Why me?

[JoanyAnne357]

Why did I have to be born into such negativity in my life? I let it get the best of me. My life has been on hold for months now. Summertime makes it worse. I can't seem to get out of this dark place that I'm in. I suffer from agoraphobia, depression, anxiety. All the fun things in life are no more in my life. I was raised with no positive reinforcement and so much negativity. I'm 51 years old. I don't have a b/f and never been married. I live with my elderly father and my son who constantly disrespects me. It's very stressful!! I'm just a loser and a failure, to be honest. Don't know how much more I can take.

[fauxartist]

I know the feeling like many members here do too...your not alone, there are a lot of people here that have and are in the same emotional state. Many of us including myself were raised by parents who were emotionally absent, or abusive. Many of us have had and do have low self esteem because of it. It's then what happens in our adult relationships too, because of being treated badly, it's what we know.

But there are many members who's posts you can read and comments left by other members who give each other hope, support, and suggestions. We find a way to live with this disease, learn to stop beating ourselves up, and how to respect ourself enough to have better relationships if we choose to. This disease is not our fault, we didn't do anything to deserve it, and didn't deserve the way we were treated as kids, it's a chemical imbalance that can be managed.

Have you been in therapy or are you on anti-depressants.

[JoanyAnne357 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you so much for your advice and understanding!!

[CazO46]

Hi , I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. It sounds like you have a clear idea about why you feel so unhappy so I wonder if there is something you can do to make life different for yourself? You know your son is being disrespectful, perhaps you could think about what you can say to him to tell him this has to stop. I know summertime is supposed to make you happy but I know it's not all that easy. You deserve to be happy but you might need some help with starting that journey. I am thinking of you X

[JoanyAnne357 in reply to CazO46]

Thank you!!

[2getbetter]

Like so many others on here, we have been in or felt the same way. Your not alone and any and all of us are right here for you if your having a rough time. I feel a lot of your pain as well in that I’m dealing with an estranged son, going through a second divorce- and wondering what’s wrong with me and am I destined to be lonely the rest of my life. I feel like I’m - Pity, party of one, your table is ready. Every day getting out of bed can be a huge accomplishment and trying to not get knocked back down in the hole can be dauntless. If you need a friend, just ask- a buddy system has helped me a lot.

[Celtskin]

You highlight the emotions that many of us feel so much and tho it’s sad to say it, but you are not alone. I, like many are thinking of you. And hoping and praying that there is light twinkling somewhere to lead the way to Happy times that we can truly experience with our own happiness.

[JoanyAnne357 in reply to Celtskin]

Thank you!

[debbiegk]

First of all, know how important and special you are. I know you don't feel that way, but depression puts a veil over everything. I am 54 and have dealt with depression most of my life. It is harder when you don't have people to support you, but you are not alone. Is there a local church which you attend? Could you seek counsel from your pastor? or perhaps a ladies' group? My doctor was great and realized my struggle with depression and kept working until I had the right prescription medication. Have you talked with your doctor? I have a condition with my thyroid of which depression is a symptom. Perhaps you have a medical issue as well that when treated may ease your depression as well. Have you talked with your family about how you need support? Sometimes we think they won't listen, but sometimes it helps them to understand. If you'd like for me to share some information which has been helpful to me, let me know.

[JoanyAnne357 in reply to debbiegk]

I'm not religious. I've tried to talk to my son and my dad, to no avail. I just started seeing a therapist last week. I hope she can help me. I have fibromyalgia, hypothyroidism, asthma and GERD so I have care for those symptoms. I'd like to thank you for making me feel not alone, and for all of your suggestions.

[debbiegk in reply to JoanyAnne357]

You are very welcome. I'm sorry your family is not understanding of your situation. I am praying that after you are treated for these other issues, you will begin to feel better. Again, if you like additional resources, let me know.

[Hidden]

I have agrophobia too and it really sucks! You're not a loser. You've said yourself that there wasn't any positivity in your childhood. Children need positivity...they need to feel loved, not put down. I've often questioned why I have agrophobia....I know I'd sure like to improve it. Can't you get some help from your local mental health? Good luck

[JoanyAnne357 in reply to Hidden]

I just started seeing a therapist last week. My second appointment is tom. Thank you!!

[Want2BHappy3]

Don't mean to be rough, but you're son being disrespectful is your fault because you allow it. Tell him if he doesn't Stop, he has to move out. Follow through, call the police if you need to. That will get his attention.

[JoanyAnne357 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

My dad would never allow me to call the police on my son. It's my dads house and he would freak out at me, if not kick me out

[gogogirl in reply to JoanyAnne357]

Can YOU move out then and leave the son with your dad? You are not a failure- you are human. It took me a long time to tell myself that. It's a process.

[JoanyAnne357 in reply to gogogirl]

I don't have the money right now. You're right about it being a process. Thanks!!

[gogogirl in reply to JoanyAnne357]

Sorry about that. I hope you find a way to work this out. Glad you reached out. I know at various times in my life what going through some tough monetary times were. I hope times get better, and you and your family can find a way to work this out better.

[JoanyAnne357 in reply to gogogirl]

Thank you!!

[Want2BHappy3]

Then speak to a therapist on how to deal with this. Or move out. Too bad you don't have support from your dad.