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[Lostandbroken]

The therapy stuff wasn't that bad, she was a nice lady. Though we didn't do much but get to know each other this time she told me I don't need to feel bad for the things I have gone through. I can love someone but if it's not good then why care? I came home and was already being called a whore and what not, I just want to be happy, my daughter in a good home. I love him and I would do anything for him which is irritating but am I wrong to stand up and stop taking the threats.

[fauxartist]

What!?..Who is calling you a whore.....that's not acceptable? Okay...I just re-read some of your earlier posts and you were saying your baby's daddy was abusive...is this who calls you names?...is your daughter with you and the daddy too?

[Lostandbroken in reply to fauxartist]

Yeah it is her dad and she's not born yet 33 more days to go, he's trying to make me the bad person for trying to spend time with my family even though that's what he told me I could do. I got called a whore And more names not appropriate nor true to who I am, but I've taken that for years. He treatened to post inappropriate pictures if me everywhere even said he did post the one so I have that screenshotted but we're over one minute and he says we're still together the next. I don't know what to do I love him. I'd do anything for him but when is it gonna ever be time for me to stand up for myself to see my family..

[Lostandbroken in reply to Lostandbroken]

I am at my parents now though

[Hidden in reply to Lostandbroken]

Does he always tell you what you "can" do?

[Lostandbroken in reply to Hidden]

It's how it's been almost 2 years. No holidays with my family, didn't celebrate my birthdays nothing, he got my paychecks all the time everything.....

[Hidden in reply to Lostandbroken]

Like a prisoner, that's no way to live.

[Lostandbroken in reply to Hidden]

He's making it like it's all my fault and I'm taking away from him

[Hidden in reply to Lostandbroken]

I hope you know that it isn't your fault.

[Lostandbroken in reply to Hidden]

I know it's not he's just good at making it seem to be my fault... Even though I did nothing except try to make him realize his wrong...

[Hidden in reply to Lostandbroken]

Do you think he will ever realise that he is wrong?

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Lostandbroken]

Please read a book crazy love, or at least get yourself on ted and watch the talk with the author.

ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan...

Please do it for your daughter!

[Jen456 in reply to Lostandbroken]

This is called manipulation. At the core of the issue is this guy trying to diminish your esteem and self worth so that you feel like you need him and can’t ever get anyone else. He’s complete trash. He’s controlling your moves because he doesn’t want you to hear things from other people that might make you think poorly of him. He’s controlling and manipulative. He’s disgusting. You need to stay at your parents and focus on your new baby. U don’t need that added stress and garbage. I’m so disgusted. Please be strong and leave him...you will feel so empowered.

[littleorange8]

I'm the same, except my partner lies and neglects me. We are long distance right now due to school, but we are planning to be together once we find jobs. If I'm lucky, I will get 1 text per day, and he will call me names (like b**ch) if I start texting him too much. Many times he's even threatened to sleep with other girls whenever he was upset with me - then later say he didn't mean it. But he still claims he loves me and that he'd treat me better if I wasn't "annoying". I dont know what to do either.

[Lostandbroken in reply to littleorange8]

It hard right? It is harder to be pregnant with a baby no doubt but how long have y'all been together?? If you get away earlier the easier...

[littleorange8 in reply to Lostandbroken]

Yes exactly! the memories and feelings that you already built for him, plus everything you've sacrificed for him. I've been with mine for 4 years now. It would be so much more difficult to leave with a baby, because then you're the only one who has to handle the rest of it by yourself. But I think staying with him would be bad for the baby.

[fauxartist in reply to littleorange8]

Are you sure the memories you built are not just a fantasy of what you want him to be in your mind and the reality of what he really is your in denial about.

[Stilltrying_ in reply to littleorange8]

Ok, I am going to say something. You two ladies, lost and broken ad littleorange8 really need to wake up and smell the coffee. It really annoys me when women stay with men who they admit are abusing them and claim to" love" him or for him to" love" her. Love is not abuse. You can't love someone and abuse them. They are opposite things. I honestly think that women who stay in these situations have only themselves to blame at the end of the day because who on earth would allow themselves to be called a b***** or a ***** or to have their boyfriend threaten to sleep with other people? Maybe both of you are too frightened to be on your own or have inappropriate boundaries ( no excuse). Just get your boundaries right ladies. I get fed up of posts where women are claiming to love these idiotic men.. If you enjoy being treated badly then go ahead and let it carry on. Trouble is its not just affecting you when there are little ones involved. For God's sake have some self respect ladies and move away. You're not exactly a good role model of a woman in that you allow yourselves to be treated as verbal punch bags. I'd be ashamed.

[fauxartist in reply to littleorange8]

dump this loser....and get a man who does treat you the way you should be treated...be the 'Queen'....not the pawn in his sick little games he's playin with your head women. Come on...maybe tell him he's history and your gonna find a good man who knows how to treat a women....with love and respect.

* I'd like to add that a good man loves and respects the mother of his child, and that they would never want to do harm to either.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Please listen to faux...I agree 100% with her. Remember the 1st step is always the hardest. You deserve better than this...stand up for you!!!

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to littleorange8]

Little orange! Please please please please do everything you can to make yourself safe and happy! There is a book and a website called psychopath free. It saved my life! My boyfriend, whom I loved so incredibly much, would do me horrible stuff. I had a chance to find the site and I followed. I read hundreds of testimonies on Quora from people being in the same situation. I read their stories and took their advices. It’s violence! Your boyfriend sounds like npd, especially threatening he’s gonna sleep with someone else. I truly love my boyfriend, even today, but I wish he never gets a girl again. He is a destroyer, not a real person, he’s only a mirage that we fall for. I love him so strong cause I’m fooled about who he is, I love something that is delusional and made up, but it’s so hard for me to even get to any kind of acceptance that people can pretend so much...

They can. They really take pleasure from destroying others. They need attention. They use you. They really take everything possible and when the supply is gone, there’s a new one.....

I wish you both ladies to be strong to leave them. I really do!

[fauxartist in reply to Orangeblossom85]

this is brilliant....and exactly what 'battered wife syndrome' is all about. The illusion of being loved.....verbal abuse and battery is not love...and learning to love and respect yourself enough to get out of this pattern of abuse is a journey. There were women when I was young who always made this same sad excuse of: 'But I love him and I know he didn't mean it'.....there's plenty of these gals in cemeteries all over the world. Some are disfigured for life from the blows to the face, arms, legs, etc. And it all started out with 'Words'......words can leave scars too...ones you can't see, and ones that don't heal.

[littleorange8 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

i have thought so too, but he’s dated other girls before and he’s told me that he never had to raise his voice with them because they were “sensible” and “understanding” - he says i’m just crazy and clingy. he said they cried and begged him to stay with them when he broke up. he said if i leave him, i will regret it and there won’t be a guy that will be better than him.

every time i tell him to go see a psychologist to check whether he has npd, he says he studied psychology and he doesn’t have it. he says if anything, i need to see a psychologist because i am the crazy one who always asks him to text me and is paranoid about him cheating. but i am only paranoid because he’s demonstrated again and again that he lies.

but i don’t know anymore what to believe or think. he always argues until everything i say is proved wrong. if he is right - and i AM the crazy one - then i will have lost him if i leave him because i was the one at fault.

what do you guys think? should i leave him?

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to littleorange8]

The more I read about him, the more I’m sure you should leave him.

[hypercat54]

Hi a suggestion for you. Make a list of pro's and con's of being with this man. Don't forget to put down the names he calls you and his jealousy.

Can you start by listing reasons you love him? To me this would include 1) he supports me. 2) He is nice to me and makes me tea in bed and stuff. 3) He puts my feelings first. 4) He surprises me with little gifts. 5) In bed he tries to make me happy. 6) He is happy when I are happy and likes me being with my family and friends. Do any of those appear on your list? Stop just repeating parrot fashion 'I love him' and look at why.

You have a skewed view of the world my darling as relationships are not meant to be ones where you are made to feel bad you know! Love doesn't make you feel like you have described. I think faux is right - you are more in love with being in love and you are making this man into what you dream of instead of seeing the reality.

He will be a lousy father and will abuse your child in time too. If you are mature enough to have a baby you are mature enough to provide it with the best home you can.

I actually want to reach through my lappy and shake you until your teeth rattle. Until you wake up and start smelling the roses. x

[Lostandbroken in reply to hypercat54]

How he said he would talk to her as she got older if she cheated was inappropriate and then when I defended her he came back with that's just a slut to protect a slut. That's your baby and you're already doing that....

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Lostandbroken]

Well if you can't see that's a disgusting way to talk to you and a good enough reason to get out then there is something very wrong with you. Dump him.

[Robinrenae in reply to Lostandbroken]

Please reread what you just wrote. ☝️ You are already having to defend your daughter ( from her own father no less) and she isn't even born yet! People only treat you the way you allow them to treat you, but your beautiful unborn daughter can't protect herself, that's why she has you. She has to come first period.

Why do you allow him to control you and talk to you like a piece of trash? You need to think about that so you can fix it. Love doesn't hurt, love protects, it nurtures, it brings joy and comfort........do you feel any of that?

[fauxartist in reply to hypercat54]

absolutely right hypercat54....and yet here's another soul chiming in saying they are putting up with the same abuse....women....for your own self esteem and self worth...no one is that friggin good in bed to let yourself be abused like this....that's why god invented batteries.....lets get real here....what part of 'this is abusive' are you two not getting....come on....be your own advocate here....be there for your baby....stop wasting your life with these losers....there are good guys out there....go out and get one of those....and find out what it's like to have all those things hypercat54 says a good partner should be doing for you.

[littleorange8 in reply to fauxartist]

i have stood up for myself and even broke up with him last summer. he came back a few months ago saying he’s changed and i decided to believe him and give him another chance. it’s difficult to leave because he tells me i won’t find another guy that will deal with my problems and they will treat me worse.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Very well said...again take all of this advice you've been given...life will improve for you!! XXX

[Lostandbroken]

I just want him to fix himself and he won't her rather make it my fault..

[b1b1b1 in reply to Lostandbroken]

He will not "fix himself". You need a dose of reality. You are being badly abused, and, as Faux said, it is likely that the abuse will increase after the baby is born and will then come to include the child as well. You should be asking yourself why you love someone who abuses you. You may want to leave while you can.

[Brittney07]

Your so not wronge and I've been through the same thing and it's hard it makes things worse daily it could turn an amazing day into the worst day you've ever had . It's hard not to care or keep feeling the way you do . You have a big heart, it's hard you can't just stop loving someone , but you have to know who you are and remember your amazing no matter what anyone says don't let the harsh words or harm change the way you feel about yourself always know your worth. Make yourself stronger and then do what feels right . Work on yourself and be you no matter what anyone says. Try writing things down on how you feel and how he makes you feel it helps some and if you ever need to vent or need me to remind you that your amazing I'm always here to talk xoxo brittney

[Lostandbroken in reply to Brittney07]

Thank you

[littleturtle in reply to Lostandbroken]

Hey. From reading the thread, I just wanted to remind you that this isn’t your fault and you should not be ashamed. Many women get stuck in the cycle of abuse for various reasons and it isn’t always easy to leave. Especially if you rely on each other financially. From a legal aspect there are things you can do to protect yourself and your baby. Idk where you are but there is likely a domestic abuse or women’s center in your area that is filled with advocates that want to help you stay safe and rebuild your life, and even help you out with working on legal issues. You might want to look into one of these organizations. It may help you get your life back on track. You deserve happiness and respect. Please reach out to me if you have questions or need to talk. This isn’t your fault and it can get better

[fauxartist in reply to littleturtle]

that's great advice....the hard thing for many women and some men who are in these types of relationships.....is that for some....it's the norm. And they have possibly grown up with men like this in their lives and it's not seen as abuse, just a man who is the boss and knows what he wants and you are supposed to just be there for them no matter what they do.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

And boy how sad is that??? XXX

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

It’s pretty archaic to stronge women like us who would not let anyone dominate us like that or abuse us, and we seek out relationships that are on equal ground. I remember though all the guff about women wanting to establish their independence when I was growing up in the late fifties and sixties....have you ever read : the 1955 ‘Good House Wife’s Guide’ Explains How Wives Should Treat Their Husbands?...have his cocktail ready and waiting for your man as he walks in the door....then don't bother him with all your stuff from the day you had to deal with...and make sure his favourite meal is hot and ready for him and on the table as he kicks off his shoes and you put his house slippers on his feet. And this crap is what women have fought for independence from for decades now....and it’s hard for us to see younger women still being subjected to that kind of Neanderthal mentality.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Once again faux ...you nailed it!!! Now take your bow, hahahaha!!! Love & hugs Pal!!!! XXX

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

you are so funny....I luv ya pal....you make me smile....and yeah...want a few more laughs....check out this link....littlethings.com/1950s-good...

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

I will!!! I'm so happy to make you smile!!! XXXX

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

OOps I love you more, hahahaha!!!!!