I need some advice...

[Bay123]

I recently accepted that my anxiety has gotten out of control and I have been depressed the last year. When I first went to the doctor a month ago I downplayed everything to my family because I didn't want to burden anyone. The past month I have made some huge lifestyle changes to take care of myself but my ability to cope changes so much day to day and I really need my husband to understand what is going on. As far as he knows, I have horrible anxiety and am just really stressed. The reality is my anxiety is so consuming I have been depressed and am having fleeting thoughts of suicide. He gets frustrated on my bad days and tries to help but he has no idea whats going on in my head. I need to tell him but I don't want it to be some big dramatic confession or for him to be overly concerned. I have no plan to commit suicide and don't think it will get worse than this. I just need the people around me to understand that some days the negative thoughts are a little more difficult to push out because the stress of trying to keeping everyone else happy only makes me more anxious. Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you tell loved ones?

[jkl5500]

I'm not a doctor, but my advice is to be completely honest with everyone in your family. The more they know about your situation, the better they can understand it and be supportive. In my opinion, trying to hide it is a bad choice. They probably know that something's wrong anyhow. I suggest you play it straight with them. You'll be relieved, and they will too, because everything will be out in the open.

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to jkl5500]

I have a huge family. Some people in my family have not earned the right to know my story. They are no different than anyone else. I am precious and my journey is mine. People earn my story and my heart; family or not. I trust that I will have to earn the people who are worthy to have. My own brother knows nothing about me. He’s a narcissist and I don’t need to be the brunt of his jokes at Christmas. I’m too old to punch out someone’s teeth and it will upset my dad. DNA does not give them family status. I have intentional family. Some are not DNA related. I also don’t need to spread the ptsd around. I guess we handle it this way because of 6 uncles out of Vietnam. Need to know basis.

If it works for your style family I’m happy for you. 💛

[Jack112288 in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

I love how you worded your post BEAUTIFUL a good way to break things down

[jkl5500 in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

I should have been more precise in my wording. I meant for her to be honest with her husband and children that live with her on a daily basis. I didn't mean telling every relative that she has! I wouldn't do that either.

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to jkl5500]

Gotcha!

[Bay123 in reply to jkl5500]

I know honesty is always the best route. I didn't even mean to leave things out originally. I just never thought I was feeling depression. Even with my anxiety I have always been a happy person. It all just got out of control and I was in denial.

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to Bay123]

I hid my denial/depression/anxiety in being a workaholic. Lots of us do it somehow. It’s a coping mechanism until you realize you aren’t doing yourself any favors.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Tell him just like you told us. That was perfect. I just blurt stuff out so we don’t need to go into my ways. I failed the tact and caring class. Have him read what you just wrote. It’s perfect. Best of luck to you and I’m so sorry it’s getting to this point. Thankfully it can get better. 💛

[Bay123 in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

It never comes out how I rehearse it in my head. Haha! Maybe just reading it would be best.

[Jack112288]

It’s hard to open up 100% to family even your partner I honestly feel like people that doesn’t have anxiety and depression will never under how we feel or what we go through some people think it’s a switch you can turn it on and off when you want too but it’s not easy at all I pray for you I wish you nothing but the best even on my worst days I try to keep busy and not let my mind wonder so much maybe you can do the same I’m starting to watch series on Netflix do a little more cleaning or reading that helps and maybe it will help you out as well I’m here if you wanna talk

[Bay123 in reply to Jack112288]

The thing you said about the switch is exactly the words I have been looking for! Everyone's advice is always "just stop thinking negatively". My brain is in a constant fight over logic and anxiety. Like I know this thought is ridiculous and probably not true but I cant help but be afraid. I feel really good when I go hiking. It helps clear the stress. Do you ever have trouble just starting doing something? Sometimes I get so much brain fog I cant even start anything.

[Jack112288 in reply to Bay123]

Yes my mind is my worst enemy at times so when a negative thought cross my mind I try to think of a song funny movie or think happy thoughts it sounds crazy but it helps I walk a lot that also helps me I always get sidetracked when I’m about to start something it slips my mind fast and I finally catch back on to what I’m about to start it’s easy for people to say stop thinking like that when they don’t live it but I also hear “ it’s your thought you can control them depression and anxiety isn’t real it’s all in your mind”

[Bay123 in reply to Jack112288]

Its not crazy! I just started this so idk how well its going to work but I have this notebook that I am writing every good thing that happens everyday. Then when I am feeling overwhelmed I can go read it. It helped a little bit today.

[Jack112288 in reply to Bay123]

I write as well sometimes I do I’ll rather talk lol I talk a lot I just keep my problems to myself because I feel like no one fully understands me and how I’m feeling or what I’m going through

[Bay123 in reply to Jack112288]

No one can experience exactly what you are going through but I do think people can pull their own experiences to empathize. I am trying to be more open about everything and its awkward at times but I think its best. I talked to my husband last night and it went really well. Obviously he doesn't know what I am going through but he was really receptive and asked what I need him to do to help me.

[Jack112288 in reply to Bay123]

That’s good that’s really good you have someone who’s willing to help you when things become hard just keep talking to him about it and I wish y’all the best

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Here’s a good technique to force your brain to positive pathways. Get a journal. Every day write down three words you like and bring positive feelings across one line to make columns. My first three were dog, yellow, dirigible. (I just like that word.)

Each morning write three words under each one of these so you end up with long columns of words. Use the dictionary if you have brain fog.

In the evening before rest/sleep read one entire column of your feel good words out loud. Make your ears hear your voice. We’re activating a bunch of brain cells in different areas here.

Now rest. With time the things that you focus on will be words/things from your columns.

It takes 30 days to make a habit on average. It took me 45.

Peace and blessings to everyone🙏💛

[Bay123 in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

I recently doing something very similar right now and I think it is a good start! I carry a journal around all day and whenever something good happens I write it down. I read it every morning. Luckily even with my anxiety I have always been pretty good at seeing the positive in life. The negative is just always there too. I am so glad that it is working for you! Even more reason for me to keep it up!

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to Bay123]

Well done! I could try what you’re doing too. Thanks!

[R0SEN]

Dear Bay123

As I was reading your post 2 things came to mind. Firstly what you explained is so relatable to me - I have been in that situation - where your own boundary ends and other family members boundary begins - gets confused. It is common for me to think about other people over and above my own needs but I have learnt to correct that way of thinking more and more. Basically what I now feel about other people's feelings is that they are responsible for dealing with theirs as I am responsible for mine so I worry less about how someone else may feel about my condition and instead help them understand what I need and how they can help or at least what they can stop doing that makes me feel worse. So my second though was basically in that vane, that what you have written in your post you can actually either say or write to your nearest and dearest to help them understand and to know how to help more and hinder less. That will enable you to function better and be able to give back in the relationship - so it becomes a balance between what you need and what the other half needs.