Need some support and advice - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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Need some support and advice

bina483 profile image

Hi everyone. I’m just reaching out right now for any support or advice anyone can give. I’m struggling really bad in what most would call an abusive relationship. I don’t want to go into so much detail about that because it would take too long to type. However, I’m considering leaving. I’ve been with this man for 3 1/2 years and it just keeps getting worse and worse. Everyday everything gets blamed on me. I try and try and try and nothing works to make anything better. Then this morning I look on his phone, which I know is a violation of privacy and not acceptable for me to do. And I wish I hadn’t now. I saw messages to an ex girlfriend saying how much he loves her still and also messages with another girl which he lied about to me. This hurts my heart so much. especially since I have made this mistake before, in reaching out to an ex boyfriend. And when he found out he lost his mind. I know it’s not acceptable for him to do the same to me but if I ever brought it up he’d find a way to turn it around on me.

So instead I’m considering leaving. I don’t have anywhere to go besides moving states away and I don’t have any money saved up to get my own place. I at least have a car. I feel kind of silly typing this, but I really just need some support.

15 Replies

Can you drive states away to live with family or friends? I’m so sorry you are going through this difficult time Bina

bina483 profile image
bina483 in reply to Starrlight

Yes I could and go be with a friend. I should have mentioned I have tried to leave before and it got very emotional and bad. And so I’ve always came back when I’ve left. I don’t know how I could possibly pack my things and leave because he is always home and there is no talking about it.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to bina483

Can you just pack while he’s there? Can you just tell him you are leaving? What do you think would happen if you tried this?

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to bina483

We are here to support you no matter what you decide to do ((((((hug)))))

You are right you need to leave, he is bad news and it’s sounds like he’s gaslighting (a form of emotional abuse). I agree with Starrlight, if you have friends or family you can drive to and stay with them until you sort something out? If not look up if there are any places that help with women suffering with abuse, they can sometimes have places to stay.

bina483 profile image
bina483 in reply to

Thank you. I responded a little more to the other comment up above, it’s just really complicated to leave. He’s always home and never goes anywhere without me. So trying to pack a bag to even leave for the weekend seems out of the question. I feel so stuck.

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply to bina483

How about saying a family member or friend is very sick and you need to go and look after them? The other option is to leave when he is asleep? Another option is to go food/clothes shopping (pack as much stuff beforehand in your car that you can) and just go and don't go back no matter how much you miss him or fall for 'I'm sorry and will change' etc. He isn't sorry and won't change! I agree with the others that he is emotionally abusive and you need to leave before he grinds you down so much that you can't leave.

in reply to bina483

That’s a really complicated situation. What happens if you say you are going to leave him or try to leave?

There are women's shelters for this. right?

they are called - the safe house, or at least that is what they are called in my area.

3 years is quite a long time and it seems like it’s difficult to leave because you placed all your eggs in one basket? I’m sorry you are feeling this pain and betrayal from someone you’re with. Your partner should be your safe haven, not someone who makes you question your worth especially in a time where everything is unstable and uncertain

I can tell you from experience. I was in a very abusive marriage. I met him when I was 20. Had my first born when I was almost 22. We married after I got pregnant. I can tell you many people gave me advice on leaving. I did leave a few times ( went and staied at the local safe house ) I recommend if you do not know their local number you need to search for it and keep it with you. It wasn't until I was ready to leave and until I was strong enough to leave, for me to leave and not return to him, And yes I had a small son to take care of. I did it. I am now just shy of turning 49. You can do this. There are support groups that help you when you are ready. I wish you much luck and a safe life. You may seem like you are all alone. But you are not.

Does he want you to leave? Sounds like he is already emotionally invested with an ex. I'm very sorry you are going through this Bina483. Things will get better. Make a choice, a change. You deserve better

Oh my gosh, my heart is with you. What state do you live or where are you trying to go? Maybe we could look it up for you and help You find somewhere to go. I would

Offer you a place here but that would be strange because we don’t know each other. Although if you really need to get out there I would help you. There is nothing safe about your situation. Either way you will end up hurt, physically or mentally so I really, really pray for you to have strength. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling but I know it must cause you so much pain and confusion. Omg I really want to help you. This is just absolutely awful. I hate how people can do this to others.

My heart goes out to you. I do empathize with your situation. Please look after yourself and know that the sooner you get out of this relationship that does not serve you, the better. It will only become more difficult, and unhealthy for you. Try to make a plan for yourself to leave as safely and comfortably as possible. Also remember, feeling fear and anxiety over the breakup or being on your own is likely much easier now, I’m assuming with no children and after 3.5 years, than with kids after 10-20. I’m sorry, I know it’s tough and scary, but try to put your future happiness first.

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