caring manner hubby had asked me are you sure you're eating enough and I wasn't cross as that was said in a caring manner whereas with the cheeky people who make those comments it's done in ignorance and a lack of understanding but with those types where there's no sense there's no feeling either!
Very true, words and attitudes can be a trigger.
That's what we need to do, remind ourselves that these people are not our tormenters and we do not have to hang around for the attitude
Gotta tell you I had potato soup a couple weeks ago, first time and it was fabulous!!
❤️🐬
Was that regular white potato soup or the sweet potato soup?
I got some leftover sweet potato soup in the fridge ready for tomorrow's evening dinner after the carvery and having the large plates!
I will do what I feel is right and with respect the size of my carvery plate is nothing to do with anyone else!
Load it up lady ! 
Nobody's business
It was white potato. Yummy
We like red potatoes here but find that rutabagas are more affordable and often use them in place of regular potatoes!
A colleague had asked me did I not like regular potatoes when I had replaced them with rutabagas in a recipe I had brought in for lunch and I said yes I do like regular potatoes but find rutabagas are more affordable when you alternate them with regular potatoes.
Thing is what's right for my family isn't what's right for another!
Life isn't all or nothing!
Good news we went to the carvery as planned and had the large plates and we really enjoyed them and no one was rude to us today!
I have written a letter of complaint to the bus company about that bus that keeps breaking down and how 3 times in a month is beyond a joke!
Hi mel, It's hard getting started with a new therapist, good for you doing it. I'm glad that seems to be going well.
I like to remind myself to argue with my feelings when I'm feeling bad about myself.
You did great starting the PTSD program. Remind yourself it's okay to get mad, think it's stupid, and stop doing the exercises. If it isn't working for you, it isn't. Maybe you could explain to your therapist what doesn't work about the group therapy, and see if it helps?
I hope you're feeling better soon. It's nice to see you back.
💗 Nothing_but_books 🫂 Thanks for saying it's okay to feel how I feel. I did warn my therapist how I feel about breathing excerises... so I'm sure we'll discuss it & maybe she can help. I'm just tired of this, I want to feel normalish and learn to accept this part of me. I hope you are doing well.
Yes it's more than OK to feel how you feel and nothing is right or wrong!
I get it, wanting to feel "normalish", but... We aren't, not so much.
I like how Sillysausage234 put it -- hope he doesn't mind I'm sharing a screenshot of his wisdom.
Sillysausage234 is a wise silly man. May we all realize what he said is true.💗
I’ve always said no point following me because I don’t know where I’m going….hope you’re ok Mel
Maybe so, but the trip's interesting.
I hope you're well too, you and your sweet babies. Well wishes even to the bitey-bite birbs.
I’m making slow progress re Bonnie and Clyde .l..did I tell you I got 2 canaries now too ….they actually genuinely like me
Yes you did. "Bonnie and Clyde?" 🤣
Maybe the canaries will influence the outlaws. Good luck with that.
Talking of birbs.........
I love it! Just got here, and it gave me a big smile. 💜💜🦜
It's sooooo cute. Glad you like it 🤗🐰
Seconded.
It's perfectly fine to get frustrated. I think we get caught up in the "feel good all the time" thing and treat non good feelings as bad. So when we experience these "bad" feelings, we try to ignore them or keep it to ourselves. But all feelings are valid.
I understand starting out a new therapist. I was close to firing mine because I didn't feel we were working out. But we eventually discussed that and found some understanding. I realized I need to be patient. It takes a couple of months to figure out if this is the right therapist for you. Both of you are still getting to know each other.
Yeah I personally never like group work. Not even in school. I always hated group projects 😂 because I ended up doing all the work. And with therapy group work, there's always 1 that tries to make it about themselves. So it's easy to tune out.
It's okay if you stop your breathing exercises and writing in your journal. It happens. Doesn't mean you messed up your whole life. You can pick it up again. If you don't like group work then tell your therapist that this doesn't work for you and you would like to try something else. You are not obligated to do these things. Do what's best for you.
Wishing you healing and love 🫂❤️
Everyone gets episodes in life when they feel angry and frustrated and there's no shame in it!
💗🫂 Thanks for the great advice. I took everyone's advice & talked about it with therapist yesterday. It felt good to be heard & understood. She even said I have no reason to trust her yet. And that this is unfortunately hard work... & it's okay to have these feelings. She even agreed she isn't a fan of the zoom meetings. Thanks.
That's great that you felt heard and understood 😊 it's a good feeling. Also it's true, you and your therapist are still in the "feeling each other out" stage. And I'm glad she was honest with you about that. Sometimes people think when you get a therapist, you are supposed to automatically be in tune with them. But therapy isn't like that. It's a few months to see if this is the right therapist for you. And sometimes they are not and you have to find a new one. It's not a bad thing. You want someone you are comfortable with because you are going to be discussing and working through uncomfortable things.
So I'm happy for you on continuing your journey to healing. Hopefully you can get out of those zoom meetings. Wishing you healing and love 🫂❤️
I can totally understand how a you feel about a Zoom group. That "setting" is not effective for me either. I find online meets frustrating too. And, the way some folks "take over" your sessions with their ongoing comments sounds frustrating too. It seems that might not be so therapeutic for you/others who might not work that way. I don't mean to dwell on the negative. I just understand how that must make you feel. I hope you can get something useful from the experience. Meditation can help. And journaling is good for some folks too. It's ok that you feel annoyed online. It's ok to break from your "tasks" when you need to. You can be "upset" and avoid them until you feel ready to do them again. You are allowed yourself space to feel frustrated. It's part of the program, I believe. Allow yourself to experience your feeling(s) about situations. You don't have to "hide" your feelings. Just let them "ride through.". I've rambled long enough here. Just wishing you good healing. Trauma is ugly and unfair. You deserve healing.
Just after everything shut down in the March of 2020 they decided to do Welsh classes on zoom and I didn't like it and preferred the traditional face to face ones!
Thank you... agree 100% about trauma. I was saying to my therapist I hate how hard this is. I felt better after our session... though still on the fence about the class. We all deserve healing & peace. 💗🫂
Change is difficult, and zoning out for me was a self-protection behavior when facing any kind of confrontation with a difficult issue from my past. It's a challenge, and I feel for you and think your very brave for giving this thing a go....and some things are just not a goo fit, but maybe just observe for a bit longer, and sometimes we hear what we need to hear by sticking it out. I'm glad your new therapist seems to be on the ball about the checking out.
Sounds like some good work ahead for you.... be patient with yourself...deep breaths, your safe, and your okay.... nothing from the past can hurt you anymore...this is the work that takes the power out of that stuff we fear and shut down from.... your doing good...you know the old baby steps thing... and just pull back when you feel overwhelmed...journal, process, and ignore the 'chatty kathies' in the group...remember... they are there for the same reasons you are...that's just how they probably process their way of dealing with stuff. And it's okay to check them on it, and tell the moderator to set up a share time limit so everyone gets the opportunity if they want to ...to share. ....
You are your own advocate Mel, your a good person, a big heart, and now it's your time. Your being very brave....you go girl...
💗🫂💗 Fauxartist you are such a dear friend & your support means so much. My therapist & I had a good session yesterday. Was able to get a lot out & she able to help me process some of it. That doing this trauma work,sad/bad anniversaries in January & life in general... no wonder why I'm feeling so triggered/raw right now. That checking out is the mind's way protecting us. I'm trying to remind myself I'm safe, love & supported now... it's so difficult... that little girl doesn't trust any of this.I hope you are doing well... bet you can wait for spring to come to your garden. Love & hugs.
Yep, it is what makes therapy scary sometimes, we feel so vulnerable and exposed, but how else do we get to the root core of our stuff....it's always good to pamper yourself a bit and keep your home environment feeling cosy too if you can. Journaling how your feeling of course, and sometimes just take a mental enema and watch movies, do crafts, read, anything to give your brain a break. And then just keep at it kid to take the power out of it, your safe now, nothing from the past can hurt you any more, we do get better.
Hey ❤️ I don’t know you that well… I’m kinda new I guess. I just wanted to say that I thought it was great that you are trying. It’s easy to give up and just stay in a slump sometimes but you found a good resource and are showing up. Maybe it’s not the greatest now but keep going❤️ And I hope that even at least one little thing makes a spark and helps you out 😊
Sending good vibes and hopeful thoughts your way
hello Meltdown, I understand how you feel. I have been reading the Bible and praying. A big thing God wants us to do is to forgive. Jesus on the cross prayed that that we be forgiven for we know not what we do. If we want forgiveness we need to forgive also. I pray you find others who are on this road of forgiveness of self and others.god bless you!
I understand your name. Daily I am close too it.
I'm probably missing the point of what you wrote earlier, but is there any interaction of what you can talk about for that day? (or is it 100% what the program structure tells you it's going to be)
Like.. Would you be able to say something along the lines of, "I'm not really in the mood for meditation today. Can we talk about my PTSD issue, and how to deal with my thoughts?" (or is the program too structured if you can't do that)
.
I don't know if what I said above is making things worse, but I just throwing a suggestion out on the table, and I'm just trying to help.
.
Either way, it's good to see you back around here.
I can't do online or zoom or telehealth either. I need to be IN PERSON with my therapist or for a group meeting. Otherwise I zone out and I don't feel like I'm really THERE because I'm not... I'm here in my room on my computer. It's just so impersonal. I am signed up to take a 16 week DBT group therapy IN PERSON and am looking forward to meeting other people who have the same issues as me and actually seeing them in real life. This online group is great and helps me to know I'm not alone but still... it's nice to be around people who "get it."
hello wish you well in Jesus Christs name amen
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