I now know that I have really messed my relationship up. I confronted my boyfriend about a message I found between him and his ex. I cannot be more ashamed of myself than I do right now. I jumped to conclusions. When I read it I saw it as he missed her and wished they were still together. Now that I talked to him, he explained that he is always here for here no matter what. I’ve never hated myself more than I do right now. It’s tense between us so much that he can’t even look at me. He was going to walk out the door without saying I love you or goodbye. He won’t talk to me. When he does look at me, there is so much hatred in his eyes that it punches a hole in my chest. I asked how I can make it up to him and he said he needs time...to me that means he’s debating on whether or not to stay with me or end it...I’m so scared that I haven’t eaten anything since the day before yesterday. How could I have messed things up this bad? What is wrong with me? Maybe it would be better if I wasn’t here at all. Then he wouldn’t have to worry about me ever again. I love him so much...this pain and loneliness is so horrible...I’ve told him I was sorry and that I know I was wrong...I feel like I might puke...I really hate myself for this whole thing...
I really messed things up.. - Anxiety and Depre...
I really messed things up..
I’m not sure you “messed your relationship up” if he is speaking to his ex? Is this a normal occurrence? And, did he actually say he missed her?
As far as I know he isn’t talking to her. no this isn’t a normal occurrence and no he didn’t say he missed her. It’s just how I read it.
You posted about it the other day saying what he had said to his ex did you not?
He says now that he needs time, for what, to see if his ex will take him back and if not then he will stick with you?
You haven't done anything wrong, so don't blame yourself. Count yourself lucky that you found out what he is up to.
Don't let him use you.
He can’t get back with his ex cause she is married now. She got married before her divorce was final with him. Idk why he says he needs time...I’ve apologized but he says he’s still irritated and basically wants space. I stayed in the room yesterday cause whenever I went into the livingroom I could feel that he didn’t want me around him.
If he has no feelings for her then why is he still in touch and telling her he misses her.. He isn't being fair to you, he is trying to make you feel guilty about this when it is all of his doing, dont be manipulated into feeling you are to blame. He needs to explain everything to you and give good reason why he is saying those things to her.
He didn’t actually say he missed her. Its how I read it. I felt like he was saying he missed her.
Sure, it's all up to you what you do about it.
I do hope it works out for you.
Assuming that your boyfriend is being totally honest with you, then have faith that time is what he needs and then he will speak with you. I know how it feels to get iced out like this and it is pure turmoil.
I try and distract myself as best I can- keep busy with work, clean, go for a walk- whatever I can do to escape from the feeling of dread.
If the worst-case scenario is coming, ask yourself, would you want to be with someone who is hiding things from you? Even innocent things? I would think that he should be the one apologizing for giving you cause not to trust him.
I’m praying for best-case scenario. It’s hard to keep busy cause I’m home all day everyday...which is bad cause that’s when my head gets the better of me and I sink deeper into the pit that I’m trying to pull myself out of.
I understand. I hope that everything will work out for the best, too.
One thing my therapist once told me is that there are some things you just can’t do anything about. Put those things “on a shelf.” They are there, but out of reach and not worth your thoughts.
You can’t control how your SO will behave. It’s scary but true. Your anxiety isn’t serving you now. It’s very certainly harming you. Can you find a book to read, a movie to watch? Cookies to bake? Try and pour your energy into something else if you can. That’s what helps me.
I just got done deep cleaning the house. Did the dishes finished laundry. Trying to keep my mind off of this crap.
Hi I agree with the others. I read what you posted about this and anyone would be concerned at that. You had the right to ask him what it is all about. He is the one at fault not you. Don't take on blame which doesn't belong to you. x
It’s hard not to when he has shut me out...I don’t even want to get out of bed.
He has shut you out coz he is feeling guilty and blaming you for it. This is a common response with some people. They twist the truth and you end up feeling bad. Reclaim your power and direct your anger towards him and not inward towards yourself. Never sell yourself short. x
How exactly do I do that?
By understanding what is happening. When awful things happen to me and when I am calm again I go through it in my mind in detail. I look at what's happened and whether this is mainly me to blame or others. Most times it's 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other! In other words it's usually both of you.
From there I decide what if any action I need to take. Sometimes it's a talk when you are both calm with the other person, not apportioning blame but each saying how it made you feel. We are all entitled to our feelings and no one should ever diss them or tell you that you shouldn't be feeling something when you do. That text message made you doubt the quality of your bf's love for you and it would have with me too. I would have spoken to him as well and cleared things up one way or another. He is the one who said that not you so you need and deserve some explanation. If he is twisting things then say that and keep to the point.
Think about whether you can trust him again and if you give him the benefit of the doubt forgive him but don't forget. If he reacts this way again in the future then you might see a pattern emerging. Then you can decide what to do. x
I know it's hard but remember how you feel is important. You are the most important person in your life because you feel what you feel but to self deprecate yourself isn't going to make you feel better. There is a reason you feel the way you do and it's not because you suspected him but because your emotions and insecurities have been invalidated. I'm learning how to set boundaries for myself and that's something you may want to consider as it sounds like you're invalidating your emotions yourself because how you feel matters. There's a reason you feel so bad and hurt and it's deeper than you realise. Maybe look at setting a boundary for communication.... To be able to express how you feel is a need and humans have needs. You matter! Xxx Try be gentle on yourself.
It’s so hard though cause every time I tried to talk to him before all this, its like what I was saying went in one ear and out the other...
You're worth so much more than being shunted! I know that feeling of desperately wanting someone to want you the way you want to be wanted and its painful but if he's not treating you with respect now, he never will. It's hard to accept this but always trust your instincts and a woman's intuition is never wrong. It doesn't matter how much we deny the truth, it stares us in face and we make excuses but the worse you feel, the more your emotions are telling you there's oke and when you follow the smoke there is fire.
I don’t want to be alone...I’ve cried so much today and yesterday. Besides the sickening feeling in my gut, I feel nothing but numbness...I hate this, I hate everything...I’m so tired of it all...I opened up to him I told him everything that has happened to me. I just ended a marriage where I was emotionally and mentally abused. And the he came into my life...he made me love him more than I ever loved anyone...
I want him to come home and tell me that everything is alright and that he loves me with everything that he is...but I doubt that will happen...not with the way he’s acting...
I know that pain oh so we'll and I share deep compassion for you in this moment. Invite your Spirit guides to come help you through this. They won't intervene unless you invite them because of free will. Sending love, compassion and a really big and warm hug. Xxx
My spirit guides? Idk who they are or how to do that...
Okay, close your eyes.... Take deep breathes in and out and set an intention (whatever your intention is but can only be for you) example... I invite my Higher Self, Spirit Guides and Angels to help me through this difficult situation through clarity and peace of mind comfort and serenity and set an intention for resolution for your highest purpose. Please be with me through the night and day (whichever) and help guide me and keep me safe and comfort me through this pain.
Remember to say thank you and if you have a candle then light it. The flame will increase in size with their presence as the energy rises. Xxx You're in safe hands.
Your guy is completely over reacting. He should be reassuring you not giving you a constant hard time.
Maybe time to think about Contingency Plan One.
I'm not sure how he feels or what he's thinking, but the more it has an obvious impact on you, the easier it will be for him to carry on behaving as though you're in the wrong. It's possible that he's prolonging how 'upset' he is because it's clear how much you love and care for him and it's nice for him to have somebody who cares so much that it will upset them just knowing that he's unhappy. Even though it would be difficult, I would try to seem less concerned and do something for yourself. When he sees that you're happy and doing something without him, if he truly cares for you, he'll be interested in what you're doing and whether you looked at his phone or not won't be an issue. Sorry if this sounds a tad cynical, but I think you need to take control of the situation so that how he behaves doesn't have a profound impact on you.
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