Losing Hope in Living Normally

[StereotypicalPisces]

I finally worked up the nerve and got my drive back to go to college online and start a part time job. I had finally stopped needing Xanax for months until I started working again and got diagnosed with acid reflux that makes me feel really sick and triggers my anxiety. I don’t see the GI until Wednesday but my primary care gave me Nexium, then Prevacid to try with Carafate. But I find myself still nauseated with acid sitting at my throat by the middle of the day making it hard to work. I’ve started having panic attacks again. Now I’m thinking starting over was a bad idea. I had a panic attack while trying to leave work and ending up with my dad having to pick me up and my aunt driving my car home. I don’t want to lose my independence again.

I was supposed to be scheduled around 20 hours a week but lately it’s been around 36-39 hours and I feel exhausted every single day and I’m scared to eat and it’s hard for me to wind down at the end of the day and in the mornings I feel panicked because I’m scared of feeling sick at work either from panicking and needing to hide or go home or nausea from acid reflux. It also doesn’t help that the air conditioning at the store I work at isn’t properly functioning and even customers complain about the heat. I’m depressed because I feel like I’m going to end up quitting and feeling like a failure.

I feel like I took 2 steps forward and finally was able to wean off anxiety meds (with doctors advice) just to get a job that stresses me to the point where I need to take those meds again and even more meds for the acid reflux I’ve developed this time around. I’m always tired and I finally have a friend that wants to go out and do things but I’m too tired and feel too sick to go out to eat or do anything. Especially with my panic attacks back. I just need some encouragement. I don’t know what to do. But I hate my life and how I feel. I’d hate to have to miss out on great opportunities while I’m young because I’m so scared all the time. I feel like a weak person every time I end up in a panic and have to take a Xanax.

[Juliagail]

Hi. I’m 48 yrs old and 20 years ago I felt meds were temporary and that I was weak for taking them. It took a while but I now realize they are for life. I don’t take anti anxiety meds unless needed but it’s probably 50% of the time and is absolutely an essential part of me. It’s okay. Whatever you need for some peace is okay. I don’t think you should add the anxiety of trying to figure out right vrs wrong and just figure out what makes you feel better. And I hope it doesn’t take you 20 years to figure things out like it did me. 😌