Needing some advice about spouse with depression and anxiety!

[Findingnature]

Hi everyone. I'm new, but I was told this was a great place for spouses of people who suffer from anxiety and depression to talk about their journey.

A little background: My husband sees a doctor for his anxiety and depression and she is aware of the severe issues he is having. I don't have anyone to talk to about this because he keeps it secret from his family. I can't share my feelings or ask help online unless it's under a different name because his family are my friends online.

My husband has been getting triggered pretty bad for the last few weeks and with each attack, it's getting harder and harder for me to keep being supportive. He gets so angry with himself and with everything around him. He's had to miss work, which they have NOT been supportive of him, which only adds to the issues. I try everything I can to be there for him, but after it's all over and he says he's feeling better, I feel like I've like I'm been beaten up. My mental health is suffering really bad.

Which is the reason why I'm writing this. My husband had a really bad attack today and he had to come home from work early. He spend most of his day texting all these messages that just kept raising my blood pressure because I knew what was coming. And I would be the one dealing with the aftermath. Nothing I could do or say would calm him. I felt so helpless and when it was all over a little while ago, I withdrew because I knew I was reaching a breaking point. I was crying and shaking. I really needed to get myself centered and I did, but he took it as that I was angry with him, calming that I don't care about his feelings, and he broke down crying. I felt so angry at myself and him. Angry that I made him feel that way, but also angry at him because I needed him to understand how much I was suffering.

Am I only hurting him by trying to tell him how much this is effecting me because I seem to only make it worse when I do? Thank you all for allowing me to get that out.

[RupertBrown]

I am in the same boat, though I have my own issues as well. What you said about being angry at him and yourself really hit home with me. I've lost count of how many times I felt that way. Wish I had some constructive advice to offer, but I definitely know where you're coming from. The only thing I have found that helps is to just try to stay ahead of it. Schedule regular self care time, time just for you, so that you can approach these situations from a stronger position. I know it's not much, but if nothing else I get it. Sending peace and strength.

[Findingnature in reply to RupertBrown]

Thank you. I really appreciate it. Same to you.

[LifeIsThePitts]

bespoketreatment.com/las-ve...

Have you looked into TMS treatment? This is the only thing that has helped me. I've been going for 14 months. But I pay 100% out of pocket for my treatment. $9000+ since starting. Check your insurance for coverage in your state or city.

I included the clinic website that I go to for you to get some baseline information about Ketamine infusions and the various types of TMS treatments available. I do Theta Burst TMS and had 2 Ketamine infusions prior to starting the 36 session series of TMS.

I'm almost 49 yo. Been suffering with mental health depression anxiety and a BUNCH of related issues since my teens. Until last year I was your husband.

I've finally gotten my life back. My symptoms remain in remission with TMS which is something I never thought possible in a million years!!

Please ask me ANYTHING. I want to help as many people as possible. I take zero psyche meds, OTC meds or Rx meds. I use medical marijuana daily. I'm in Nevada, a recreational state. I microdose psilocybin mushrooms when I'm in a slump.

Remission can be achieved. You don't have to keep suffering.

[Findingnature in reply to LifeIsThePitts]

I will look into it. Thank you so much for your advice.

[designguy]

You might check out your local NAMI Chapter, they have support groups for those with mental health issues and also for spouses/family members with members who have mental health issues. He might also find medication helpful from his doctor if he isn't taking anything. I found Klonopin particularly helpful. The other thing is that I found most therapists and even doctors don't really know about how to deal with anxiety. The reality is that anxiety is a paradox and the more you fight and resist it the more it persists so you have to learn to surrender, allow it and let it flow through you and then it will dissipate. I suggest you have him get the DARE Anxiety book and watch the youtube videos about how to constructively deal and heal with it. Another good resource is the website/youtube videos of Paige Pradko. The other thing is for you to try to not let yourself get triggered by him, he has to learn how to deal with it and feel safe in his own body. It's also very common in the beginning to get angry and frustrated at oneself about having the anxiety and not being able to "get over it" but all it does is maintain the anxiety, the solution is learning to understand it, accept it which leads to no longer fearing it.