Need Some Advice: Hello all. I'm 5... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support
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Need Some Advice


Hello all.

I'm 50 years-old and have many debilitating illnesses; both medical and mental health alike. I've been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder, ADHD, Bi-Polar Disorder, Border-Line Personality Disorder, OCD, and PTSD; to name some. I've been at this since 1983, with 3 hospitalizations and 1 outpatient day therapy under my belt. I take an upwards of 30 medications, only 4 or 5 are for mental health concerns. I've attended Dialectic Behavioral Therapy classes twice. I've not found many of the lessons to be something that I don't already know. Even though I live in a highly populated area, there aren't any support groups that address anxiety. My boyfriend who is 15 years my junior, and 22 year-old son, live with me. They are the only ones I can turn to for support, aside from my doctors, psychiatrist, caseworker, and therapist. However, my current home-life isn't healthy, or stable. We live in a pricey apartment on 2 Social Security incomes (my son and myself) and a part-time job (my boyfriend). I have a car that is pricey to pay for as well. To sum it up we're in over our heads. My lease doesn't expire until September. I cannot afford, financially, to live on my own. My doctors, including my psychiatrist, do not want me to work. I did tell my psychiatrist I needed the money and he told me I could only work part-time from home. My anxiety is so bad that I cannot leave the house for very long. I have decided to finish up college by taking online classes at a 4- year college in IL, and hope to graduate by Fall of 2019 with my Bachelor's Degree in Communication Organizations. I feel this is the only positive direction I'm going in. Since I'm isolated I have no friends, no one to talk to, and no support system to help me through all that I have going on. I'm hoping this website would help gain exposure socially. I volunteered to write, ironically, for the Anxiety in Teens online magazine. I'm trying to distract myself from focusing on my anxiety. I would like to ask if you know of any way I can resolve my current living situation...if I could, I'd get my own apartment, if I could afford it and be able to keep my car as well. (I have vertigo, so I need my car.) But the biggest barrier of all is my anxiety. Moving forward, my son has Asperger's Syndrome and even though I'm cussed out daily, I feel I cannot abandon him. He won't allow me to teach him life skills and won't take the initiative to help himself, or work on family chores; so I end up doing it all. I told him I would secure an apartment in town for him, and he wouldn't have to do a thing. They'd cook his meals, help him with laundry, help him clean his apartment, but he doesn't want to leave me. Then, my boyfriend feels all he needs to do is work part-time, if that at all, and not anything else. He spends the household money on medical cannabis (for which I'm prescribed to, but don't use), instead of bills, so I'm having to use my student loans to compensate for the money he spends and the little money he brings home. He feels he doesn't have to complete chores, cook, or do anything else aside from playing video games. He also cusses at me, and pressures me into doing things I don't want to do. He was abandoned at age 1 by his mom and his father died when he was 7. I found his mom after searching for 8 years. He found out he has 3 sisters and 1 half-brother also. However, his mom isn't all there and his sisters were abandoned too, so they have multiple issues. I don't want abandon him like he had been before. He doesn't know anyone, he has Scheuermann's Disease, and he's never been on his own (not independent, has never paid a bill). So I'm raising 2 children. My boyfriend is violent and my son has a temper. I've called the police several times on my boyfriend. A few years ago he overdosed on alcohol, died, and was resuscitated. I've saved him from many situations over the years. He broke 5 doors, my grandmother's rocking chair, and a multitude of other items. Ironically he is causing me anxiety, but after 8 years of being in this situation it's become so commonplace I'm afraid for this living situation to change. I'm overly anxious that they both might leave, then I would be alone and my anxiety will cause me to lose it. It's called co-dependence, but each of us needs something from the other. Does anyone know any other places to find support or have ideas? If my anxiety is reduced greatly, I can focus on making changes; I really need friends and support. Sorry for droning on, but really need an ear or two.

1 Reply

Hi Melissa1568!

I’m so glad you’re here sharing your feelings and looking for some advice! First of all, I think most people need a partner that will at least meet us halfway. Do you think you’re more of a Mother figure to him? I don’t know about that situation...I couldn’t tolerate his treatment of me, especially adding that fact to his low level of contribution to the family. It might be time to muster up the courage to break free.

My greatest help is obtained through seeking spiritual growth. This helps me more than anything else I do or take. I wouldn’t want to offend anyone, so message me if you’d like to talk further about the heavenly topic! Sending you hugs! Take care!

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