I've been spiraling down for a while. I can't seem to stop it. I have no energy, no motivation, and in all honesty, I'm barely functioning. And no one knows. I used to have a few people that I could talk to, but no more.
I'm no longer crying. I've accepted things. And I'm scared.
Hey Oliver 1970,
Believe me, I know what you’re going through. It’s like trying to stop a tank with a handgun. I also have very few people to talk to. What happened to the few people you were able to talk to?
I've isolated for too long. I think that I realized what a burden I am on the few friends I had, so for the past few years, I've smiled and laughed outwardly, and dealt with things as best I could.I haven't even been on HU for a few years.
I've built an imaginary life that seems so normal. This evening, I spoke to my neighbor, smiling and being normal, then closed the door, and I broke. I had no one to turn too, and no one I could call.
Hi Oliver1970,
You can talk to me anytime. I've also been isolated for years and have no one to talk to. It's just so hard I know. Everyday I go through the motions of life... I do all the things I should and then sit and think about what I want to do but don't do any of it.
Thank you for your kindness. I am hanging on by a thread right now. I am also in a semi-functional freeze, but I seem to have lost the ability (or desire) to do even the things that I need to, much less find any joy. At this point, it seems only a means of prolonging a life I don't want.
Sorry for the delay in responding, I was doing a survey lol... I do them for gift cards to buy stuff... like I need more stuff. lol again. I understand how you feel, really I do because that's how I feel most everyday or night as it is... I cannot remember the last time I felt joy! Years or more... Please keep a tight hold on that thread! Everyone here cares about you!
I know, because I am the same, that most people here on HU, understand the depth of despair. I joined HU several years ago for that reason. I'm just so tired... physically and mentally. I've reached a point of acceptance and that scares me.
Me too. I feel numb is the best way for me to describe what I am feeling and have for a long time.
I noticed you have berries for your avatar, do you like to cook?
The avatar was assigned. I wish I could feel numb. I feel broken, sad.
I feel numb but there is a lot of pain and sadness under it. Guess I have just gotten so used to the pain and sadness I have become numb to it...
Oliver1970, it's been 3 years since you were last here. We have always been here
waiting to help. We can only sweep so much of our problems under the carpet before
this big mound of the past starts to show. Preventing us from cleaning up because now
it seems too overwhelming and so we try to make the best of it.
Well, push has now come to shove and it's time for Oliver to start working on himself.
You are never a burden to HU. We extend our hands to help you clean up the lump in
the carpet.. Leaning on us can help motivate you a little at a time. Once you see some
progress, things will get easier for you. One small step at a time leads to bigger and
more successful steps forward.
I believe in you and what you can achieve. We're behind you in this. Don't try to take
this on yourself. We understand and are ready to walk the walk with you 
xx
Agora, there were a few people that I never forgot, and you were one of them. Yesterday became very desperate for me, and I came here to see if I could find some kindness. I wasn't disappointed.I'm still in a very bad place mentally and suicidal ideation has set in.
In the past I always fought but now seem to accept it, and it scares me.
Thank you for the kind words. I hope I don't disappoint anyone. I remember the days when a member was lost. I'm doing my best.
Oliver, this forum isn't about you or anyone else disappointing us but is about keeping
you safe. As we are not doctors or therapists, there is only so much we can do.
Do you have a doctor overseeing you right now? Medication? Therapy? Is there
someone with you who could take you for help if need be? I know these are a lot
of questions. It sounds like you accepting the situation may be a form of giving up
in your mind. You are in a difficult situation right now in how you are feeling.
I feel you need to reach out for professional help. We will certainly stand beside you.
Our job is to keep you safe and let you know that you are not alone Oliver.
Please keep us updated on what you plan to do. Do you still feel as desperate as
you did last night?? We all care about each other in this community. Don't be
hesitant to reach out. xx
Agora, I have been through and done all of the above many times. I am on medication and have been for many years. But I don't know how to be open and not trigger others, so I can't be as open and honest as I probably need to be. I no longer know which direction to turn and ultimately ended up here again.
Oliver, I too remember being in that maze looking for a way to escape my anxiety.
Each turn I would take would only lead to another blockage and I would have to go
back and try another route out. I use to feel like a mouse caught in this maze looking
for the way out. Pretty sad when I saw the frustration in my psychiatrist's eyes as
he no longer knew what to tell me. It was then and only then did I know that I had
to save myself and that I would and I could find my way out eventually.
Never give up. Even if doors close behind you, know that you and only you have
the key that eventually will fit the lock of the door to escape. We're always here
for you. I'm glad you are here with us once again. xx
I’m exhausted 
I'm really struggling right now, exhausted.
I’m exhausted 
I’m Exhausted
Exhausted
