I want to die, why is suicide illegal? I'm obsessed thinking about it like every hour of every day. Meds and therapy aren't helping whatsoever, but my psychiatrist and therapist both say it's going to take more time, be patient. I feel like it's OK to want to die if a person like me is 'over it', truly can't hang anymore, have nothing to live for and feel hopeless all day. I don't want to live each day being bi-polar with manic/depression, RLS, PTSD, endless awful thoughts, guilt, paranoia, regret, and anxiety anymore. I should be allowed to end my life or go to a hospital and be euthanized. Yes, I've heard and know how selfish and painful suicide is for our loved ones a million times, I get it, but friends and family who haven't been in my (or our) shoes don't understand what this feels like and the hopeless recovery I'd rather not battle any longer. Maybe family and friends should try to understand and grasp the idea that's it's 'my choice'. Life's not fair I know, but it's not selfish, it's my life and I've been here for 40years now and I really don't see how this is ever going to get better. I'm exhausted, this is no quality of life and there really is no way to repair how I got here, or the horrible choices I made or the people I have hurt and the relationships I have destroyed along the way. Maybe I should be 5150'd again for a much longer time, then I can be monitored and put through more trials of meds and not be at home feeling so hopeless? I have told my psychiatrist and therapist that I think about suicide and wanting to die all the time. I really am alone, I believe that sometimes in death there is light and peace for me and some of us. I also know a million people will disagree and say that I'm crazy and things can and will get better with time and patience.. But come on now, how much more time and patience and meds and therapy and blah blah blah, I'm over it and I'm ready to look death in the eye. I'm helpless and hopeless, should I really I feel bad or have to apologize for that?!?