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[Rayhashope97]

Hello everyone. I'm Ray and I think I experience anxiety and depression. I'm constantly worried about any and everything and it gets to a point where I shut down. My chest gets tight, I get a pounding headache in my forehead and behind my eyes. I burst into tears and it feels like it'll last forever, or sometimes I go numb and feel an emptiness. Afterwards I become very tired and lethargic. I can't explain to my friends and family what exactly is wrong, and even when I know what's wrong I'm afraid to express myself because I know that what ever is bothering isn't considered a big deal to them or others, so I suffer in silence. I feel embarrassed when my day is ruined by a small mistake I made, or that I struggle with letting difficult confrontations go. My mind makes me fixate on them which leads me to sink into every memory of every failure and then my mind will create scenarios just to figure out how I would fail in them. I also tend to find myself in a comparison frenzy, comparing my life with others around me and when I come to a realization (or what my mind concludes anyway) that I am bad or wrong for not handling stress well (or something as simple as answering a phone call), I feel guilty and feel like I'm a failure at existing. I've been trying to seek help, but I'm finding it overwhelming because I'm fixated on a worrying thought that when I reach out I will just be told that my anxiety isn't real and that most of my problems here because I'm weak and incapable of dealing with regular life. (I've sat at this computer for 2 hours typing and retyping, but never hitting post...I am afraid even though I know I'm writing to a support community. If you've read all of this, Thank you so much.)

[littleturtle]

I feel this way. I go to therapy. When I first started going I thought it was on me like that I was bringing this condition on myself and that if I tried really hard I could make it go away. My therapist finally got through to me and now I’m on medication (not trying to scare you) another thing my therapist told me is that no matter what is going I’m still perceiving pain regardless of if other people would perceive it that way. She told me that because I told her I hate going to the doctor because they never find anything and make me feel like I’m making it up. I think if you feel like you need help then you might as well try seeing someone, they might surprise you with the advice they give you. Family and friends are difficult. I still keep most things to myself as well. But that’s why I like having a thereapist because now I have at least one place I can be safe and honest and expressive with no judgment. I hope you start feeling better soon. Thanks for posting

[Rayhashope97 in reply to littleturtle]

Hey thank you so much fro responding I'm currently on the search for a therapist and even that is scary me. I can totally understand your frustration when it comes to doctor that think your pain isn't real. It makes it hard to put your health concerns into someone else's hands when you don't feel validated. I hope your doctor has become more open minded or that you find another doctor who is. I'm glad your therapist is working out for you. Crossing fingers I find someone for me too. Thanks again

[littleturtle in reply to Rayhashope97]

Finding a therapist is a huge first step. You should be proud of yourself! Best of luck and let us know how it goes

[Melissa1568]

Hi Ray. I've experienced the same symptoms of an anxiety attack as well. You're not alone. Yes, it's difficult to get past the mindset that everyone will think you're crazy, or say "it's all in your head", but you'd be surprised to learn just how many people you know, also secretly suffer from anxiety. I was diagnosed at age 15, in 1983. I've been hospitalized 3 times, and have attended day hospital on an outpatient basis once. My anxiety has been truly debilitating, and has caused many additional health concerns; both mentally and physically. I was approved for Social Security benefits in 2001. I'm not sure what steps you've taken to address your anxiety? It's always good to get online and find a psychiatrist in your area. Read his or her bio and see their area of specialty, tenure, and reviews. After securing a doctor, find a good therapist (you can try using the the same tactic you did to find your psychiatrist.) Sometimes the office where your psychiatrist is located will offer therapy. You can ask or talk about anxiety medications with your psychiatrist. After all of these boxes are ticked, or during, you can look for local support groups. Do you have any coping mechanisms? Painting, music, books, relaxation cds, journals, pets, walks, etc.? You may find those to be soothing. Maybe finding a focal point within the room you're in, or a "pet rock" you can paint, a picture to take with you anywhere for comfort, all might help you find something else to focus on. I pet the cats and talk to them and I'm tactile, so touching something soft or running water all calm me. Even at 50 years old, I still play video games online with other people, and I research on my pc. I also have plants I tend to, and because it's hard to adapt to change I have a routine. There are self-help workbooks who can guide and inform you, and there are a ton of books about anxiety which may offer resources in them. I also volunteered recently to write for Anxiety in Teens online magazine. I'm hoping my experiences can help them. Reading other peoples' articles and replies is productive. I am taking online classes at a 4 year college in IL, and hope to graduate with my Bachelor's Degree in Communication Organizations in the Fall of 2019. My doctors rather I don't work, but SSA doesn't pay too much, so I told my psychiatrist I need to work. He said only from home, and only part-time. Since I don't really have friends, and isolate quite a bit, I depend on my son and boyfriend to help me. I do venture out to appointments and push myself to go to the store, so I'm working on it. I'm also trying to find social groups on Meetup. (Painting, music, dancing, etc.) My communication classes have helped me to interact socially in a healthy light. I keep trying. Keep looking for resources. I'm not sure how old you are, or if the anxiety has prevented you from working. There is help. If you need me to help find you resources, let me know. Keep your chin up. If you do find a psychiatrist, ask for him or her to prescribe "Biofeedback" for you. It will really help you learn to control your anxiety.

[Rayhashope97 in reply to Melissa1568]

Hello Melissa thanks a lot for responding. I've recently reached out to a few therapists this morning, I'm a quite nervous about it. I do work but my anxiety it is effecting me at the workplace. There are times where I'll have an anxiety attack before work, sometimes it gets so bad that I call out. Or I'll even hide in the bathroom for long periods at a time. I haven't really found the root of that but I think it's because I'm not where I want to be in live yet, but I'm only 20 (I turn 21 next Friday) so I try to cut myself some slack, which is so hard for me to do. I guess I've set some unrealistic standards for myself. I've found that meditation helps me settle down when I have these feelings, I use the apps, Simple Habit and Headspace and I try my best to meditate as soon as the feelings arise. Do you have any books that you would recommend? I also read articles from an app called Shine they highlight reads from different people that talk about how to overcome stresses of life and things about gratitude, it's very inspirational. Congrats on you getting your degree, what do you plan to do as far as working from part time from home? And I try to venture out socially too I've been going to a dance class every Wednesday and it's very liberating. It gets difficult to do more of what I want because I don't make enough money. I would like to take art and acting classes, I think that would help me redirect my attention when something happens. I'll definitely make a note of Biofeedback to my therapist when I find one. Thank you so much!

[LadyO4]

Hi Ray - Thank you so much for letting me in on what you are dealing with. I read your post and it made me think of the many times over the years where I struggled with anxiety and depression. I know what it feels like. Every once in a while, even now, I'll have a situation that gets me all worked up, but overall, the intensity of feeling that way has left my life.

I honestly think much of what I experienced was due to my genetic inheritance and home environment. I was born predisposed to chemical and hormonal imbalances, which explains the internal struggles and battles that gripped me during my growing up years. Add to the fact that both my parents were miserable people, bipolar, full of anger and bitterness in their marriage, and avoided fostering all relationships, including the ones with their seven children. It took me over 50 years before I truly learned all the factors that caused me to feel like such an emotional cripple and influenced the person I had become.

Sorting through these things takes time, and it sounds as though you have given every last effort to figure out how to manage these frightful feelings. My research shows me that finding out the root cause of the anxiety and depression allows a person to focus in on treating that specific aspect of the problem. For example, some reasons why a person can become so fearful and subconsciously angry at themselves can be from;

how they were born, personality type, being compared to others, inferiority, rejection, medications, death, grief. loss, hormonal imbalance, chemical imbalance, low self-esteem, unmet expectations, judgements, getting berated or feelings of condemnation, low self-worth, worthlessness, poor diet, compromised life-style, nutrition deficiencies, always searching for that emotional connection, unforgiveness, bitterness, despair, being a perfectionist, phobias, loneliness, confusion, etc.

Can you put your finger on what has contributed to your feelings? Once a person understands how their mind, body, soul, and spirit all overlap and affect each other, they stand a better chance of looking at the bigger picture and seeing which components are the culprits. Once that has been determined, a therapist or Christian counselor can walk them through each compartment of their lives to get a proper diagnosis of what triggers the anxiety and depression. I did all this, and without proper knowledge of what I just mentioned, I'd still be as lost now as I was way back then. I needed some serious help and I got it. A well renowned psychologist once said, "You don't become the best version of who you are by yourself." (Dr. James Dobson) We need the right kind of people to lean on, to teach us, and educate us.

There are a few things you can do on your own and in your own time. For starters, pay attention to increasing your levels of serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, which are neurotransmitters and considered the "feel-good" hormones in our bodies. Exercise will do this. Exercise will cause a person's body to increase its sensitivity to endorphins and stimulates production of norepinephrine.

Pay careful attention to your diet. Eliminate all sugar, alcohol, processed foods, and chemical laden foods. There are certain foods considered to be precursors for serotonin, such as, tryptophan, which is found in turkey. Be sure to add fresh foods instead of packaged foods. Other foods that increase available serotonin and norepinephrine

are fish, low-fat dairy, whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, and lean meats.

The endocrine system is very sensitive and fragile, and it doesn't take much for it to become off balance. Be careful of foods and skin products that contain hormone disruptors

.

Nothing is more debilitating to the human soul than the loss of hope. My hope and prayer for you is that God will lead you to the answers you seek, and will be your strength in your time of need. Thank you for letting me share my thoughts, and if you'd like to talk more, feel free.

[Rayhashope97 in reply to LadyO4]

Hello good morning. I appreciate you going into detail about underlying factors that contribute to anxiety. I think the environment I grew up in is a factor but I’m not sure in what ways just yet. And a lot of my life I have felt rejected by people in my life. Especially when I went to middle school my self-esteem dropped SIGNIFICANTLY. There was a moment where people thought I was a mute because I just wanted to be that invisible, that I didn’t speak. School at time and following through high school was kinda dark. I’m currently looking for a therapist and I’ve emailed some this morning. Crossing fingers that I’ve made a step closer to becoming my best self. I try my best to mind what I put into my body. My budget makes it hard for my to by healthy groceries all the time but I do what I can. I recently got a new puppy and get my exercise by walkIng and running with him, i do feel good afterwards :). I’ve also been trying mindfulness practices too. Thank you for praying for me and responding, Bless you.

[LadyO4 in reply to Rayhashope97]

You mentioned something that made me think of a quote I heard recently:

"You don't become the best version of who you are by yourself."

Dr. James Dobson - Psychologist

I thought of the people in my early years who influenced me the most toward a negative self esteem, and discovered that the right kind of people later in life influenced me toward developing a positive self esteem. It can happen!

I think it's normal and natural for us as people to evaluate our worth based on the opinions and actions of others when we are in their presence. And those memories do trail behind us as we move on in life. But much of our disposition and outlook on life does include brain activity that occurs because of those memories it has stored, and it can be reversed! bit.ly/2NPoqKW

I hope you are encouraged to know help is out there - it's just a matter of connecting to the right people. I went to a doctor who really thought he had my answers only to find out he didn't know the half of what was going on.

Believe in yourself, apart from everyone else on the planet. You are unique beautiful individual, a one-of-a-kind, and the everyone on the planet can do what they want with that. Find all the talents, strengths, and gifts you possess and use them to not only bless yourself but others too! Something happens inside of us when we give to others. It fills a void and says our life really does matter. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts.