Stuck Inside Myself

[Tjy339]

Hi! I'm new to here. The main reason I wanted to join or be a part of something like this is because I don't really have anyone I can talk to. I'm married with a beautiful daughter who is my world. My husband doesn't really get my anxiety or depression sometimes. My anxiety really gets the best of me. I'm doubtlessly second guessing myself to the point where I'm afraid to tell or say things. I'm just stuck inside my head over thinking and getting preventing me from life it seems. I get so overwhelmed with it it's like I freeze except it's that can't move, can't talk really, trying not to fall apart, sweating,shaking, and feet stuck on the ground type sometimes you know type freeze. I feel I most scared of being alone and not good enough. I want to open up to others around me, but it just seems to close. I don't want them to think I'm frail or god forbid crazy. And I don't want others to know or be judged. I love my in laws but it seems my husband shares a lot with them I'd prefer not so that could be part of why I'm hesitant with him. Sometimes I just feel like an island, like I'm stuck on an island inside my head. I've been in and out of therapy for depression and anxiety, but none of it really fit. Besides I express my self better on paper. Less stumbling over words I guess or nothing can come out wrong or is less likely too anyway. I like to listen, it's nice communicating with people who understand or get it. So that's me in a nutshell I guess.

[gogogirl]

Hey, I have been there- sometimes it's hard to justify. I will listen

[Tjy339 in reply to gogogirl]

Thank you! That was my first post and as strange as it sounds I already feel a little lighter. It really does feel like a safe place here in group/community. Just you saying that means a lot.

[gogogirl in reply to Tjy339]

Thanks for posting again. I know what you mean by feeling lighter.

[Newgirl48453]

Hi. I just found this site. I just got told yesterday that I have GAD by a counselor I just started seeing. The funny thing is that I went to her thinking I was starting to get dementia. I'm a single working mom with 4 boys. Everything you described is how I feel inside almost every day. It feels good to know that I'm not alone. That other people know what this feeling is like. My counselor wants me to find something that I can get engrossed in, something to get lost in that takes the place of those negative thoughts. Maybe that can work for you too. Find something that you love. Maybe together we can get through this.

[Tjy339 in reply to Newgirl48453]

Thank you! I used to paint and draw as my escape. It seems like it got pushed to the bottom since we're already cramped in an apartment and then just always being on as a wife and mom. You get so busy taking care of everyone else you forget to take care of yourself. I was thinking about since the weather is getting nicer I might try to do it outside. Writing helps me when I'm overwhelmed, helps my brain. We can do this, it helps hearing I'm not the only one and not alone. Especially when none of my friends have kids, it's hard finding other moms to befriend.

[gogogirl in reply to Newgirl48453]

Your counselor is coming up with some good ideas.

[Newgirl48453]

I know what you mean about finding other moms, especially ones that know what you're going through. I was also thinking about spending some time outside, maybe go for walks in the evenings. I also like to bake so that would be a great Escape for me. Painting and drawing would be awesome.

[Tjy339 in reply to Newgirl48453]

Baking is a good idea. I was going to bake something for Easter this weekend. Maybe I'll do it tonight to help calm my anxiety out. I have started taking my little on to the park, it's nice to just get the fresh air and breathe.

[gogogirl]

Just wanted to check in to see how you are.

[Tjy339 in reply to gogogirl]

I'm doing better. I ended up doing a little baking last night and just relaxing. My anxiety has been on high alert this week and I think it helped calm it down. How are you doing?

[gogogirl in reply to Tjy339]

Well, that's really good. How did your cooking taste? I'm okay- about to go outside, and go to an art museum.