Suicide though

When you wait for the other shoe to drop. The past couple days I am doing good but for some reason, I didn't feel anything. My friend was getting married and will be moving to another state, I was happy for him. He told me that people with hope will always get what they want in the end. I told him and his wife to always be there for each other, love each other and much more.

You realize that love chose many people for some reason. I realize maybe I would be better off dead. My story ending when I was born. It hurt so much knowing you will not get what others have.

[fauxartist]

I wouldn't give up just quite yet zeld....I have suffered with this my whole life, still do, but one thing is....I get knocked down...and I get back up.....even though I may be feeling down. I know no one can fix me....no relationship is the cure for my loneliness that's in the pit of me when I am at the low point of this disease....but I know the only way to go when I'm at the bottom is up...yeah...corny but true.....and no....I didn't always believe that.

It took years and years of failed relationships, jobs, fair weather friends, recovery, and many therapists, groups, and combinations of medications....all trial and error....

I was determined to go to my grave single...alone,...and feeling I was done with life.

Well....life happens even when you give up on it. I found someone who could actually relate to me, warts and all. After a couple of years of getting to know them we found out we really loved each other...unconditionally....fairy tale stuff?....no....it's always a lot of work for those of us who have this disease....but yes...you can find someone. If I can, so can anyone.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

your right. thank you.

[01harley]

You could very possibly have more than what other people have. We were all

put here for a reason, we may not know what it is yet. Don't give up. Find something positive to hold on to, and hang on tight! Never, ever give up on yourself. Your life started when you were born. Keep living it one day at a time. Just don't give up!

[Hidden in reply to 01harley]

I have nothing to hold on. all I can do is move forward with pain

[Juliagail]

Those are LIES! Depression and anxiety lie to us all the time. It’s simply just not the truth. The more that stupid recording goes on the endless loop in your head, the worse it will make you feel. I’m sorry for your pain, I have been there many many times. Tell that recording to STFU. ❤️

[Juliagail in reply to Juliagail]

Someone in another post mentioned podcasts, I hadn’t ever listened to one before but after I read your post I realized I could definitely use a brush up, I found and just listened to one called Stop the bully within, I liked it. At the end they said it was meant for teens but I still found it beneficial.

[Bug13]

Zelda, I have felt like a screw up my whole life. As a teen I was told that I was rebellious and going to help. As a young adult I married a horrible control freak , had 3 babies and we divorced because I had an affair. I was blackballed from my family, then got back into their graces because I started taking medicine for depression and anxiety. I dovorced 2 more times. I have been on meds, off meds, attempted suicide 4 times, started gobbling up Xanax and drinking alcohol, went into Rehab, I am on the verge of ruining marraige #4. I self sabotage, I am depressed and negative. I was out of work for a year, I isolated, I drank. I am trying to wait to get insurance and go see a doctor so I can get my medications adjusted. Suicide is not the answer. Although there are still days I feel like I have no purpose. I am muddling through this, trying to get back on my feet. This site is a huge support and I wrnt on DBSA website and found a group for BiPolar Depression and Anxiety. That helps alot. I have a long way to go, I get overwhelmed very easily. I have an issue with alcohol. I am working through many problems. But I know I can't give up. My guilt and shame are horrible, but again I will not quit. Please stay in the fight with me. With all of us.